In the shuttle on my way home yesterday, I listened to the water fall down heavily on the roof of the van. I closed my eyes everytime a flash of lightning comes and automatically start counting after until I hear thunder. I was worried that we might have no electricity at home because of the heavy downpour — I still have to charge Captain Tal and my service unit for work. I wondered if I might have to spend the night in the darkness with no cellphone and only Triskal ((You’ll get to know him really soon; I just need to have time to write about him ;) )) to keep me company.

I got home safe and sound and soaking wet, and as I was eating my dinner, I suddenly remembered why I (used to) love the rain: when it rains hard enough, no classes for the next day.

Haaaay. For the nth time, I missed being a student again. Last night I found myself wishing that it rains really, really, really, really hard (but still no power outage, of course), and the government would announce no work for private and government offices. I would wake up to the cold weather, learn about this, sigh and go back to sleep. Ahhh.

Asa pa. I wish. As if that would happen. :-<

Remember that Nescafe commercial a few years back, where there was these guys who live in a dorm and are preparing for their day when one of them turns on the radio, listens for a bit and then runs to the hallway and yells, “WALANG PASOK!!!” ((Read: No classes!!!)) That was one of the best and most relaxing commercials I can remember. The rain last night also reminded me of the cold days at the dorm when we’re stuck because it was flooded outside our unit. I remember those days we’d cook up warm soup/noodles to eat during rainy days, or play Monopoly, or watch a DVD…sometimes my roommates and I would just talk.

Hay, nostalgia. But I can’t go back, as much as I want to. Such is life.

But don’t get me wrong, I loved the rain last night. I used to love the rain back in high school then disliked it when I started commuting in college. Now I think I’m starting to like it again. :) But the rain made me think of things that as much as I want to think about, I avoid because it makes me sad and want to go back and then I feel bad even more because I know I can’t. Did that make sense?

Anyway. Tonight, it threatened to rain but it didn’t pour. Yet. It’s payday today too, and because of that and Triskal, my brother and I went to Metrowalk and loaded on TV goodies, i.e. Prison Break Season 1 (please tell me the DVD ripper has it wrong and it’s reading only 14 eps but it’s really 22!!! Please?), Supernatural Season 1 and 2 (It’s my first time watching this. I bet I’ll be scaring the willies out of me but my curiosity’s got me :P), and Heroes Season 1 (Peter Petrelli! ♥ ). I still have some CSI:NY to wade through before I get to the others. Marathon na to!

Speaking of, I still want to borrow a DVD of CSI Seasons 1-6. Anyone? Or does anyone have AVI files and is willing to burn me a copy? *bats eyelashes* I’m such a cheapskate; my pocket hurts at the thought of buying an entire set of only one show…unless I head over to Quiapo. But if there’s no CSI, Veronica Mars would do. ;)

Before I go, I want to give a big thanks to Noemi, who owns Protagonist Webhosting, for upping my bandwidth this month, thus the comeback of Refine Me after exceeding my bandwidth the other day. :) Thank you, thank you! >:D<

Off I go. Mac Taylor and the rest of CSI:NY awaits.

I’ve mentioned this to some of my friends and also here but let me say it again: I miss college. People say high school is the best years of their life, but I beg to disagree: my college life rocked. It’s probably because college opened my doors to so many new people after being surrounded by people I have known for almost all of my life in elementary and high school. I lived for the change and challenge college brought me, as well as the chance to be a “regular” student and not an overachiever that I was.

Mr. Cabrera listed ten reasons why graduation isn’t all it’s cracked up to be, and I’ll post them here (translated) with some comments of a 1-year graduate. :)

1. No more allowance.
Oh yes, this is so true. The no allowance rule comes every summer of a student’s life, and amusingly, it [allowance] has become one of the reasons why students started to like going to school. Simply put: no school = no moolah = no gimmicks. The only difference between having no money during summer vacation before graduation and after graduation is that you can still ask for money from your parents as long as you haven’t graduated yet, but once you have, asking money is harder because you’re supposed to get a job so you could pay for your own gimmicks. Not only that, but once you graduate and get a job, you’ll have to be more responsible for your own expenses. This counts paying for your phone bill/load, food, gas, and if you have a younger sister or brother, you’d be asked to help with their expenses ((Luckily for me, I’m the youngest in the family so I don’t have anyone else to help with schooling)).

2. No more friends. You and your friends won’t be able to hang out as much anymore. There is also a slower process of making new friends when you join the workforce.
True too, especially if some of your friends didn’t graduate from college the same time as you did. Or if your friends got a job before you did. Or they suddenly became busy with their own social lives — family, old friends, boyfriends, girlfriends…well you can’t blame them. :-/ And I’d have to agree that you and your friends can’t enter the same company at once, unless you all start a business together.

As for the slower process of making new friends, it’s true too, especially if you start working for a company who has more older employees than people your age. In college, you get to meet new people every term while at work you get stuck with the same people until someone else comes in or you get out and join another company.

3. No more time to read.
AMEN! Although I did have time to read around Christmas, right now there’s just no more time to read as much as I want (that’s why I have so many books up for queue, and my book ban is almost over!). Moreover, let me add, no more time to write. :( By the time I get home, all I want to do is watch TV and sleep. Weekends make me want to do that too. Loser. L-)

4. No more summer vacation, only a short vacation during Christmas.
Let’s not forget Holy Week too. But anyway, it’s true. Hay, what I would give to have a really long summer vacation after four years. The cons of studying in a trimestral-based school. And have I mentioned that I haven’t been to the beach this summer yet? Boo.

5. No more free gimmicks.
Mr. Cabrera talked about the UP Fair here, so I guess it’s equivalent to University Week or CCS Week. Gah, I miss those! Especially CCS Week! Acoustic Night (started at our batch!), Faculty Variety Show, PasiCATCHan, Livewire, free movies, lots of games, less classes…aaaahhhh! How I miss it! It’s not always free, but it was definitely a break from monotony. No more things like that after graduation. :(

5. You can’t absent yourself anymore.
Well, you can if you already have leaves (which I don’t). But then in college there are a number of absences you can take at your own expense ((By this I mean that if you absent, you’ll be missing out on lessons but not on money)), but there’s always recovery time by your classmates. :P In DLSU we had 7.5 maximum absences for MWF classes and 5 for TH ((This means Tuesday and Huwebes. Hahaha, the first thing that was explained to me by my Lasallian Ambassador was that TH means Tuesday and Thursday, not Thursday only. Talk about killing excitement :P)) classes. If you’re a DL, however, you get unlimited cuts, and some professors don’t follow this rule at all. :P

7. In connection to the sixth reason…you can’t just “drop” your work if you don’t like it.
True. Although I never dropped any subjects in college (haha, I failed them. Boo), I know how this is. At work you can’t just stop going to work because you don’t feel like it and come back after; it’s either you resign or stick with it until you enjoy it…or it makes you resign. :P

8. You can’t text while at work.
Well, technically I can since I work for a telco, but yes, you can’t text anyone just that. Unlike in college, when you’re bored, you could text the person beside you to talk, or text your crush, or text your friends from another class/course/org to meet you after class to hang out. At work you can text your friends who also work, but most of them don’t reply anymore because they’re also working. Le sigh.

9. You can’t copy from anyone anymore.
Well, who would you copy from?

10. When school’s over, it’s over.
I like how Mr. Cabrera says it here:

Pag tapos ka na, tapos ka na. Ito ang ikasampung dahilan kung bakit bad trip magtapos: hindi na p’wedeng bumalik. Hindi ka na p’wedeng bumalik. Tapos na ang mga araw ng baon, kaibigan, pagbabasa, bakasyon, libreng gimik, pag-aabsent, pagda-drop, pagtetext, pangongopya. Tapos ka na e. Tapos na. Oras na para magsimula.

To (roughly) translate:

When you’re graduate, you’re a graduate. This is the tenth reason why graduation isn’t all it’s cracked up to be: you’re not allowed to go back. You can’t go back. Gone are the days of allowances, friends, reading, vacations, free gimmicks, cutting, dropping, texting and copying. You’ve graduated. It’s finished. It’s time to start again.

Sigh. So, so true. As much as I want to do it all over again, I can’t. No one can. Even if you and your friends decide to take Master’s or a second degree, it’s not going to be the same as it was in college. Life’s so much simpler then than now. Back then all I worried about was studies, org stuff and if the guy I like liked me back. Now I wonder if this job is really for me, about my family, my health, my dreams — everything that a naive young 1-year grad thinks about.

Yes, it’s exciting to graduate, but once you get here, it’s an entirely different world. Sometimes cruel, sometimes not, but usually unknown which makes it a bit more terrifying IMHO.

But even with all those (non) perks I listed, it’s still a fairly exciting road. The Great Adventure, ika nga.

So I went to Makati and walked to San Lorenzo Village. Of course, it was my first time there, so I followed an Assumptionista into the village so I’d know where to get in. I didn’t get lost and got there on time. I met up with Ms. Lea who led me to the YFC room and I met Louie, their president, who is such a sweet girl. They had a game, then my talk. The girls were kind of noisy but there were some who listened to me intently…I find them all kind of sweet and their noisiness didn’t really offend me because, well, they’re high school! Haha, after the talk, I got to talk to some of them who asked me some kind of difficult questions, and the other one, Shimmy, asked me about books. Haha. I’d like to go there again given the chance. :)

After the club meeting, I went to Glorietta again and browsed around bookstores while I waited for Gigie. When she arrived, she treated me some snacks and then I dropped her off at the MRT while I looked for a cab who will bring me to the Es-Twenty reunion. But it’s Friday night, and I’m at Makati, which means it’s hard to get a cab.

I went all around Glorietta and SM and Park Square to get a cab…until I ended up at North Park. I stood there waiting for a cab who will actually stop. There was a man a few feet away from me who was trying to hail a cab too. I stood near him and then he looked at me and asked, “Uunahan mo pa ba ako?” (Loose translation: “Will you steal a cab from me too?”) Of course, I said I won’t because I’m not like that. Then he asked me where I was going and it turns out we were going the same way and he told me we could ride together so it would be easier. I agreed reluctantly but of course I was kind of scared because I don’t know who that man is. We talked, and I found out he lives in the US but he was just visiting the Philippines and he was on his way to Batangas where he’s staying. He needed to catch the last trip of the bus from Jam transit and he was having a hard time catching a cab too. We stood there until we finally got a cab. We talked a bit more — he told me about his daughter’s college tuition fee, his divorce and how it is living in the US. Surprisingly, he wasn’t complaining that much about how the Philippines is compared to the US — so maybe there’s not much to complain? Anyway, when I got to my stop, I was about to pull out my wallet when he said he’ll take care of it. I accepted and he told me to have a good time and he and the cab went away.

That was really nice. :) It’s the second time that thing happened to me (the first time was during fourth year high school, a woman rode the tricycle with me and I helped her fasten her bracelet and she paid for half my fare), and I’d like to believe it’s God’s blessing for me. To be honest, I’m not comfortable riding cabs alone because I was always warned not to. I only do it in desperate cases like last night…and God is good. :D Amen.

I got to the reunion dinner on time…and it was fun being with my blockmates once again. There weren’t many of us though, and Jolai didn’t go down from Baguio which was what I was really looking for. But it was fun. It was fun reminiscing all our block days even if it was just for two terms. :D And because I love them so much, I’ll reserve all S20 memories in another post sometime soon. :)

Here’s one of the two pictures I have for the night…there’s a prof with us there…guess where he is. :P

Today I shall rest. And read. And watch TV. And fill out some forms for work. Haha that sounded so mature. :P

I’ve been going down to memory lane lately and I’ve been feeling nostalgic and all…so here’s Thirteen Things I miss from college (in no particular order), my first Thursday Thirteen. :)

1. My dorm. It may not be as glamorous or as nice as living in any of the condos near school, but my dorm was home. My first room was not just a living space but a party area because of all the visitors we have, and my second room was a place away from all the madness there is inside school. :) Ah, fun times. My dorm’s being torn down now though, because it’s going to be renovated. So sad. :(
2. Planet Gokongwei. For those who don’t know, Planet Gokongwei is Gokongwei building, which is my College of Computer Studies’ building in DLSU. It’s called “Planet” because it’s far away from the main buildings. :D Gox may have been too far away from the main buildings or may be too hot or too crowded or whatever, but Gokongwei is still home. :)
3. The YFC Tambayan. This is the place where most of the people from my college “org” (I used quotes because I don’t think of CFC Youth for Christ as an organization but as a community) hangs out. My place of solitude when things in Gox get too mad. Of course, it’s not exactly quiet if you think of solitude that way. In the YFC Tambayan, I can be forget about my academic worries and be with my friends who also seek the face of God. :)
4. And speaking of which…I miss my IST block. I miss our classes, our miss the times we have food trips (that was usually before Ms. Lilet’s classes, right?), our random Y!M chats, our thesis woes, lunches and dinners and all that. I miss you aaaallll.
5. The Pearl of the Great Price Chapel. This is the place where I know I’d find God for sure. If ever I needed some peace and quiet and some spiritual consolation and can’t find it because the place around me is so cluttered and noisy, this is the sure place I’d go to.
6. Aithne, Janine and Ynna, my first roommates. We still haven’t got the chance to eat that bucket meal together! Man, we should should should do that, like soon! These girls made being stressed fun. All nighters galore. :)
7. Ann, Aya, Jamie and Katz, my second roommates. My younger sisters. :) You guys made being “ate” feel tons nicer. I loved treating you guys for Cello’s and I love having food trips with you guys. I miss you!
8. The Ampitheater. If ever I’m in need for a breath of fresh air, the ampitheater is the first place I’d go to. The place to hang out, to talk, to watch concerts in and to have households when there’s no place to go to — that’s the ampitheater!
9. And again, speaking of which…my YFC Docu household! I miss being a mommy to all of you guys and our bi-monthly household gatherings. I seriously didn’t mind texting you all for whatever YFC activity we have. I promise to have a reunion and to treat you guys to dinner or something when I get a job!
10. The Happy Veggie Girls: Bea, Tuesday and Happy. These girls are the ones who I knew I could run to immediately for anything that comes up into my life. I hope that thing on the 18th works out. :)
11. Animo Canteen’s burritos, mojos, ham and french toast and melon juice. They’re not the cheapest food on campus, but they sure are yummy and easy to buy when I’m at the tambayan. :) Oh yeah, I don’t recommend eating them all together. ;)
12. SPS Canteen’s soft ice cream. For Php25.00, I can get a cup of soft vanilla ice cream mixed with another flavor and topped with either chocolate or caramel syrup. :) My personal favorite is strawberry-vanilla topped with chocolate syrup. Yum!
13. Having classes. I miss the general idea of having classes. Of having something definite to do everyday. Of having something to finish every week, every term. I even miss the stress of projects and exams, and the joy (and sometimes sorrow) of receiving the grades. I just miss being a student. *sigh*

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I’m almost done with my self-imposed vacation, and I shall start my job hunting tomorrow. Well, I’ll start it on Monday, actually, since tomorrow isn’t a business day. But tomorrow, I shall fix my resume, beef up my portfolio a bit and then fix my JobStreet and JobsDB resumes as well. And then it’s work time…or at least, job hunt time.

I make it sound so easy, but you know what? I’m terrified. I still feel like a fish out of the water, a chicken running around with its head cut off. I still feel so inadequate and to think I graduated from one of the top universities in the country.

I know and feel that this is where God wants me to be right now, but I still feel a bit lost. Lost in the sense that I still don’t know where to go, I still don’t really have a grasp on what I should do. A part of me wants to start working already, but another part of me is saying that I still want to stay as a bum and all that. This sounds mighty shallow, I know, but that part of me is actually saying that I’ll be missing out on all the shows I watch at home during my bumtime. And I actually listen to that. Biruin nyo yun.

There’s also this part of me that wonders if I’ll ever have time for myself when I get working. I suppose my imagination is exaggerating because I always imagine myself working too much and not getting time for myself afterwards; but even my brother finds time for himself everyday when he gets home. I guess in a way that’s me being afraid of the responsibility of being an adult?

Hay. And then I also start to worry about other things that I don’t even worry about…like what about my family? What about my mom? If I start working, she’ll be all alone at home and she’ll be lonely and all that…what about my friends? Will we see each other if I start working? I won’t be able to go to any swimming trips that Bea plans or other things that they plan during the weekday if I work. You know?

*sigh*

Sometimes, I hate it when I think too much. And this is one of those times. I know that most of these thoughts are just silly thoughts, thoughts that the devil are using so that I would completely freeze and not move on and be a lazy bum all my life. And because I know that, it makes me even more annoyed at myself because I’m supposed to know about all of these already. I’m supposed to be ready for this…but why do I feel so unprepared? :(

*sigh again*

I feel that the Lord is really urging me to dive…and after all the time that I’ve spent resting and “preparing” myself…it’s about time I move, you know? To take that leap of faith that I’ve learned to take last term while doing our thesis. This is just another one of those, and no matter how terrified I am, I just have to keep looking Up, to the Son.

Hay Lord. Calm my heart. Teach me to trust You again this time…I know You’ll take care of me, that You have plans for me…but for that to happen, I have to take The Leap. Help me, Father, to take that first step, and another and another…until I dive in into Your love. Cast away my fears, Father, and help me to believe in Your plan for me and my family. I love You. ♥

When God asks you to take a leap of faith, He will teach you how to fly or catch you if you fall.
- May 26, 2006

I wish I had better pictures to show how the entire event went through (well, I do have pictures, but I’m a bit too lazy to transfer them yet), but it would have to wait for now. Because I need a nap before I go to my CLP. :P

This is it! Welcome to the world. :)

I’ll post more sentimental whatever thoughts later. I just want to say this out to the people who sat through the entire 3 hour event with me in black gowns inside the PICC Plenary Hall:

CONGRATULATIONS TO THE DE LA SALLE UNIVERSITY GRADUATES OF 2005-2006 (Third Term)! =)

Thizizit!

Once again, I proved that the college I chose four years ago is really indeed so far away from where I live. My feet still ached from walking all day in heels yesterday. I am not a heels person. However, I should start getting used to it, right? When I start working, that is. Anyway, yesterday was our mandatory pre-graduation meet up in the school. It was the day when we pick up our graduation attire (as can be seen by the previous post), get class pictures taken, attend baccalaureate mass and rehearse for graduation. Talk about a tiring day — as Marvs mentioned in his blog, it was (almost) chaos. It was nice seeing my batchmates again, but it was just too tiring especially after my body got used to all the bumming I’ve been doing here.

So this is it. Well, almost it. Graduation ceremonies aren’t until Saturday, and though I am not really looking forward to wearing heeled shoes again, I am quite excited to get the feel of the ceremonies myself, as well as get this over with. I don’t know if I will shed some tears then — I feel like I won’t, but who knows? I could be a crybaby if I want to. But I bet, if I do shed some tears, it wouldn’t be mostly because of sadness but more of joy. Joy because it’s finally and truly over.

Let me say it again because I love saying it: It’s over. :)

Ah, there they are, the emotions that I’ve been looking for for the past minutes while blogging. The overwhelming sense of being thrown into the real world is now surfacing, together with the lost feeling that makes insert a thought bubble over my head that says, “What now?”

I’d spare you the details of all the thoughts that run into my mind — like me being scared, wanting to run around like a headless chicken, at the same time overwhelmed at all the choices and decisions that I have to make and just wanting everything to go back to where it was before, snuggling back into my comfort zones where I knew every nook and cranny and nothing will ever surprise me. That kind of thing, you know?

Wait, I just shared what I said I wouldn’t, didn’t I? Ooops.

But yes, I do feel those, and I guess every graduate feels that way too. Suddenly I feel like I’m so…ignorant, you know? Inadequate. Like no company would ever accept me for a job. It’s like a voice inside my head is telling me that I should have tried harder the past four years so I would have made better marks than I have now, so I would have something to put in my resume once I start applying. Of course, I know grades aren’t everything, but who am I to say that in the world of things I don’t know about yet?

Maybe a few months later, I would be reading this post again and laugh at how insecure and unsure I sound. Hopefully, I do. Because if I look at this post again after a few months and still feel the same…then that means I haven’t been doing anything to make myself better. And that’s just sad.

Okay, I’ll stop pouting and worrying now. Why worry? I have a Big God who I know is taking care of me and will never ever leave me. The knowledge of that alone is enough for me to stop worrying. :)

Anyway. Today, I got my hair straightened again after two years of not having it treated that way. I was supposed to get bangs and all, but I realized that if I get bangs and then get my hair blow-dried, it would look good at first. I might even pass for “cute”. Haha. But when I take a bath and wet my hair…how would I look? Semi-wavy/frizzy hair with bangs. Huh. I can’t imagine.

Or maybe it’s because of my lack of creativity and fashion sense that made me go back to my frosh year hairstyle.

Nevertheless, I don’t mind. Straight hair still looks nice on me as far as I can say. Though I have to admit (again) that I grew heavier and pudgier for the past months. That I should find a way to lose.

While my hair was being treated and my toenails being pedicured, I got myself a list of things to do/work on while I’m frictionally unemployed:

1. Be a bit more girly. I shall wear heels a bit more often so my feet would get used to them. I will start looking for styles that look good on me other than jeans-shirt-sneaks combo.
2. Practice driving more. By November I should be able to drive in EDSA without feeling like I’d get into a car crash any moment. :P
3. Learn to cook actual dishes. Prito-queen no more.
4. Practice programming in PHP. And learn other programming languages. Okay, at least read about them. (geek!)
5. Be updated about news in my field (Computers, Technology, Education, Multimedia). (geek!)
6. Get in touch with old friends and catch up on old times.
7. Learn how to iron clothes properly. Not counting handkerchiefs.
8. Lose weight and acquire a healthier lifestyle (i.e. stop consuming too much sugar and MSG, refrain from fastfood and stop eating snacks at any time of the day). I don’t really want to resort to using thermogenic fat burners to lose all these flabs, unless it’s absolutely necessary. So healthier lifestyle, it is!

One final realization before I end this long post: I love tuna sandwich. Someday I will make my own recipe of tuna salad spread and that will be what I will pass down the generations. Haha. :P

Good night. :)