From the monthly archives: August 2010
In a day, it’s September. Cliche, yes, but I need to say it for the nth time in this blog: where did time go?
It’s a holiday and I’m at home, enjoying the fact that I don’t have much to do. I think I may need to work later, but no pressure for myself, because it’s a holiday and I can do anything I want to. I am supposed to fix my books and clean my room (sort of)…but guess who isn’t moving right now.
But anyway, like I said, it’s a holiday and I can do anything. Or not do anything. At least, until later.
So I’m trying to remember how I was a year before, and what I was doing at this day. I have a blog entry last year about friends ditching each other, and wow, that’s a sad entry. I guess I was really sad then. And this is like, 27 days before the flood hit, and I was still clueless then. Not that I have a clue now, but I’d like to believe I know better now. Of course I know I’ll say that next year, too (I hope!), so this small realization just tells me that I still hope to get better every year.
I was thinking of hitting the gym today, but I am feeling lazy. Who knew I would say something like that now, when I used to be at the gym all the time last year? Maybe it’s because I know I’ve lost weight, and I know that I don’t need to burn everything in the gym and I can take it easy. Right now, I’d really rather read books so I can make a dent in my reading list, but I also still like to dance, and run. (So maybe I will dance later.) I still like to sweat, because if I don’t, I won’t be able to enjoy stuff like these:
And speaking of reading books, it’s just more awesome to read books when you have friends you can discuss them in detail with. I’ve written about meeting them here, and I’ve been seeing some of them randomly for the past few weeks, and it’s fun meeting them and talking about books, what we like, what to read and everything book-related all day long. Heaven, mehn, heaven. :) Awesome, awesome.
Which reminds me, I owe a few posts about our bookish adventures. We’ve watched a movie, went to a Comicon and a book launch and hung out for so long that my vocal chords are often so tired when I get home that I don’t want to speak (big surprise). It’s a wonder no one has attempted to sell books books to us. Heh.
Ah well. Changes are good. I am honestly afraid of looking at my goal lists for this year because I know I haven’t fulfilled much of them (driving and baking to name a few), but I think…I won’t pressure myself about that too much either. I mean, yeah, important, but it doesn’t mean my life would be ruined if I don’t get them this year, right? Might be inconvenienced…but not ruined.
I may be just sugarcoating things so excuse me. Or maybe I’m just hungry. So excuse me again. It’s a holiday and I’ll write what I want. :P
I think I’ll read, then if I feel like it, I’ll go dance later. If not, I can always dance tomorrow. Everyone have a great (and sunny!) Monday holiday. :)
Before anything else: I think I have a new food addiction.
Awesomely yummy coffee that perks me up. My diet is going to suffer/is suffering, but gosh this coffee is good. And after my realization about caffeine and me, I am consuming more. I don’t know if it’s just me PMS-ing, but coffee really perks me up, so I need one. In a day.
Oh dear.
Did I tell you how much I love the Dark Roast Coffee Jelly Frapp? Ahhh.
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On another note. Today I went to work early to attend to a meeting with one of the big bosses at work. I’ve been blessed enough to be a part of a selected group of employees who get this privilege to meet the leaders of our company, so I’ve “met” a few. And you know what really and truly mystifies me about them right now? Their general disposition. Well, I can’t blame them for being so happy to travel and so seemingly relaxed because I know Filipinos take care of visitors very well. But it seems like their happiness is deeper. I’m not sure if they’re absolutely content with what they have or what they’re doing, but they look so relaxed, so clear-headed and so…cheerful. Whereas I need coffee to be cheerful. I’d imagine people on higher positions would be more stressed than I am, but they’re not. So. Mystifying.
Then again I don’t think you’d reach that position without being stressed at some point. And I don’t think it would be good if they’re still stressing over the little stuff when they’re in that position, right?
So anyway, one of the important things I learned today is this: have a career plan. But more importantly, I should have a life plan. Because a career plan is just for your career and a life plan is for your, well, life. That is your driving force, why you’re doing what you’re doing. And work is just a means to an end.
Which brings me to a deep question that I don’t have an answer just yet (and I have been trying to answer for the longest time!): what is my life plan?
Nope, no concrete answer to that, yet.
Which is probably why I’m in some sort of career crisis right now. Nothing serious, but lately I’ve been asking a question: Where am I heading? What am I doing? Is this still what I want? I love my company, I like my job, but I don’t know if I should still be doing this or if I should be doing something else. Frankly, sometimes I get bored already. And even if there are coming changes in the team, I still wasn’t excited about it. I’m more overwhelmed, actually, and I’m not sure if I even like it.
Which brings me to another thing I learned today: every risk should have enough push and pull before you take it. If there’s too much push and not enough pull, it means I’m running away. If there’s too much pull but not enough push, then maybe I’m being forced to move. It makes sense, right?
Maybe the reason why I am having a career crisis is because I haven’t figured out two important things, which were also brought up earlier: find out what you’re good at that you’ll be known for, and find your successor. If you ask me now, I do know what I’m good at, but I don’t know if it’s something I can use at work, or in my career, you know. I’d like to believe that my skills, or at least the things I know I am good at right now (writing, sort of managing, debugging, sort of project management) are somewhat valuable to my work. I’m just not sure if I could be known for them, if I’m good enough to be known for them.
And the successor thing. That I haven’t done. Am I worthy to have a successor? Perhaps.
I suddenly had this some sort of panic attack earlier this morning, when a scenario flashed in my mind. I can’t really blog about it, but it is related to work, and even if I know I’m heading to that, I’m not sure if I want that now. I don’t know if I’m ready for it, even if I know it’s going to give some excitement to my career. You know those things? Talk about panic, as in I could hardly breathe (it wasn’t the type where I’d need portable oxygen concentrator, but it was kind of scary) and I almost wanted to bury myself somewhere at home and not go anywhere.
Crazy.
I prayed after that panic attack of course (I love it that today’s reflection in My Utmost for His Highest was trusting in Him), and later on at the meeting, I was affirmed again when the boss said: If you worry about something too much, it won’t happen.
Makes sense, right?
It’s kind of a lot of think about now, but I’m really glad I attended that. It was almost like a breath of fresh air, you know?
So at the end of the day, I still don’t know what my life plan is. But I know that I’m not alone. And I am wiser right now than I was this morning. Which is a good thing, right?
I’d write more but I have a storyboard due tomorrow. So I leave you with this. For the first time this week, I am actually cheerful (but that may be just because of the coffee ^^ ).
Hahahaha, Hey Tina wag mo na lang pansinin yang mga yan, bangag pa yan kagabi. Flying cackroach, hhhhmmmnnn. Don’t worry I’ll always bring a baygon for you. hahahahaha. Ako ata ang bangag. ^_^I can’t let this day pass without blogging on this particular date, of course.
So hello, 08.09.10!
I’m typing this while I eat my late, late dinner. This particular Monday is crazy because there just seemed to be so many things to do. Most of which are leftover from last week, which was also a busy week, and still, things come in and I go crazy trying to keep up. I haven’t been in sync for the past two weeks, really, and it’s frustrating because I keep on trying to catch up but I feel like I’m failing. It’s like trying to tear down a metal building with my bare hands. Okay, that’s an exaggeration, but it’s that frustrating.
Ah, stress. I don’t want to complain about you, but I really wish I can catch up. Please don’t make this Monday be like the rest of the week.
On another, more positive note…wait. Okay, there are positive points to this day despite the stress…but unfortunately, they’re kind of unbloggable. ^^; Sorry friends, those are things I’d really rather keep to myself. If you want to know, you know how to reach me. It doesn’t mean I’ll tell you, but you can try. :)
Ah well. I should get back to eating so I can finish whatever I can finish today. By God’s grace, I will conquer this. Amen.
One more thing.
Happy birthday Marvs! :)
So. The Rexona Run was my secnd 10k run, and I wanted to be ready. My brother, his girlfriend and I registered early and I have been training for it for it ever since we registered. I know I can run 10k, but I wanted to at least try beat my personal record of 1:17:16.
Thing is, about two weeks before the run, I had a bout of asthma. Wait, change that — not a simple bout, but an almost week-long asthma that I wasn’t sure if I would be able to run properly. I couldn’t even try to run on the treadmill without running after my breath. Ahh it was so frustrating.
But still. The run was actually…good.
So! In bullets!
- For the first time, we were actually early for the race. We arrived at the MOA grounds just before the 21k runners left, so there was plenty of time to warm up and prepare for our gun start.
- I noticed that there were more 10k runners this time. I figure those who started out with 5k are now running 10k now, like me.
- My Nike+ didn’t start properly as the race started, so there the data is kind of inaccurate. I think I need to calibrate it once again. The time is 2 minutes off, but I ran farther? Unless it’s really not 10k? Or something. I like how my graph looked, though:
- If you’re wondering why that’s so squiggly, I decided to follow my brother’s strategy: to just run at a certain pace and slow down every now and then, but not really slow down. I have a feeling that every time the graph dips it’s a water station. I slow down there because (1) I don’t want to slip and (2) I had to get a drink. By the fourth water station though, I had to skip it because I felt that I needed to pee. And we know what happens when I run and I need to pee. :o It’s a good thing I skipped because the only portalets were at the end of the race.
- Longest last stretch ever. When I saw the last 1km mark, I was excited and I thought I could run the entire kilometer already. But when I turned to the street, I realized that the finish line was so far away! :( I only ran again after there was about 200 meters left, after a college friend called out my name.
- I love the quotes at each marker — funny and inspiring at the same time. I think this post summarizes that well.
- But I have the most unglamorous running shots. I should learn how to project when it comes to running photos. This may be the best shot I have among the photos:
Well look who loves running.
- Official time: 1:15:12. That’s two minutes off my first 10k, friend. I just broke my personal record (and raised my muscle mass without noxycut — I haven’t been lifting weights, but my muscles went up after the run).
One last, but I won’t put it in bullets: I just found the best running play list ever, at least for me. I discovered it one time while I was running on the treadmill. Break Free by Hillsong United played, I suddenly felt energized. It’s been a while since I last listened to them, and I realized that if there was any song that I needed to listen to when I run, it’s got to be about the One who’s made me run. The One who made this body to run. Who am I running for, anyway?
I think that was what made this race better than the previous one: I spent almost the entire run in prayer. The songs helped, and I even broke into song every now and then while I was running. There was this lightness in my heart, a voice inside me that tells me I can do it, and tells me that He is pleased with me. It was almost like a mountain-top experience, and I loved that I got to talk to God for almost a whole hour. Running can be a spiritual experience, and I proved that during the last run.
So will I run again? Of course. I’m planning to just keep doing 10k (and maybe 15k once) for the rest of the year and then maybe, maybe break into 21k by next year. I just need to make sure I’m conditioned for that length.
Yeah, I will keep running this race, these races. Thank You Lord for giving me running so I can see Your glory. :)
I wonder how she does it.
My mom left to visit our dad in Saipan more than a month ago, which left me in charge of the household stuff at home. I wasn’t really that stressed over it because I know I can handle it, and she’d be back before we know it. That, and my mom was in Saipan for almost three months last time, and we managed just fine. No biggie, right?
Well, it’s been almost five weeks, and honestly? I’m tired. I’m not really sure why, especially since we have household help now, and having her around solved the problem of what to eat, especially early in the morning when I have to prepare to work, or when it’s late and I’m tired and I wanted something home cooked. But still, I can’t help but think about the stuff at home — like do we have enough to eat? Did I pay everything I have to pay for? Add that with my work, my gym time, and everything else that I had to deliver…well, it’s kind of crazy. What exhausted me more, I think, is handling the budget.
I think I am pretty good at handling budget, but I totally forgot how many bills that my mom keeps track of. I only keep track of three credit cards, one phone bill and two insurances, and I feel that’s a lot already…but now that I handled the bills at home, all I can say is wow. So many things to pay for, so many things to consider in the budget! It’s a good thing I’m not studying anymore, because I honestly have no idea how my parents can fit in all those expenses! Sometimes I feel like I can’t even budget my own money — what more for them, when they’re still providing some stuff for us?
But I guess that’s what my parents, especially my mom, is gifted at. Managing the household. Making sure everything is running. Making sure we’re all full, safe, and provided for. Seeing how I prefer so many luxuries now, I don’t know if I’ll ever reach their level of unselfishness.
Ah well. I have one more week left of handling the household, and then my mom will be home, finally.No wonder I’m so stressed, and why my skin is breaking out (pretty soon I’ll have to look for best acne treatment to get rid of these). Tomorrow…or I mean later, I’m taking the time off to treat myself. There’s no stopping me.
And before I go: I miss you Ma! :)
My friend Gel and I were talking yesterday after she said something about Facebook delivering bad news to her about some friends. After learning the news, I felt sad too because they were also my friends. :( Then we got to discussing other situations, which ended up with us talking about how we are as friends and how we were as Christians.
Sometimes I can’t help but feel like I’m an antagonist, especially when it comes to other people’s relationships. Like, say, if a friend got into a relationship too hastily. Or if a friend is leaving other people for a guy or a girl. Or if a friend is too focused on something that he/she is missing other things in the process. I hope I’m not being selfish, but sometimes I just get this gut feel that something isn’t right, or something will not turn out right. Ever had that feeling? Sometimes I’d like to think I’m prophetic. It’s not exact science like Phentermine 37.5; sometimes I think I just happen to have good instincts.
Anyway, I can’t help but feel bad about feeling those things though. I feel those things because I am concerned, but I never had the guts to say them out loud, in fear of being labeled as jealous, or again, an antagonist. Kontra bida. Sometimes I wonder if I feel those things because I am just envious of their situation (especially when it comes to love related matters), or if there is really sound reason to why I am feeling that way. Still, I never had the guts to voice those concerns out loud. More often than not, I end up hiding, because I don’t know if I can talk to the person without saying anything wrong. When things fall apart, I am always there to help my friend…but sometimes I wonder if that is too late. If I had said something before, would it have lessened the blow to my friend?
I don’t think I’ll ever know the answer. But the thing I always, always have to remember is it’s better to be loving than to be right. I think I just have to remember and discern which is the more loving thing to do than what is right. If there’s anything that I should do first, it’s to love. Doesn’t matter if I’m wrong or the other person is wrong, or whatever. I must always, always choose to love.
Because in the long run, whatever they are going through, whatever junk they have stored, I know I have something in me, too, that is junk. Maybe even bigger than theirs. So I really have no right whatsoever to say what is right; I can only just love.
Reposting a quote from an old post, because it fits:
“And remember this…the junk in your life and the junk in [his] life aren’t really all that different when you compare them to the holiness of the One who forgives them both. They’re both just pretty much junk.”
- Jake Phillips to his daughter Savannah, Savannah by the Sea, p. 256
Have a blessed Wednesday, everyone.
[Cross-posted from my Tumblr]
Believe deep down in your heart that you are destined to do great things.
If you have told me that I would be running 10 kilometer races last year, I would have laughed. I was never the sporty kid, and the only way I lost all the extra weight I had was because of gym time and exercise. I never liked sports.
Then I decided to try something new this year, and running races was one of them. I thought I’d be doing 5k until the end of the year, but after an impulsive moment, I started doing 10k and never looked back.
Of course, I have only ran 4 times this year, so I can’t say that I am a great runner. I can’t say that running loves me, but I think I am starting to love running (even if my legs and knees tell me otherwise, especially post run).
Today I broke my first personal record for my 10k race. Official results will be out in the next few days are out, and my time is: 1:15:12. That’s about two minutes less than my first real 10k! The idea that I was able to run better, faster this time (despite having only 2 hours of sleep — don’t do this, kids!) is enough to make me giddy. :)
And it helped a lot that I made sure to pray while running the race. :) Awesome God, indeed.
Now my 2 hours of sleep are catching up — I’ve been awake for almost 20 hours already. Till the next run! (Adidas King of the Road, October 24! Who wants to come with? :P)
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Proper race post to follow in the next few days, after the PhotoVendo pics go up so I have actual running pictures! :) Right now I better get ready for work, and put some moisturizer on my hands because its strangely dry, and I don’t want that to end up as eczema.
Have a great week everyone. :)
