From the monthly archives: April 2010
Where did April go? Why is it ending so soon?
And look, it’s raining.
So my last post wasn’t exactly the happiest, and I admit that, but right now, things are better. I’m still having mood swings, but I blame the last days of my period on that.
Yes, TMI.
Anyway, look it’s raining. It’s been a while since the bottoms of my pants got wet, and there is some kind of a nostalgic feel to it. And the sound of thunder also feels like of nice, too. Strangely enough. I’m really trying to think positively of the rain and not remember the flood…and well, it’s taking a little bit of effort. And look, PAG-ASA just tweeted that there will be more rains tomorrow.
I’m trying to be happy for this, of course. As long as there’s no power outage, or flood, I’m fine, I’m fine.
Does this mean summer is over? :( BUT BUT BUT!!!
Rain is good. Say it with me.
Rain that lasts for six hours without stopping is not good. But rain like this is good, right?
Relax. Breathe.
Anyway, again. Where did April go? I can’t believe it’s already the end of April and May starts tomorrow. We’re now a month closer to the half of the year, to my brother’s wedding, to many other things, and…why is 2010 going by so fast? Is it even faster than Wait, I’m not yet done with you!!!
This is me panicking. And not making sense, unlike those insurance quotes…but wait, those don’t make sense to me, too.
* * *
Ever since the year started, I’ve been going out a little bit too much. I kind of feel guilty for always being out, but now I always try to make it a point to stay at home during the first weekend of the month, so I can remind my parents that I still live at home spend quality time with the people at home.
This weekend is turned into a long weekend and I started to make plans with some friends for Monday, but then I realized…no, I can’t make plans because my dad’s going to be here, and I promised to stay home for that. So this weekend, we’re heading to Batangas, but not for the beahc, but for some other family event. Monday, I’ll be in Eastwood again even if I don’t have to go to work, for some family thing and then we’ll head over to the airport to drop my dad off again. Hm, I wonder if I can get my family to watch Iron Man 2.
I wonder if it stopped raining already.
* * *
I’m waiting for some friends to get to Eastwood so we can have dinner, and while I’m here, I’m transferring files back to my old/new hard drive. :) I hope I can transfer all my files back tonight.
* * *
Relax, relax, Tina. God is with you and will protect you. He is bigger than the rains or the flood. Be still and know He is God.
The worst time to feel lonely and unwanted and left behind is when a girl has her period. Agree?
I do. Because I’m feeling that right now. :(
I’d rather not divulge any specific details because it’s too personal, but yes, I’m lonely right now. My heart is not still, I’m afraid, and I’m angry at myself for being selfish and discontented and wanting what others have (or are about to have) when I don’t. I want to be a brat and hide in my shell until all these emotions are gone and I’m over it, and I can go back to my normal, smiling self again.
Bah, hormones! I wish chocolates can easily help me with this but it doesn’t anymore. I wish I could just go for a run but it’s too late already. And no, I’m not interested in medicines, not even something like irvingia gabonensis. I’m sorry, I’m just sad.
Sigh.
So in an effort to pick myself up…I listened to some songs. And I Will Lift My Eyes by Bebo Norman hits just the right spot. Lyrics below, emphasis mine:
I Will Lift My Eyes
Bebo Norman
Album: Between the Dreaming and The Coming TrueGod, my God, I cry out
Your beloved needs You now
God, be near calm my fear and take my doubt
Your kindness is what pulls me up
Your love is all that draws me inI will lift my eyes to the Maker
of the mountains I can’t climb
I will lift my eyes to the Calmer
of the oceans raging wild
I will lift my eyes to the Healer
of the hurt I hold inside
I will lift my eyes, lift my eyes to YouGod, my God, let mercy sing
her melody over me
and God, right here all I bring
is all of me
Your kindness is what pulls me up
Your love is all that draws me in‘Cause You are and You were and You will be forever
the Lover I need to save me
‘Cause You fashioned the earth and You hold it together, God
so hold me nowGod, my God, I cry out
Your beloved needs You now
Lift your eyes, Tina.
I leave you with this image I got from Tumblr, and find comfort in the verse. Be strong and take heart. Your heart is stronger than mine, Lord.
I’ll be okay. :) But if you can spare a prayer, I’d really appreciate it. :)
It’s been a while since I did bullets, so let’s go do that now.
- I’m back on day shift as of last week, and I have been trying harder to get to work earlier than I used to. It takes a lot of effort, but adjusting my gym schedule seemed to work, and so yay. I can actually do this again, you know, and it’s nice to be home waaaay before midnight, too.
- Weighed in last Wednesday and was very, very surprised at my results. I’m now down to 26.7% of body fat, 4.7% away from my goal! Wohoo! I wonder if I can lose that in 2 weeks? Must not be complacent, now, I’m almost there! :)
- Since I got pretty good results, Thursday was reward day: got myself a chocolate chip MUFFIN from Gloria Jeans! I didn’t get to take a picture because I ate it all before it had a chance of being on camera, but it was good. :)
- Met up with Happy that night to watch How To Train Your Dragon at Eastwood. Used my Citibank tickets and was surprised to see that the movie cost Php 201 each. Eep. But the movie was cute, anyway, so it was worth it. :) Just look at this Toothless smile:
- For the first time ever, I didn’t have anything else to do on a holiday. Everyone else is busy, and it was just way to hot to go out and do something. Plus since payday isn’t until next week, there isn’t anywhere to go too. I ended up going to the gym in the afternoon, and then meeting Pau afterwards. Unplanned days can be fun, but I was close to going crazy in the morning with nothing to do. Okay, I’m exaggerating.
- Today was better, though. Skipped gym (oops!) and met Cors at Megamall, and did some shopping. Cors shopped for a swimsuit (sexeh wohoo!), I looked for running shoes for next week’s run, some sports bras and books! Cors was supposed to meet a friend afterwards, but her friend cancelled, so I got her to watch Date Night with me. :D It was a nice movie — Steve Carell and Tina Fey were funny, but I think married couples would relate to it more.
- Highlight of the day: Mondo Juice! Pure and fresh smoothies, yummy sandwiches and cheap desserts = heaven! I didn’t get to take too many photos, though, but I’ll reserve it for the next visit. :) The staff were really friendly, too, and I wouldn’t be surprised if they would be able to tell me about benefits of colon cleanse and their smoothies. ;) I am definitely, definitely going back.
- Tomorrow, tomorrow. I need to run to break my shoes in, and get ready for the week ahead. :) And prepare for that upcoming 10k run. Oh, and I just thought of a name for my shoes: Terra. Love it.
So I really better sleep. Or read first. But have a great weekend everyone! :)
I must be crazy.
So I’ve started running, right? I’ve been planning to join another race since I joined the first one, but all other races that came and went and I haven’t joined any of them. Unilab Wellness? I wanted to, but it was too soon after Century Tuna. Globe Run For Home? Oh I wanted that, too, but March was a busy month. I had finally resigned to the fact that my next race would be on the second leg of the RunRio Trilogy, and that’s at May.
But then a friend invited us to join the Earth Run on April, and since I just wanted to run again, I said yes. Then we decided to join the National Geographic Earth Day Run instead, and so yeah, whichever, let’s join.
Plans were put on hold, because everyone was busy. One day while I was at the gym, I saw a curious black and yellow shirt and realized that it was actually the official shirt for the NatGeo Run on April 18th. Pretty.
Image from Pinayads.com
My brother and I decided to sign up, me for 5k and him for 10k. We went to the Nike store in Bonifacio High Street to register, but alas, no 5k shirts. Turns out the black shirt is for the 10k and 3k and 5k has the gray shirt. Black is prettier, don’t you think? But even if I wanted black, I can’t possibly run 10k. Not after just running one 5k race, right?
So anyway, my brother and I didn’t get to register that Sunday, so he trekked to Timex is in SM North on Monday to get us registered since they said that shirt sizes will be shipped by then. However, when he got there, there were still no 5k shirts! :(
That posed a dilemma. Either we register then, or not. Or just get a large shirt. But then again, one of the perks of paying the race fee is to get the shirt, which has pretty nice material — perfect to use for work outs. I had to decide fast, because my brother was waiting for my decision if I would find someone to register for me, or join him in 10k, so I could get registered and get a shirt.
Can you guess what I did?
But wait, before you guess, I guess I have to mention that there’s no timing chip for this race. The focus of the race is not the running, but the cause, which is for the Earth, since it’s an Earth Day Run. The proceeds of the race will go to Design Against the Elements (DAtE) which aims to help fight climate change, especially after the devastating effects of Typhoon Ondoy last year. We all know how this is close to my heart, right? Even if I do wish to run and beat my first record, I think it would be better to run and think of the cause this time around because it’s really something important. So my registration fee isn’t really going to a number of organizations that I don’t even know about — it’s going to be something that would help save us from the effects of climate change. I can’t be like Richard Willich, but I can still do something to help the environment.
So can you guess what I did now?
I’m sure everyone here knows about Plants vs. Zombies, right?
Oh come on, you haven’t?! WHYYYY. If you haven’t played it yet, I suggest you turn close your browser, look for a download link and play the game! Like, now!
Anyway to those who don’t know about this, here’s the Wikipedia entry:
Plants vs. Zombies is a tower defense video game developed and published by PopCap Games for Windows, Mac OS X, and iPhone OS. The game involves a homeowner using many varieties of plants to repel an army of zombies. The homeowner, along with a neighbor called Crazy Dave, must defend the homeowner’s house during day or night, in the front yard and the backyard (including the swimming pool), and even on the roof.
I mean, just look at how cute this game is! Where have you been, under a rock?! (Or maybe you’re a zombie? Oh no…braaainz).
Anyway. I’ve been playing this game since mid-2009, and I’ve only blogged about this now because I found this:
Aren’t these just the cutest?! I can imagine an entire collection of this (with more than one of each kind) and I’ll set them up on a green carpet to make it look like they’re on an actual lawn. And maybe there would be zombie plushies too and I could set them up attacking! Can you just imagine that?!
I wonder how it would look like if I try to redesign my room with Plants vs. Zombies theme? Haha, addict much?
But they’re just so adorable! The artist, Alix, tells us that she’s planning to make a sunflower soon (if she doesn’t remake the pea-shooter that is). SUNFLOWER! ♥ I can’t wait to see how it would look. And I wonder if these would eventually be for sale…if it does, I hope I can get to order. I shouldn’t be more expensive than home insurance quotes, right?
I swear, I can’t stop squee-ing over this. :P EEEEE! ♥
Yesterday at Easter Sunday mass, the priest said something very nice during the Homily:
Easter is God’s way to telling us with a smile, “Let’s party!”
I agree, don’t you think? :)
* * *
There’s something about this year’s Lent that is a bit different from last year. Okay, make it a lot different. Last year, I ended Lent and the Holy Week feeling a lot regretful, and even remorseful because of all the things that I did and didn’t do. Last year, I felt like a Peter. I was uncomfortable, but I didn’t accept it because I felt like all the things I worked for, all the things I planned didn’t happen and it annoyed me. I really did end the Holy Week more uncomfortable and humble, but I still had a hard time connecting with God because I was resisting. And I realized then that when I resist, boy I do resist.
So this year, I didn’t exactly promise to be better. I remember promising as Lent started that I will be more open this year. I will try, and I know I will fail, but I will keep on trying. It was the first time I fasted from something that I really love (which was really harder than it was!), and this was also the first time that I told myself to keep an open mind. I was a bit nervous for the Holy Week, because I wasn’t sure what was going to happen, and truth be told, I asked God to not make me cry. Hah, like that would happen.
Anyway. My Triduum was quiet. Wednesday night, my mom and brother and I watched The Book of Eli, then Thursday was the usual mass, followed by a night of silence because cable went out. Friday was spent in Bisita Iglesia, and followed by the Veneration of the Cross and Communion, which was the point of resistance for me last year. This year, I really prayed for an open heart, and found myself opening up to the experience. I realized that it may not be convenient, it may be hot inside the church…but as they say, the best time to be uncomfortable is during Holy Week. And it was definitely uncomfortable, but I was able to somehow relive Christ’s passion (less the gory images, of course) and realize yet again how much Jesus loved us, loved me.
Until now, my heart is having the difficulty trying to fathom all of this. How could one man save us from our sins? How could the death of one man do so much? But I guess that’s the mystery of it, that it’s really something that my puny heart and mind cannot and will not ever understand, at least until I get to His Kingdom. He’s not asking me to understand, anyway, He’s just asking me to believe. Sometimes I admit that it may be easy to just not believe because I honestly don’t think my mind can comprehend it fully…but going down the path of non-belief feels like a dark and dreary and lonely path that I would never ever go down that. I’d rather sell my timeshare and give up everything else than decide not to believe in God’s love and mercy.
One of the things I realized over the weekend one of the reasons (or effects?) on why I’m struggling so much right now. I wanted clarity. I feel so unsettled because although I know that God is always there, I had a hard time believing that He actually was. I have so many plans, so many dreams that I am always afraid of them not being fulfilled. I have so many questions that I don’t know how to answer or what the answer is, and in that fear, I just chose to stop asking. The reason why I wanted to keep on going back my college time is that it’s my mountain top. It’s the time when I knew I was so connected with God that never a day goes by without me knowing something about Him, without me hearing something from Him. Right now, all I can hear is static, and I know it’s not because He’s not speaking — it’s because I’m not listening.
I’m not sure if I’m explaining it correctly. What I learned in the past three days is that if I want to get some kind of clarity, I’ve got to connect. And for me to connect, well I’ve got to pray. I’ve complained and struggled about my prayer time, but I admit to never really doing anything about it…until now. I can’t remember if I blogged about fighting for my heart and all, but I’ve got to recognize that if I wanted to be connected to God, and to know His will and to hear His word…well, I’ve got to fight for it. I’ve got to assurance that it is a won battle, but it doesn’t mean I have to stop fighting. I need to fight for my relationship with God, I need to fight for my prayer time, because I’m pretty sure that He is fighting for it, too.
So by God’s grace, I’m trying again — this time, it’s for real. I will try, and I will fail, but I will keep on trying. I’ve missed Him for too long, and this Lent has reminded me that Jesus died because He couldn’t bear the thought of me not being with Him in Heaven…and I can’t let that go to waste. He loved me this much, and I can’t just ignore that. I can’t.
* * *
To celebrate Easter Sunday, my family and I headed to Bonifacio High Street at my request to check out Church Simplified‘s Walkway. Suffice to say that it was a great idea, and I’m glad we went through it even if it was really hot. I have a lot of pictures that I have to upload, and if you missed the Walkway, make sure you go there next year if they have it again because it’s definitely a new way to experience the Passion, Death and Resurrection of Jesus. :)
This part at the last station spoke to me a lot, and I hope I never forget this:
* * *
One last before I head home! I rekindled my love for one of my favorite Holy Week songs over the weekend: I See Love by Third Day, Steven Curtis Chapman and Mercy Me.
Some see a prisoner, alone before his judge
With no one to defend him
Some see a victim, beaten and abused
With all the world against him
Some see a martyr, carrying his cross
For what he believes
Some see a hero who set his people free…But I see love, I see love
Light of heaven breaking through
Well I see grace, I see God’s face
Shining pure and perfect love
When I see youWith your last breath, I see love
Through your death, I see love
I see peace in the eyes of the king
I see hope in your suffering (I see love)
I see a calm in the center of the storm
I see a Saviour…Some see Him walking from an empty grave.
Happy Easter everyone. ♥
ALLELUIA!
Okay, I’ve been silent for three days, and I never thought it would be this hard. I mean, lat year was definitely harder, but this year there were so many things that I wanted to write, so many things I wanted to say via Facebook and Twitter and Tumblr, but because of my fast from the Internet, I couldn’t.
But let me just say it again, because Easter is such a joyful occasion:
ALLELUIA!
I’ll post a longer post tomorrow because I should go to bed because I’m on day shift tomorrow. But let me just say: I think this has been one of the most meaningful Holy Weeks I’ve ever had. :) And I’m glad.
Thank You, Jesus. :)
