Stories to Tell: It Breaks Just the Same

Stories to Tell

Stories to Tell is a blog series where I invite guest bloggers to share share their story.
I think stories are wonderful things, and we all have our own stories to tell.
It is my hope that in sharing these stories, we will remember that we are never alone.

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My third guest blogger is another friend who wishes to remain anonymous. Her story is timely because of what I posted last week, and because I think we’ve all been there at some point. I’m glad to say that she’s one of my core people, too, and I am glad for that. Thank you so much for sharing your story. :)

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I lost track of H, I can’t even remember when I thought of asking her out for coffee just to catch up. It never happened, the catching up. But something caught me: relief. Can you imagine?

H and I were buddies since freshman year. We were opposites then. Now? Those opposites will no longer attract each other. H got married without telling our circle of friends, even me. It was the most tangible sign that I had, to simply admit that yes, H and I have fallen apart. I don’t hate her, but I was already indifferent.

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J worked abroad for the past three years, and each year he went home to Manila. Not once did we meet. He always tells me that we’ll meet when he get back. If a friend breaks a promise, is it as good as “No, thank you. Don’t bother showing up anymore, because you suck”? For me, it was. Never mind that he came and went, leaving me hanging, waiting, begging (?) that he spare me a couple of hours, because he is my guy best friend since college. The feeling that someone I valued so much (like him) can casually brush me aside (like that) – it was decapitating.

When the “third’s a charm” came and he left with an open invitation hanging between us, I finally got it. He does not want to have anything to do with me. Why else would he bail, three freaking times in a row? Is his time actually freakin’ gold?

I cut all ties I have with J. He messaged me when I was in the US; I did not respond. This is the guy that my better half was so jealous of back then. Obviously, my better half is “better”.

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I wonder: if someone ‘breaks up’ with a friend, does it hurt as much as if you are breaking up, from a boy-girl relationship? It could be, I thought. Because my heart breaks just the same, bleeds just enough. I was in denial that the friendship was on the rocks. I got angry when I was not given much attention. I raged, and raged some more. I loved these people through time, and what have they given me? Heartache. A friendship that was less important to them than I gave it value for.

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I learned to move on. What else can I do? I rather spend more time with friends that rejoice when they see me, and miss me when they don’t. I rather coalesce with people who enjoy my laughter, and grieve my loss. I rather… I rather that H and J are still here with me. But they are not.

Still moving on, I guess.

If you wish to be a guest blogger for my Stories to Tell feature, head over to this post to find out how. Looking forward to reading and sharing your stories! :)

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