Spontaneous

Also known as: Where I try to make sense of the things that made me grumpy today

I thought I’d repost a part of something I posted a couple of years ago on being spontaneous, in the light of the things that happened today:

I’ve never been a spontaneous person. I’d like to be spontaneous, to do things at the spur of the moment without thinking of how to do it or what the consequences would be, but it’s just not in my personality. I admire spontaneous people, and when I join in their spontaneity, I like it. But, as boring as this may sound, I like order. I like it when things go as planned, or at least somewhat close to it, even with little surprises along the way. I’m obsessive compulsive in that way — I like making to-do lists, I like having a scheduled time to do things, I like having even a general game plan. In short (and I have mentioned this before), I’m a control freak.

I know it sounds like I’m too stiff and boring, and probably most of you would say, “Chill, Tina!” It’s not that I totally get pissed off when there are changes in plans or things don’t go my way. Yes, I don’t like it, but I do know how to adjust. But I do have a limit, as with everyone. Don’t you just hate it when that happens?

It’s times like these that I wonder if I’m really high maintenance even if I claim I’m not. There were too many plans that changed or attempted to be changed today that I normally wouldn’t mind and will find a way to work things out. I mean, I think I’ve grown up from the last time I posted that entry, anyway. I can roll with things now. However, some things just kind of rubbed me the wrong way…and well, mood went south. Rants included.

I feel like such a mean friend when that happens. Like I’m such a spoiled brat. It’s just that sometimes things happen all at the same time and you feel like everyone’s out to get you. Like they’re doing it on purpose just to annoy you. You know?

Ah, how conceited this Tina could be. The world does not revolve around you. Get over yourself.

I know I told myself that I wouldn’t use this blog to rant, but I remember that I also promised myself that I will be brutally honest — well, as brutally honest as I can online. And so here’s a step towards that. It’s moments like this that I remember that I am human and I am vulnerable to these emotions but that doesn’t make me less of a person, right?

I promise to return with a slightly more positive, less ranty post. For tonight. please just excuse me.

Leave a Reply