On Spontaneity

I’ve never been a spontaneous person. I’d like to be spontaneous, to do things at the spur of the moment without thinking of how to do it or what the consequences would be, but it’s just not in my personality. I admire spontaneous people, and when I join in their spontaneity, I like it. But, as boring as this may sound, I like order. I like it when things go as planned, or at least somewhat close to it, even with little surprises along the way. I’m obssessive compulsive in that way — I like making to-do lists, I like having a scheduled time to do things, I like having even a general game plan. In short (and I have mentioned this before), I’m a control freak.

I know it sounds like I’m too stiff and boring, and probably most of you would say, “Chill, Tina!” It’s not that I totally get pissed off when there are changes in plans or things don’t go my way. Yes, I don’t like it, but I do know how to adjust. But I do have a limit, as with everyone. Don’t you just hate it when that happens?

It sounds so stiff and boring, and yes, I know one must be open to change. And I know it sounds funny coming from me, who talks about surrender and letting go and all time — but yes, I have issues with that. :P I want to learn how to be more spontaneous, be more unpredictable, but for goodness sake, at least be true to the plans you make. Why bother making plans when you won’t follow it after?

Hmm. Anyway. So many thoughts running in my head but I don’t know how to write it down. I just pray I’ll get over this pissed feeling soon. :P

No worries. :) I’m okay.