From the monthly archives: March 2007
Observation is a more powerful force than you could possibly reckon: the invisible, the overlooked, and the unobserved are those that are most in danger of reaching the end of the spectrum. They lose the last of their light. From there, anything can happen…Lives altered forever by you, by the simple effect of being present…by entering the light, by joining the dance.
- Mrs. Landing God, Joan of Arcadia (source: Television without Pity)
Can I just say that I’m sick of this layout already? I look forward to the upcoming Holy Week break to get working on a newer (and less pink) layout. Something that will last longer, yes?
The quote up there is from one of my favorite Joan of Arcadia episodes, the one where God told Joan to ask Ramsay the bully to the dance which put her life in danger but saved a lot more people even if it meant Ramsay had to go to jail. Joan thought she failed, but God told her otherwise, saying that she did exactly what He wanted her to do: to be present. To observe. To see things and notice the unnoticed. In this episode, viewers are taught how valuable our presence is.
Something hit me last Friday, hence the semi-emotional cryptic entry. ((Which wasn’t so cryptic according to some of my friends)) Yes, it’s about work and it basically made me want to get out of here — and I mean ASAP. What I mean with “here,” well, it’s for me to know and for you to find out. Ask me, I might just tell. Might. :p
This is one of the times where I want to kick and scream and cry and just yell, “I give up! I don’t care about this anymore; I don’t want to do this anymore! I WANT OUT!”
But you know what? I can’t. Because I’m not that kind of person.
Although I wish I am that kind of person. I wish I can say that without caring about who I might be letting down, or what I may be forgetting.
Sometimes, Lately, this particular period of my life gets to me so bad, that all I want to do is quit. Look for another place to be in. Run back into my comfort zone. Be anywhere but here.
Everyone’s leaving. One by one. I’m doing things that I never expected to be doing (and studied for) — and I’m not saying that in a good note. I’m not supposed to be doing this. I don’t want to do it anymore. I don’t deserve this.
I’m feeling the edges of desperation, like I want to go away first before anything else happens. Not that anything would happen to me…I hope. Plainly speaking, I want to ditch this joint before I get caught in too deep with anything I don’t want to.
I. Want. Out.
Am I being too whiny for you?
Someone get me out of here.
I wanted to post yesterday, but I didn’t have the time. I was up and at ‘em all day for the party at home last night. I am now enjoying the foot soak (with tea and baking soda – yeeees) because my feet ache so much from all the activity last night. :)
I was also supposed to make a pre-posted post but I totally spaced last Friday because I was out early and I had so many things to do that afternoon that I didn’t get to go online. Haha. What busy two days it was.
But yes, I’m twenty-one. The big 2-1 with all its legal hullabaloos and all. It doesn’t feel any different, except maybe that I’m planning to take my life more seriously. Or not. Haha. As what Ate Des told me the other night, I shouldn’t worry about not finding my purpose yet, because she’s already 29 and still searching. :P
But there’s something monumental at turning 21. Besides the fact that I could get into jail in all countries ((My friend’s favorite comment whenever someone turns 21)), being 21 feels like entering another stage in life. Age is just a number, and I can still act like a brat I’m a kid if I want to, but I think it’s time to grow up you know?
Ever since graduation, I was apprehensive about growing up. The thing I like most about being in school is because I know what’s expected of me. But once I was out of school, I’m suddenly, What now? I know I’ve talked about this for so many times already, but don’t you think it’s such a fascinating thing to talk about?
Not.
Yes, growing up is a big rollercoaster ride, and sometimes I really want out, but I can’t. Who can go out of the middle of a rollercoaster ride anyway? Unless you want to say an early goodbye to life.
So, from hereon, I shall allow myself to be engaged in what I’d like to call as The Great Adventure ((Many thanks to Steven Curtis Chapman for this term)). No more complaining, no more looking at other people who “have it” better. Less whining, more praying. This life is the great adventure, an I think it’s but time to live and participate in it. :D
This year, I want one thing: to please God and no one else. That should be enough. :)
Here’s to my 21st year in this world. This is my Great Adventure. :)
Great Adventure
Steven Curtis Chapman
The Great AdventureStarted out this morning in the usual way
Chasing thoughts inside my head of all I had to do today
Another time around the circle try to make it better than the last
I opened up the Bible and I read about me
Said I’d been a prisoner and God’s grace had set me free
And somewhere between the pages it hit me like a lightning bolt
I saw a big frontier in front of me and I heard somebody say “Let’s go”!Saddle up your horses we’ve got a trail to blaze
Through the wild blue yonder of God’s amazing grace
Let’s follow our leader into the glorious unknown
This is a life like no other – this is The Great Adventure
Come on get ready for the ride of your life
Gonna leave long faced religion in a cloud of dust behind
And discover all the new horizons just waiting to be explored
This is what we were created forWe’ll travel over, over mountains so high
We’ll go through valleys below
Still through it all we’ll find that
This is the greatest journey that the human heart will ever see
The love of God will take us far beyond our wildest dreamsYeah… oh saddle up your horses… come on get ready to ride
[Updated: March 11, 2007, 7:30pm]
[Updated: March 12, 2007, 1:57pm]
[Updated: March 15, 2007, 10:00pm]
Jomar asked me to do something about this list to ensure that I don’t get two (or three or four or five) of the same gift if ever the people actually read this to give me a gift. Harhar. Anyway, so now I’m doing something about it now. I turned off my comments notification, and so now if you actually fell for my parinig bought me a gift from this wishlist, post a comment (anonymously) just to let everyone else who might want to buy something from my list know that that item has been bought. ((Haha, ang kapal ko rin ano.)) Got it?
I feel weird asking, but hey, like I said, indulge me. :P I only turn 21 once. :)
As of date, there are only 8 days to go 6 days to go 5 days 2 days to go before I turn the big two-one. And because of that, I’m going to be thick skinned and tell everyone who reads my blog what I want for my 21st birthday. :P Materialism at its finest, but I claim my right to be a brat for my birthday it’s fun to post wishlists like this in case someone decides to get them for me. Harhar. :P
- Any Anberlin album (Blueprints for the Black Market
, Never Take Friendship Personal
, Cities
[Special Edition]). Original CD, please. :)
- Eragon and Eldest
by Christopher Paolini (paperback, please)
Flashbang: How I Got Over Myself- Thanks Papa! ♥by Mark Steele (paperback too)
- Blue Like Jazz: Nonreligious Thoughts on Christian Spirituality
by Donald Miller (yes, paperback)
- The Chronicles of Narnia Boxed Set
by CS Lewis (even if it’s the smallest print of the book, I’d like that, as long as its complete. Paperback!)
- Noli Me Tangere (Touch Me Not)
by Jose Rizal, translated by Harold Augenbraum (Penguin Classics Paperback)
The Princess Bride: S Morgenstern’s Classic Tale of True Love and High Adventure- Thanks Papa! ♥by William Goldman (paperback)
- a reservation for Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows
at Powerbooks or National Bookstore
- [new in the list!] Lost in NashVegas
by Rachel Hauck
- [new in the list!] The Cubicle Next Door
by Siri L. Mitchell ((Thanks to Tue for pointing me to this book :p))
- A Catholic Bible, NASB translation
- Cars Original DVD
- new white shoes – flats, size 6-7. :p
- 1 piece 0.5 Pilot gTec pen…
- …or 2 0.5 Pilot gTec pen refill
- Staedtler Triplus Fineliner colored pen set — the one with 20 colors.
Faber Castell 24-color Colored Pencil- blank unlined notebooks/journals
- a sunflower
- anything with stars
- A new laptop with the following specs: Intel Centrino or Intel Core Duo, at least 80GB HDD, at least 512MB DDR memory (expandable), at least 32MB separate video card (not shared with memory), DVD+RW, WiFi ready, good speakers and is small enough to bring around. :P ((from my 2006 Christmas wishlist))
- Additional memory for my laptop (if the previous one on the list isn’t available).
- at least 80GB external HDD. Don’t worry about enclosure, I already have one waiting here. If you would buy me an laptop HDD with enclosure, then why not? ;)
- Lapdesk
- my new phone. ((Smart, can you please give me my phone already? Please???))
- A bookshelf
- Of course: the Oh-my-gosh-I-can’t-believe-you-went-through-all-this birthday surprise
- world peace :p
Will be edited until that day comes. :p Again, indulge me. ;)
Hello, Lord. You seem so silent, yet You speak so much.
But what are You saying now?
My [daughter], when you come to serve the Lord, prepare yourself for trials. Be sincere of heart and steadfast, undisturbed in time of adversity. Cling to Him, forsake Him not; thus your future will be great. Accept whatever befalls you, in crushing misfortune be patient; for in fire gold is tested, and worthy men in crucible of humiliation. Trust God and He will help you; make straight your ways and hope in Him…study the generations long past and understand, has anyone hoped in the Lord and been disappointed?
- Sirach 2:1-11 (February 21, 2007)
I did the first thing You want me to do…and got a result that I didn’t really like. But I choose to trust You. Now what do You want?
If our hopes seem to be experiencing disappointment righht now, it simply means that they are being purified. Every hope or dream of the human mind will be fulfilled if it is noble and it is of God. But one of the greatest stresses of life is the stress of waiting for God. He brings fulfillment, ‘because you have kept my commandment to persevere.’ (Revelation 3:10)
- Oswald Chambers, My Utmost for His Highest (February 22, 2007)
Why me? Why not me? Why am I here? Why am I not here? Why am I doing this? Why am I not doing this?
I wait because it’s the only thing I could do. I’m still waiting. How long must I wait, Lord?
Let God send you through His storm and don’t go until He does. If you select your own spot to be planted, you will prove yourself to be an unproductive, empty pod. However, if you allow God to plant you, you will “bear much fruit.” (John 15:8)
- Oswald Chambers, My Utmost for His Highest (March 11, 2007)
Why does this have to mean so many things? Why can’t it mean only one thing so I won’t have to wonder if I did the right thing or not?
Why is it so hard to wait? Why is it so hard to believe?
Am I too wise to recognize that everything uncertain is certainly a possibility? Help me believe because I don’t want to miss any miracle…Could You, would You show Yourself to me…?
As requested by Jun. :) Which makes sense. :p
My eighteenth year marked changes into my life, both external and internal. First off, I finally got the awaited laptop, Ginger, when I turned 18. There was a compromise for it though, because my dad had to go to Saipan to work. I started staying in a dorm because I couldn’t commute with my laptop, so started my “independent years.” I also fought with a friend, revealed something really embarrassing, went back to YFC, flew to two countries in a year and failed two subjects in school (although the second failure happened after I turned 19, but it was coming before my 19th birthday).
My eighteenth year helped me to own up and be responsible for my actions. Admittedly, I did a lot of stupid things when it started (and no, I don’t think I want to share it anymore :P You may ask if you want to know), and I had to learn from it because it’s the only thing I can do with it. I also got closure that year, after what, almost two long years of, er, heartache. Harhar. :P But it was one of the biggest learning experience I’ve ever had. :)
My eighteenth year was the year I learned how to be independent — sort of. Dorming taught me how to budget my allowance, manage my newfound free time during the week, learn when to sleep ((Our bedtime was usually 2:00am at the dorm)) and learn how to get along with people 5 times a week who are not my family. I almost failed a subject because of my negligence ((Not going to classes just because I didn’t feel like it, not listening to the class because the prof is boring, etc — classic student stuff)), but recovered by posting reminders to myself that I should do. It worked, I passed. :P
This was the year I flew to two countries: first in Thailand, before my dad went to Saipan for work, and then to Saipan/Guam for Christmas. It was my first time to ride a plane, and my first time to go out of the country. The Thailand trip was fun, but I didn’t really enjoy that much because of my being such a priss and my moodswings (but I really want to go back there — shopping man! Shopping in Thailand is a must! It’s not like Black Friday in the US, but still!). My Saipan trip was fun and the longest one I’ve been out of the country. It was nice spending Christmas with my family in another place, but I realized here that there’s no place like home. Christmas and New Year in any other place than the Philippines is no fun at all. I like the noise of the holidays here. ;) Through these trips I discovered how much I like traveling and how much I want to see the world. I want to go around the world and see all the wonderful sights that God created. :D
My eighteenth year was the year I found my way back to my community and ultimately, to God. I lied low for a while because I was preoccupied with school and my personal life that I wanted to “find myself” for a while. I guess I was burnt out — I went from member to leader for a short period of time that I never really felt how good it was to be a member and I never really knew God personally. I knew Him through YFC, but not with my heart. If it wasn’t for my good friend and sister Engel, who kept on bugging me that year until I finally gave in and talked to her, for Bea and Myka who kept on bugging me to go to the tambayan, for the others who welcomed me back in YFC, I wouldn’t be where I am right now. :) And like I mentioned, I got to know God again for the first time ever. I learned how to pray — to really pray — and to pray for others. In all my years in YFC, I think this is the only time I started growing spiritually.
This was also the year I formed new friendships and lost ((Although I am still praying that this is temporary)) friendships. I formed good friendships with my blockmates, roommates and people in neighboring dorms, and again, people in YFC. I lost a friend because of a petty reason, and this is where I learned how to really forgive from the heart, how to be a better friend and who my true friends are.
Finally, this was the year I started to really pray about my heart, my so-called love life. This was the year I seriously struggled, but continued to surrender it up to God. It was hard, but I knew what I was doing is right and true. Learning experience and the start of something better and more wonderful than I could ever dream of. :)
Girls celebrate their 18th year with a bang, because it’s her “entrance to the world.” Or something like that. I agree. My eighteenth year certainly left me blown away, all ready to live life and to see what else God had in store for me for the next years of my life. :)
6 days to go!
Again, thanks to Rico for the idea. :)
Fifteen years into this Earth caught me in my last year of high school. Junior year ended okay, but I was ready to leave school for a summer filled with lots of YFC activities. Unlike my other friends who went for summer review classes for college entrance exams at AHEAD, I went off to different YFC activities all summer. I went to Cebu for the 8th YFC International Leader’s Conference, to Bataan for the KFC International Kids Village, led different youth camps, and had everyday bonding sessions with my YFC friends at this house. This was undoubtedly the busiest summer I’ve ever had, and most summer days weren’t spent at home. I would wake up at 10, go out at 2 and go back at around 10 to 11 at home. I did this every single day until the summer ended.
Then came senior year in high school, which is the best year I’ve ever had in high school. I was all set to make the most out of it since it’s my last year in high school. I could say that my section, St. Paul, is the best section among all, but of course that’s subjective. :p Our senior class was bonded mostly because we lost two of our classmates early in the year. They were caught with liquor during our field trip, and they were expelled. :( We promised our adviser that the remaining 33 in our class would all graduate together, and after that we were all doing our best to help each other up. :) And come graduation day, all 33 of us marched onstage proudly, remembering two of our classmates who didn’t make it with us.
Again, much thanks to Rico for this idea. =)
I started my tenth year by treating everyone in 4-Badjao (my 4th grade section) with ice cream as my birthday treat. I think it was one chocolate cup each, because it’s cheap — Php10 each cup — and everyone loves them. From being a young overachiever from Prep (I graduated valedictorian in pre-school, which was no big deal for me because I didn’t know it was a big thing) to Grade 3 (I was Top 6 in the batch, I think?), I was suddenly plunged into the bottom of the overall Top 10…as in I was in Top 10. I don’t know the exact reason why that happened. It may be because of the competition in the batch (suddenly a lot of new and smarter students came in), or the fact that I was so dead gone about my first crush ever (click here for a short story about him — he’s Guy # 3).
In connection to my upcoming 21st birthday, I’m going to do a Rico Mossesgeld (haha, hi Rico!) and answer the same questions he answered in his blog. Except of course the twenty-five thing since I’m far from that age. ;)
So now…What happened when I was five?
I just finished kindergarten, and now moved on to Prep. I was a talkative kid, as always, and I found out that I was actually quite, well, smart. I skipped nursery, yes, but I remember being down because I didn’t get any award during recognition days during Kinder. But why was I there, anyway? I don’t know why.
Anyway, during Prep, I made some good friends in school — Patrese, Jessica and Michelle. I considered Patrese as my best friend but we had this weird friendship: we’d keep on having little “fights” and we won’t talk to each other, but then we’d become friends again. There was a time when we’d bring toys to school and she’d have the “better” ones, but I usually don’t mind. There were also times when we’d send “hate mail” to each other. How? By coloring really ugly colors (black, brown, gray, and other colors that are not our favorite or do not match) and give them to each other. :P
Prep was the year I discovered that I was smart, as I mentioned earlier. Modesty aside, I found myself following the lessons easily, sometimes even getting ahead of the teacher, especially in Language subject. I was afraid of making mistakes though, or admitting to them. Like one time, we were doing this art project with egg shells. We were supposed to make an egg shell mosaic with our name, and our teacher lent us different colors of oil pastel (Craypas). She told us not to break the Craypas since we would return it, but as luck would have it, I broke mine in two. I never returned it, even if our teacher kept on calling for it. I think my teacher knew it was with me, but never asked. ^^; Was that stealing? I didn’t mean to, I promise. I was just ashamed to return a broken pastel (even if others broke theirs).
I remember performing for this Christmas dance in Prep, as well as this flower dance during the school’s Foundation Day. I was a good student (still am, I think), and I do think my teacher liked me then. :D
Oh, I was also a sickly kid — always getting fevers, asthma attacks and whatnot. It’s a miracle I managed to stay on top of the class. Remembering this made me see how God has been faithful to me ever since I was a kid. :) Praise God for that.
Tomorrow, we talk about being ten. ;) I’ll try to post some pictures of me when I was five and ten and so on, but let’s see. :) 11 days to go!
It’s Monday, and I’ve got some questions for y’all. :)
- Have you visited Godchicks yet? If you haven’t, I suggest you do! :) Come on now, even if you’re a hunk, you can still pay a visit. :) Everyone’s welcome! On another note, I find it funny that everytime a new post appears there, the current visitors online suddenly SHOOTS UP. I wish they’d introduce themselves and comment.
- Have you paid a visit to the nosy neighbor? The Chismosang Kapitbahay would love to have you for dinner or something. :) Haha, if you like watching Pinoy Big Brother Season 2 (okay, even if you don’t), this blog is for you! :) Maki-chismis na!
- Did you know that there are different creative ways to tell a person that a page does not exist in your site? Instead of just putting a big 404 graphic on your page, why not try being creative like them? 400 different ideas here, ahoy! Personal favorites: Blair Witch, Missing Things, Dickens, and The Want Ad.
- Did you know that there’s also a Big Brother-like contest for cats? Ten cats are competing to find their perfect owner, and for this specific contest, they even have a house scaled down for the cats! Now how would they be able to judge them properly?
- Do you know who the Father of Philippine Blogging is? No, not Abe. Father as in priest. Fr. Stephen Cuyos, MSC is a priest with a microphone, WordPress and a camera who has special affinity with anything Open Source. He’s not only a blogger but a podcaster too!
- Did you know that there’s nothing more heartbreaking than seeing a grown man weep? Not the baby-like or childish cry, but actual weeping. :( Seriously. I’d hate to see that again. :,(
- Do you want to have a copy of your Bible in your Portable Sony Playstation (PSP)? Well, download it here! It’s free, and you may use your PSP to browse through the Bible. [Mental Note, download this for my brother]
- Have you ever seen the sky smile down at you? Not an ordinary rainbow smile, but a real rainbow smile. Check it out. :)
- Again, have you visited Godchicks and Chismosang Kapitbahay?
Happy Monday, everyone! Have a good week!
