From the monthly archives: January 2009
For the past few weeks since work started, I’ve been thinking. The difference between 2008 and 2009 (so far) is that when 2008 started, I was all excited, all ready to jump into whatever adventure there is that the year has in store for me. I was the “DO IT ALL” woman. I think my teammates nicknamed me “The World is Not Enough” at some time. :P
Anyway 2008 was certainly a year where I tried to do everything, work wise. Name an event, I know it and is probably a part of it. I was so active in everything and was trying to do them all that a lot of things got pushed to the back. Well, not exactly “back”, but I know that my performance wasn’t as stellar as it used to be. Plus I know I put myself on second place.
So when this year started, I told myself I’d go back to basics. I’d put myself first, I’d focus on the things that matter. What are those things, I’m not yet so sure, but I know my weekends are more or less sacred, and I want to focus on my writing too. Eventually, I arrived at some kind of extreme where I’d rather do stuff for myself and put other things in the backburner again. I always seem to have that kind of problem.
Anyway, so this week, I learned of my rating for my 2008 performance. I gave myself a rating before 2008 ended and I really thought that was the one I deserved, but what I got was…surprisingly good (and by good it means I can probably afford to buy tv lifts if I want to — which I don’t). Of course, I was thrilled, but the rating came with a postscript: “This is the time that you have to prove you deserve that rating.”
Okay, so maybe it’s not exactly said in those words, but that has the gist. I’m happy and humbled to be able to get that rating, but yes, it’s challenging me too. I’m at this point where I know I should step up and I’m trying, really, but at the back of my mind, I don’t know if I can do this while still giving time for myself. I know it’s possible, I just don’t know how I’m going to do it.
My team lead is currently focusing on me and giving me tasks and situations where I can develop my leadership skills to train me so I can be ready for a leadership position sometime soon. I’m grateful for it, but in a way, I am also scared. I was a leader back in YFC, but leadership in the corporate world is different. My company is generally nice, but it’s still the corporate world, and I have been told that I need to be thick-faced and immovable. Something like that, at least. I tell myself I can do it, but honestly, I’m not really sure if I can, you know?
There’s this certain resistance I feel when I am asked to do things like reports, or talk to someone or do something or attend late night meetings. Maybe it’s because I’m not yet used to it, or maybe because I don’t know if I will be able to handle it. Maybe I’m just looking for an easier way out, a way that is not stressful. But what is life without stress, yes?
I need to step up. For how long, I don’t know. But I know I must.
Last night I was talking to Ramie and I was telling him about this entire thing. One thing that I’m kind of grateful for this is there’s this certain feeling of cluelessness, the kind where you really have no idea where you’ll be going and what you’ll be doing, except maybe for a few steps ahead. And with this cluelessness is some kind of comfort, the one where I know that no matter what happens, I know there’s Someone who is with me every step of the way.
I like that this is making me pray more, that having to step up is making me realize that I am totally dependent on God, and without Him there’s really nothing I can do.
Let me quote my favorite verse once again:
Whatever I have, wherever I am, I can make it through anything in the One who makes me who I am. (Philippians 4:13, The Message)
By God’s grace, I can do this. :) We can do this. :)
Here’s to stepping up. *cheers*
P.S. Prayers will be appreciated. :)
Rating: 
When she is caught in the backseat of a car with her older brother’s best friend – Deanna Lambert’s teenage life is changed forever. Struggling to overcome the lasting repercussions and the stifling role of “school slut,” she longs to escape a life defined by her past. With subtle grace, complicated wisdom and striking emotion, The Story of a Girl reminds us of our human capacity for resilience, epiphany and redemption.
Sara Zarr is quickly becoming one of my favorite authors. :) Just like Sweethearts, I thought this book would be all about angst. In a way, there is teenage angst, but it wasn’t all about that.
Deanna Lambert feels trapped about her past. Being in a small town and labeled as a teenage slut is something that she would carry for a long time. She felt as if she belonged to no one except for her older brother, who has a family of his own. The story goes around those facts in Deanna’s life, including her slight jealousy with her two best friends who are in a relationship.
The characters of the story feel real, and as a reader I felt that I am actually inside Picasso’s pizza or Jason’s house or the basement where Darren and Stacy and April lives. I felt bad for Deanna when people keep on labeling her as a slut and when her father wouldn’t even defend her, and instead is ashamed of her. I liked Lee, Deanna’s other best friend and Jason’s girlfriend, even if she shows up only a few times in the story, and Michael, Deanna’s gay boss who was one of the people who seemed to truly care for her.
I think other than this being a “story of a girl”, it’s also a story about forgiveness, of how one’s past definitely does not define your future, or even your present. Sara Zarr shows the reality that forgiveness is not easy. It may come in quick for some people while for others it takes years. Others need to hear an apology while others need not.
I got this book as an ebook, actually and it’s short so it would fit even the smallest memory stick or iPod or whatever readin/storage device you may have. But because I really liked this one, I will definitely buy a printed copy of this book. :)
So last weekend, we went to the beach.
And yes, that photo up there is the same view we had for two days. :)
Anyway, we’ve been planning to have a beach trip (or just any trip of some sort) for the club since last year after all the work we had done, and I’m really glad we got to do it last weekend. Of course, not everyone made it, but it was okay. The weekend was just what I need to relax and have fun, you know?
So Saturday, after my long night of dinner and drinks and talks with my teammates at the previous night, we rode the rented van and headed for an almost four-hour trip to Laiya, Batangas. We were at Coco Grove last year for our company outing, and Balai Laiya is a few resorts away. After breakfast, a long ride and no sleep in the van because of all the jokes and the bumpiness of the rides, we finally got to the resort.
And let me just say: WOW.
Rating: 
It all starts when Nick asks Norah to be his girlfriend for five minutes. He only needs five minutes to avoid his ex-girlfriend, who’s just walked in to his band’s show. With a new guy. And then, with one kiss, Nick and Norah are off on an adventure set against the backdrop of New York City — and smack in the middle of all the joy, anxiety, confusion, and excitement of a first date.
This he said/she said romance told by YA stars Rachel Cohn and David Levithan is a sexy, funny roller coaster of a story about one date over one very long night, with two teenagers, both recovering from broken hearts, who are just trying to figure out who they want to be—and where the next great band is playing.
I picked this up out of pure curioisity, because a friend was excited to watch a movie of the book. It seemed interesting, and I’ve liked he said/she said books ever since Flipped.
Now, Nick and Norah’s Infinite Playlist has both good and bad parts. On the story side, it is very, very charming. I honestly loved Nick’s line, “Can you be my girlfriend for five minutes?” at the first chapter — I thought it was very cute, even if it’s not my ideal. I love how I can see through what was happening in both of the protagonists’ heads and how the entire story happens in just one night. I can actually imagine the parties and clubs and the places they went to. Norah is a very interesting albeit kind of neurotic girl character, and I think she’s quite relatable for liking Nick but knowing that he’s still hung up over his ex. I found Norah’s voice stronger over Nick’s, but maybe that’s just because I am a female so I can relate to her better.
The story deals a lot with broken hearts and hang ups and getting to know someone and deciding if he/she is worth it. Nick and Norah’s chemistry was believable, and I can feel the attraction between the two of them all throughout the book. There was hardly any other character in the book, save for Tris who appeared only up to the half of the book. I found myself rooting for Nick and Norah until the end, and the ending left me wondering what would happen to their next date.
For the bad part…well, the book was littered with so many cuss words that my head ached after a few pages of reading and I had to put it down. There was one paragraph with f*ck written in every sentence. I know that some kids talk like that, but I kind of wished that it was toned down in the book, because a brain can only handle so much of those words.
I’m curious about the movie, though. I think Michael Cera makes a cute Nick. ;)
Okay, first off, don’t you think this LOLcat is the cutest, ever? I squeed when I first saw this through my Google Reader. That anxious look on the cat’s face is just priceless; it makes me want to pick him up and cuddle him and assure him that I do luv him furever. See?
Aw shucks, now I really want my own cat. We have a cat at home but it’s really afraid of humans that it runs away when we get near. The only time he’s “friendly” with us is when he’s hungry. He sits by the table outside the door and “taps” us with his paw when he passes by. Er, okay, yeah we know you’re hungry.
I want a cat I can hold. And promise to luv him furever. Hmph.
Life’s been pretty busy. Wait, not just pretty, but very. Ugh. I hate that there’s too many distractions — Plurk, Facebook to mention a few. But then that only means I’m not focusing and I’d rather procrastinate. UGH. Focus Tina! Step up! I need you to step up!
Um…okay, now that was my stress talking. Hehe sorry about that. I’ll write more about stepping up sometime soon, when I have a grasp of what I am supposed to be doing. What’s for sure is there are big things and new responsibilities in the horizon, and I appreciate everything being done for me to face them, I just have to actually stop resisting and face them. Didn’t make sense? I know, but I hope I can figure it out soon. :)
I am looking forward to this weekend, for our upcoming beach trip. That should give me a bit of time to relax before plunging into work again next week. It’s going be difficult, but I know it’s an adventure (that hopefully does not involve cattle supplies). Time to grow up Tina. So help me God. :P
Anyway, I shouldn’t be blogging right now because I have this long Belgium request I need to finish…but I found this at Camy’s blog and thought I’d answer this too. :D
1. What time did you get up this morning?
7:00am. That’s actually quite late already; I’ve been waking up at 6 for the past few weeks. It feels weird waking up “late”.
2. Diamonds or pearls?
Pearls.
3. What was the last film you saw at the cinema?
The Spirit, with Happy. I liked it.
4. What is your favorite TV show?
Okay, the ones I really watch every week are Gossip Girl, Chuck, Privileged, The Big Bang Theory, Kyle XY, and CSI: NY. My favorites from those are Chuck, The Big Bang Theory and CSI:NY. All are geeky shows, did you notice? Haha. Other TV shows I like but ended already are Daria, As Told by Ginger and Joan of Arcadia. :)
5. What do you usually have for breakfast?
Cereal with milk and bananas. Or eggs. Depends on what I feel like making/cooking or what is available.
So whenever I have some free time (or when I’m simply bored), I find myself not only Plurk-ing but also Facebook-ing. I’m not much of a Facebook person, but right now it’s got me fascinated because of all the stuff I can add (how late am I?!), and also on the people I find in Facebook. Awesome, right? It’s almost like Friendster, only more sophisticated. At least, I think so. :P
Anyway, so I’ve been “re-connecting” with a lot of friends and colleagues from my previous employer. Now to anyone who knows me and has talked to me and knows about my previous work experience…well, you know what I would tell you. Simply put, I was just extremely glad to be able to find a new job in a company that I like.
Needless to say, my dismal keeping in touch skills prevailed with my old colleagues and I was hardly able to be in contact with them for a year. I managed to visit them once to get my back pay, but things other than random phone calls and texts were rare. There was even a time when I was invisible to them on YM, mostly because there was this pending stuff that I didn’t have enough time to finish. Then came a time when I was supposed to meet up with one of my close friends there, but she didn’t show up…and then contact was zero afterwards.
Now I’m seeing them all over Facebook, and I can’t help but wonder how they are. I heard that my old team there went to a team building session last December (in Batangas, I think, not at a Wilmington NC real estate), and even if I feel a teensy bit bad that I wasn’t a part of it, I was glad that they actually had that. I also see a lot of gimmicks going on, something like a regular weekly thing (just like the Friday nights that my teammates have heh). There are also a lot of new faces, and I see that there are also people who aren’t there anymore. And then there are the Facebook groups that I wonder if I try joining, would I be welcome?
Anyway, the point is, I sortakinda miss it. I miss them. I don’t really miss my old job, or how I felt there (oh, but my being there was actually a time when my prayer time was very, very healthy), but I miss the people. I love my work and my team and the people I am with right now, but I did find some good friends and had some good laughs with the people I used to work with. And I kind of wish once again that I was better at keeping touch with them.
It’s not too late, isn’t it? I hope not. I really, truly hope not.
Watch me be bored as I try to think of Wordplay # 17. Heh. This weekend has been pretty quiet, save for a fun lunch with my college “mommy” Cathy, and some more quality time with the folks. I think we’re all trying not to think of the fact that my Dad is going back to Saipan again tomorrow night and it’s back to how we were since last Christmas. Here’s to me commuting again. Hay life. Gotta grow up, gotta step up.
Anyway, while I try to think of how to write my 17th piece of the year (I am seriously thinking of better rules for this without resulting to cheap blinds as prompts), let me answer this iTunes Shuffle thing I got from other blogs somewhere online. Feel free to grab. :D
Instructions: Put your iTunes Library on Shuffle and answer each of the questions with the titles of the song that comes up.
Personal comments in italics. ;)
WHAT DO YOU LIKE IN A GUY/GIRL?
Take Me Away by Lifehouse
Hm. Interesting. A guy who “takes me away”? Why not. The bridge of the song is something noteworthy: Don’t give up on me yet / don’t forget who I am / I know I’m not there yet / But don’t let me stay here alone.
WHAT IS YOUR LIFE’S PURPOSE?
Lead Me to the Cross by Hillsong United
Absolutely IT! Yes yes yes this is it! :D Lead me to the cross / where Your love poured out / Bring me to my knees / Lord I lay me down / Rid me of myself / I belong to You. ♥
WHAT IS YOUR MOTTO?
Ladies Choice by Mandy Moore
Hm, I haven’t really listened to this song in its entirety. Maybe I should note this song now.
I’ve been reading about Booking Through Thursday for a long time already, and I thought I’d join this now since I like books, and well, I like books! (Lame explanation, I know.) Anyway, here’s my first BTT ever. :D
- What songs … either specific songs, or songs in general by a specific group or writer … have words that you love?
- Why?
- And … do the tunes that go with the fantastic lyrics live up to them?
Back when I was still writing music reviews for FiSH (a short writing stint; I moved to writing reflections afterwards), a friend always has to edit my article so it would contain actual reviews of the music. See, as much as I love music, I’m really more of a lyrics person. I can’t really describe music, you know, the way music critics do. Like, know what this song sounds like and how their composition is and the riffs and the arrangement — see I can’t even find the words to do it now. :P I’m really more focused on the lyrics, the content of the song.
There are several artists I know right now that has awesome lyrics to their songs: Brooke Fraser, Dave Barnes, Mae, Anberlin, Paramore and Jason Mraz. :D Let me give some examples:
Brooke Fraser, Saving the World:
But while we’re waiting we could try saving the world
Or are we storing that up for a raining day?
I’m anticipating the time when it’ll be my turn
It could be fun to try
I think that I’ll save the world as a fun afternoon activitySeventy thousand things to ponder today
Most significant are bottom of the list
Forty five million recipes and ways
To exaggerate and compound the stress
Dave Barnes, Butterflies:
And I can’t tell you what it is but
It’s the best thing that I’ve found
The butterflies in my stomach
And my feet off the ground
So for now I’m just saying, let’s just call this love
Let’s just call this love
Mae, Soundtrack for Our Movie:
Well I’m a wreck.
I really can’t explain it but I,
I hear the music when I look at you.
Orchestrating the song to accommodate the moment.
Well, I’m so in love with you.
Anberlin, Symphony of a Blase:
God if you can hear me out alright
Please take these feelings for her inside
My chest hurts when I breathe tonight
It’s wasting me away
Paramore, Let This Go:
Maybe if my heart stops beating
It won’t hurt this much
And never will I have to answer
Again to anyone
Jason Mraz, No Stopping Us:
Would it take a bakers dozen to get my point to you?
Would it take a half a pound to roll a joint for you
Would it take some hailing mary’s so full of grace to get my sound to you
Will you help me break it down and get on thru
See? This is why I am often on a Last Song Syndrome. :D
Killer lyrics like these make me love the song, and the music just becomes a bonus. And yes that goes for the songs and artists I mentioned above. :D
I’m sure by now everyone has seen this commercial:
If you haven’t…well, you should. It’s McDonald’s newest commercial featuring childhood, first and (possibly) unrequited love. Shari explained the storyline quite well in her post about the same commercial, and I echo the entire “awww” factor even if I can’t relate fully ((HEP! The operative word here is fully. That doesn’t mean I can’t relate to it in some degree :P)) to the commercial. It’s probably the cutest and most bittersweet commercial that McDonald’s has ever made. :”>
Of course, when my teammates and I watched this yesterday, they all had these thoughts about how it might have been better if the two of them got together in the end…but that’s not the point of the commercial! It’s bittersweet! It’s unrequited first love! It’s love too late! It’s supposed to touch us in the parts that make us go “awww” and think of how it must have felt in the guy or the girl’s shoes. Like, how much did he love his first love? Did he pine for her all his life? Or maybe he’s also committed to someone already? Or what about the girl, did she feel regretful when she saw her old guy friend again? Did she ever wonder if he’s going to go for her or not and decide to move on when she realized he won’t?
Okay, someone was a bit too enthusiastic there, like she’s been seeing the effects of Solo Slim and raving. Heh, the sawi in me speaks. :P
Plus the commercial was tons better because of song they used. I’m not a really big Eraserheads fan, but the song is one from my tween’s, and it spells sentimentality that it makes me “Awww” even more. :P
The commercial was so poignant that I ended up writing a piece about it in Wordplay. It’s not a retelling in the girl’s point of view (although that’s a good idea for another Wordplay entry — must take note!), but something based on the idea of seeing old friends after a long time of not seeing them and wondering if there was something only to be slapped with reality. Aha, I know it’s so emo, but don’t we love these things? At least to some degree. ;)
Anyway, I better get to finishing today’s Wordplay entry. After a series of emo pieces, I think it’s time for something non-fiction and a bit more cheerful. :D
Rating:
As children, Jennifer Harris and Cameron Quick were both social outcasts. They were also one another’s only friend. So when Cameron disappears without warning, Jennifer thinks she’s lost the only person who will ever understand her. Now in high school, Jennifer has been transformed. Known as Jenna, she’s popular, happy, and dating, everything “Jennifer” couldn’t be—but she still can’t shake the memory of her long-lost friend.
When Cameron suddenly reappears, they are both confronted with memories of their shared past and the drastically different paths their lives have taken.
From the National Book Award nominated author of Story of a Girl, Sweethearts is a story about the power of memory, the bond of friendship, and the quiet resilience of our childhood hearts.
At first I thought this was going to be another YA novel with high school problems between new friends and an old friend showing up, an image to protect and a happily-ever-after in the end, but as I read through the novel, it wasn’t anything like that. It was set in a high school, and there were new friends versus the old one, but oh, there was so much more things into the story that when I initially expected.
First off, Jennifer/Jenna was bullied back in elementary because of her speech problem and her weight. In the midst of all these, she found a friend in Cameron Quick, who was as much as a loner as she is. They had a lot of good times together, except for her ninth birthday at Cameron’s house, which continues to haunt her even as she grew up. Then Cameron disappears and everyone told her that he was dead. It was then Jennifer decided that her old self would be buried with Cameron, and she emerges as Jenna. Then Cameron returns and Jenna is forced to face her past, face her present and finally own up to who she really was and how important Cameron is to her.
The book has a haunting feeling, like there was a past that they all couldn’t run away from. Some of the characters were annoying (example Ethan, Jenna’s boyfriend), but they felt like real people as the story goes on. The conflict that Jenna goes through inside felt real and raw, and I wanted so much for her to choose Cameron and for them to conquer their past. There was just the right amount of angst in the book, and it’s not even the shallow angst but the kind that stems from a troubled past.
And like I mentioned in the first paragraph, the book doesn’t have the typical happy ending. It was sad, but poignant, and the ending certainly illustrated that love and friendship between two people can survive the distance and time and can change a person in more ways than one. :)
I finish this review off with my favorite quote in the book:
Because love, love is never finished. It circles and circles, the memories out of order and not always complete.
