Steady now, we're in this together

My dad arrived today. :) Yay. After fetching him at the airport, we headed to Duty Free and got lots of chocolates again (goodbye diet! Hahaha). I almost broke a bottle of Vodka for my brother’s birthday which goes to show how much of a klutz I am. I spent the rest of the afternoon reading The Curious Incident of a Dog in the Night Time by Mark Haddon (very unique novel…at some point I dreamt I was also autistic), and sleeping. I ate some Holy Kettle Corn (and felt really fat afterwards) and then prepared for the CLP.

Tonight’s talk was an old talk I’ve heard so many times already: Who is Jesus Christ? Being a part of the community for seven years, I’ve heard many versions of this talk many times. I’ve shared for this talk once, and to be honest, I don’t think it was a good sharing. :P I can’t remember what exactly I said then, but I don’t think I answered the question of who Jesus Christ is to me clearly.

Anyway, so tonight they needed a sharer and Kuya Gary got me, joking that I’m always mission ready. Right. I took the opportunity and the speaker, Ate Bev, told me to just share about who Jesus is for me. Then I was faced with the same question that I didn’t get to answer before: who is Jesus Christ to me?

You know how when you’re asked to describe someone close to your heart, you suddenly get speechless and don’t know where to start? It’s like you get so overwhelmed with the qualities that this person has that you can’t put it into words, and instead of describing him/her directly, you talk about your past experiences with this person? That’s the feeling I got while thinking of my sharing.

Jesus has been a part of my life ever since I was a kid. My younger years were filled with Bible stories, childish prayers to Jesus during family prayer times, lessons and stories on how Jesus was born on Christmas and how He died on the cross during Holy Week. I never called Him “Papa Jesus”, but I knew Him. Pretty much.

As I grew up, it stayed that way: I just knew Him. But He was never really a part of my life. Even when I was a part of the community, I just knew Him but I didn’t let Him in my life. Okay, so maybe I let Him in a few times but when I feel like things were going out of control, I quickly shut the door on Him and try to get control again.

Last week, I was reading my old Livejournal archives to pass time in the office (oops! You caught me! Hahahaha!), and I was really amused at how I was back then. Mind you, that was only five years ago, but it was funny how different I view life now than before. I saw old entries back in fourth year high school, where most of my entries spoke of God. I was known as the YFC girl back then, and as I look back, I know that I didn’t have a solid relationship with Jesus then. I just prayed to Him and thanked Him if things are going well. It’s not that my faith then was fake; it was just slightly more immature than now.

Anyway, as I was thinking of my sharing, I remembered those entries and then it struck me. Whenever I find myself calling onto Jesus back then, He never failed to be with me. One way or another, even if it wasn’t the same outcome I was praying for, I knew that He had been with me every step of the way. Those times I’ve felt alone, those times I’ve felt like my friends were tired of all the things I keep on sharing and unloading with them, Jesus was there.

And it’s really nice to know that, you know? That there’s Someone who would never ever get tired of you, who would never ever reject you or tell you that you’ve told him that story for the fifth time already. I know it’s hard to open up to some people because we feel like they won’t understand what we are going through; that they’d think you’re a shallow person for making such a big deal of whatever you’re dealing with right now. It’s like with kids. If a kid gets a wound on his knee or his elbow, all he thinks of is that wound. He’d cry about it and make sure it is given special attention, even if for us grown ups, it’s just a little scratch, it’s not a big deal. But with Jesus, if that wound is a big deal for the kid, then it is also a big deal with Him. In the same way, whatever is important for us is also important for Him. Whatever hurts us, no matter how shallow it may seem, also hurts Him, and in fact, He is willing to take that from me just so I wouldn’t have to suffer. Why? Simple. Because He loves me. Because He loves you.

Thinking of that, I just feel so overwhelmed at His awesome love. I know that no matter how many times I rant out on whatever that’s bothering me — be it on the future or love life issues (two things I found myself ranting out a lot for the past years) — He would never get tired of listening. Like what I said earlier, if I were in His position, if I had to listen to myself rant over and over again on the same thing, I’d probably give up on myself as well. Other people may get sick of listening to me, but I know Jesus never will. People may give up on you, but I promise you that Jesus will never ever do that. He’ll be the last one to leave your side in whatever battle you’re facing; in fact, He’ll even stand in front of you to protect you. He loves us that much.

My answer to the question of who is Jesus to me? Simple. He’s my everything. I don’t know what I’ll be if it weren’t for Him. ♥