Whenever this Psalm comes up in my prayer time, I am always left in awe. I remember my parents used to sing one song that was based on this Psalm, but I never memorized it. It wasn’t until thesis time, when I was freaking out at the dorm, when a friend sent me this Psalm to encourage me.

The basic message of this Psalm is God is good. Taste and see God’s goodness. He is a good God, and He will not leave me, and because of that, I will praise Him. It’s such a simple and beautiful Psalm that it always takes my breath away and my heart brims with thanks with the affirmation that this Psalm brings.

I may not be able to go online again until tomorrow to blog, chat and look at apidexin reviews because I’ll be spending the night in Ortigas for our 10k run tomorrow, so I’m leaving you with this Psalm. :)

Psalm 34 (The Message version)

¹ I bless God every chance I get; my lungs expand with his praise.

² I live and breathe God;
if things aren’t going well, hear this and be happy:

³ Join me in spreading the news;
together let’s get the word out.

⁴ God met me more than halfway,
he freed me from my anxious fears.

⁵ Look at him; give him your warmest smile.
Never hide your feelings from him.

⁶ When I was desperate, I called out,
and God got me out of a tight spot.

⁷ God’s angel sets up a circle
of protection around us while we pray.

⁸ Open your mouth and taste, open your eyes and see—
how good God is.
Blessed are you who run to him.

⁹ Worship God if you want the best;
worship opens doors to all his goodness.

¹⁰ Young lions on the prowl get hungry,
but God-seekers are full of God.

¹¹ Come, children, listen closely;
I’ll give you a lesson in God worship.

¹² Who out there has a lust for life?
Can’t wait each day to come upon beauty?

¹³ Guard your tongue from profanity,
and no more lying through your teeth.

¹⁴ Turn your back on sin; do something good.
Embrace peace—don’t let it get away!

¹⁵ God keeps an eye on his friends,
his ears pick up every moan and groan.

¹⁶ God won’t put up with rebels;
he’ll cull them from the pack.

¹⁷ Is anyone crying for help? God is listening,
ready to rescue you.

¹⁸ If your heart is broken, you’ll find God right there;
if you’re kicked in the gut, he’ll help you catch your breath.

¹⁹ Disciples so often get into trouble;
still, God is there every time.

²⁰ He’s your bodyguard, shielding every bone;
not even a finger gets broken.

²¹ The wicked commit slow suicide;
they waste their lives hating the good.

²² God pays for each slave’s freedom;
no one who runs to him loses out.

Have a great weekend everyone. Taste and see God’s goodness! :)

I was listening to Lifeteen‘s the newest The Mix podcast, and though it didn’t bring me to tears like the last one, the reflection at the end hit straight home, as usual.

So I thought we’d start this week (favorite week?) with a reflection about prayer and desires, that was spoken at the end of the said podcast. This is an excerpt from St. Augustine’s Letter to Proba on Prayer, that outlines his interpretation of 1 Thessalonians 5:16: “Pray without ceasing.” Thanks to The Crossroads Initiative for the text. :) Empahsis (the words in underline) are mine, btw.

Why in our fear of not praying as we should, do we turn to so many things, to find what we should pray for? Why do we not say instead, in the words of the psalm: I have asked one thing from the Lord, this is what I will seek: to dwell in the Lord’s house all the days of my life, to see the graciousness of the Lord, and to visit his temple? There, the days do not come and go in succession, and the beginning of one day does not mean the end of another; all days are one, simultaneously and without end, and the life lived out in these days has itself no end.

So that we might obtain this life of happiness, he who is true life itself taught us to pray, not in many words as though speaking longer could gain us a hearing. After all, we pray to one who, as the Lord himself tells us, knows what we need before we ask for it.

Why he should ask us to pray, when he knows what we need before we ask him, may perplex us if we do not realize that our Lord and God does not want to know what we want for he cannot fail to know it, but wants us rather to exercise our desire through our prayers, so that we may be able to receive what he is preparing to give us. His gift is very great indeed, but our capacity is too small and limited to receive it. That is why we are told: Enlarge your desires, do not bear the yoke with unbelievers.

The deeper our faith, the stronger our hope, the greater our desire, the larger will be our capacity to receive that gift, which is very great indeed. No eye has seen it; it has no color. No ear has heard it; it has no sound. It has not entered man’s heart; man’s heart must enter into it.

In this faith, hope and love we pray always with unwearied desire. However, at set times and seasons we also pray to God in words, so that by these signs we may instruct ourselves and mark the progress we have made in our desire, and spur ourselves on to deepen it. The more fervent the desire, the more worthy will be its fruit. When the Apostle tells us: Pray without ceasing (I Thes 5:16), he means this: Desire unceasingly that life of happiness which is nothing if not eternal, and ask it of him who alone is able to give it.

Have a great week ahead, everyone. :) Be blessed.

It’s the first day of 2010, and I know I should be writing this down in my journal in the privacy of my own room, not on my blog and in front of the TV. In fact, I should have been doing this earlier, and not now, but because I chose to play a game in my iPod touch and not do this.

I’m sorry. :(

It’s been a while since I last talked to You like this, and to be honest, I am not used to it yet. It feels kind of awkward, because it’s been ages since I last prayed a personal prayer, and when I am okay. I only found myself praying when I’m feeling troubled or if things aren’t as fine and dandy as I want things to be. I have a feeling that it could have been a better year if I have learned to keep on praying despite the things that happened, if I had prayed before I did anything. But I didn’t. And now I feel like I don’t have to right to approach You.

But I’ve got to try.

I’ve waited for 2009 to end for a long time, and now that it has and 2010 is here, I really, really want to make this year better. I really, really want to make this year different, to make this year count more than 2009 did. And I know I can’t do that without You.

Thank You for this new year, Lord. Thank You, for giving me another chance, giving me this new year to have a fresh start. Thank You, Lord for 2009, even if I kept on complaining about it before. Thank You for the year that was, because of it, it has made me stronger and I guess, wiser. Thank You for sticking with me even if I didn’t. Thank You for just loving me even if I do not deserve that love at all.

Father, please be with me in 2010. I know You know that I miss my life in college terribly, because it was the time I felt most connected with You. But it’s already gone and I don’t know if I will be able to get back to the same level anymore…but that doesn’t mean You’ve changed. If I should take in any comfort this year, it’s that You never change, and You’re always there.

Lord, please help me get back to You. Help me to fall in love with You again, to see You in everything, whether good or bad. Help me to put You first above everything, to be consistent with my prayer time. Help me to keep on choosing You first, to get to know You better above all else. Help me to pray at all times, to keep my communication with you to be one of the constants in my life. Teach me to be more loving, more patient, to be a woman after Your own heart.

Dear Jesus, I lift up all my plans this year to You. I pray for Your guidance as I dream bigger this year. Reveal Your plans to me, help me to find my heart’s desires so I know I am following Your will. Please keep me open to Your grace, and remind me that You are in control and I am not. Remind me to smile when I feel like snapping, to not be ashamed of tears when I feel like crying. In all my plans, Lord, help me to keep on loving, no matter how much it hurts. Be with me every minute, every hour, every day of this year, Lord, because I can’t do this without You. I can’t.

And Lord, please make 2010 nicer to everyone of us in general. 2009 did beat us down a lot, and I know what doesn’t kill us make us stronger, but it would be nice to have a break this year. :) Please make 2010 a better year for all of us.

Thank You, Father, for listening to me, despite my inattention, despite my unworthiness. Help me to declare my love for You this year, and help me to achieve the goals I have set for this year for Your greater glory. Pour out Your grace and Your mercy, and don’t ever let me forget how much You love me.

I love You, Lord. And I hope I can spend more time with You this year. :)

Your daughter,
Tina

Almighty Father, we raise our hearts to You in gratitude for the wonders of creation of which we are part, for Your providence in sustaining us in our needs, and for Your wisdom that guides the course of the universe.

We acknowledge our sins against You and the rest of creation.

We have not been good stewards of Nature.

We have confused Your command to subdue the earth.

The environment is made to suffer our wrongdoing, and now we reap the harvest of our abuse and indifference.

Global warming is upon us. Typhoons, floods, volcanic eruption, and other natural calamities occur in increasing number and intensity.

We turn to You, our loving Father, and beg forgiveness for our sins.

We ask that we, our loved ones and our hard earned possessions be spared from the threat of calamities, natural and man-made.

We beseech You to inspire us all to grow into responsible stewards of Your creation, and generous neighbors to those in need.

Amen.

Source: inquirer.net

So how have I been?

It’s been…difficult. Not difficult that I can’t bear it type of difficult, but just difficult that I don’t really know what I’m doing. I don’t know where my spiritual life is going, I don’t know how I’m going to fix this. I’m not having a faith crisis, as far as I know…it’s just that everything feels like it’s in limbo.

You know how easy it is to fall back into the world and not remember who you are and whose you are? It’s kind of like that. I admit that I haven’t been exerting that much effort into my faith as much as I do before. I still go to mass, and I do my best to go to mass every first Wednesday and first Friday. I’ve had “God” moments too — moments that I feel enlightened, that I feel that He is talking to me. I try my best to revive my prayer time, to pray the way I used to back in college, where the first thing I hold when I woke up is my Bible. Right now…it’s just not the same.

Sometimes I’m scared that I’d get used to this thing, this limbo. I’m scared of not feeling scared of me losing this “battle”. I’m scared of the possibility of getting used to God not being near, to see Him as Someone I’ll run to when I need Him, not someone I need like the air I breathe. I don’t want that to happen. I can’t lose Him.

I still don’t know what I’m going to do, but I am taking baby steps again. It’s me being stripped of all my ideas about faith once again to start anew. Cliche as this may sound, this is a journey, and God values what happens in the journey. So…as a baby step, I finally did something about this limbo last weekend.

I went to confession. After one and a half years. :)

It’s a start, right? I’ve got a long way to go, and by God’s grace, I’ll get to where He wants me to be.

 God wants you to understand that it is a life off aith, not a life of emotional enjoyment of His blessings…Faith by its very nature must be tested and tried. And the real trial of faith is not that we find it difficult to trust God, but that God’s character must be proven as trustworthy in our own minds. (Oswald Chambers)

They tell me there’s songs reserved for angels
Would you sing me one, a stranger
Just to prove your love?
They tell me you’ve given poor men kingdoms
And handed guilty freedom
And taken on their stains
And your love will never change
Your love will never change

They tell me that you dwell with good and evil
In alleys and cathedrals
Shadows and the light
They tell me that you hold the world together
Not from guilt, but pleasure
And you somehow know my name
And your love will never change
Your love will never change

So tell me there’s nothing that you can’t do
And you’ll love me though I’ve hurt you
And that you’ll take my blame
And your love will never change
Your love will never change

Hello good morning, how you do?
What makes your rising sun so new?
I could use a fresh beginning too
All of my regrets are nothing new…
- Learning to Breathe, Switchfoot

Ah yes, another Switchfoot reference. But don’t blame me for it, I really love this song even before I got to meet them in person, and besides that isn’t the point of this entry.

A couple of months ago, I posted something about me struggling with my prayer time. It’s been almost two months since I posted that, and I feel like a “status report” is just right this time…right? I know none of you are asking, but let me write about it for a while. :)

To be really honest, I thought after writing that entry, I would be on my way to perfect prayer-dom, as in back to how I used to pray in college and before I got my new job. Of course it wasn’t like that, at all. I continued to struggle, and I continued to miss my prayertime. Sometimes I didn’t even get to pray at all. Sometimes because I was busy, sometimes because I chose to be busy instead of setting aside time. I’m not proud of it, but that’s what’s happening. And sometimes I feel like I could never go back to where I was.

I figured that one reason why I don’t pray as much was because I didn’t wake up early…but waking up early is such a chore for me now because I am not really pressured to go to work early. I only go to work early because of my brother, and when I get there, I get occupied by work that I don’t have time to pray anymore. Then I figured, maybe I need a Bible at work. I’ve been meaning to get one and that should really motivate me to pray, right? So I got one. And I admit, this new Bible improved my dismal prayertime, and I actually found time to pray when I got to work. That’s good, right?

Just last weekend, I finally forced myself (yes I admit that) to go away from my computer, open my Bible and pray. And while I was reflecting, I realized something. I don’t know what to say to God when I pray anymore. Well, there’s the usual thank you, the usual, please bless…but I realized that there were so many people who were asking me to pray for them, so many people I promised to pray for that I really…well, don’t. Well, I do think of them and pray a bit for them, but it’s not the same intercessory thing that I think I’m supposed to be doing.

I have to admit that intercession is not my strongest suit. I’m easily distracted in prayers, really, and I know I pray “better” when I’m writing it down…but sometimes writing it down can get so tiresome. Plus I tend to be distracted by lots of thoughts of other things when I get to my intercessory prayers that I end up forgetting what it is I’m praying for other people. Or sometimes…I just don’t know what to pray for at all.

For example. I made a list of things/people I should be praying for, like my family, my health, the Sydney trip for next year, the Godchicks, my clearance for my previous work, my friends, work stuff, the new laptop I’m planning to get, my old household in YFC DLSU and my SFC household, my other projects and even these guys, as in individually. And after a few days of writing them, I opened it up again today to pray…and I was speechless. Not in the good way speechless, but speechless as in I don’t know what to say. I know it’s all written in front of me, but how do I pray for these? Do I just read them out loud, or should I explain? How do I explain? What do I say? Should I even say anything even if I know God knows about this list?

Back in college, I was reading this book by Oswald Chambers, Prayer: A Holy Occupation, which says that the one thing Christians must always do is prayer, and intercessory prayer is one of the highest prayers we could do, since it’s what we are supposed to do. This book has hit my a couple of times (and maybe that’s why I stopped reading it …ergh), and I know that my heart knows what I should do…but why must it be so hard, Lord? Why must I be so distracted, so questioning, so stubborn?

So this is the way that I say I need You,
This is the way that I say I love You,
This is the way that I say I’m Yours.

Earlier before that realization, I was listening to Hillsong United’s Always, the first time I’ve listened to it again in months. It reminded me of the years in college where I did everything I can to surrender, to give this one part of my heart that I couldn’t give Him because I wanted so much to cling to it and have my way with it. Obviously, He won. Listening to that song again, made me wonder if I was actually doing what the song says, “All You are is all I want always.” Do I really want Him as much as I think I want Him? Or am I just saying that because I’m supposed to say it, because that’s how I was raised?

Hello good morning, how you’ve been?
Yesterday left my head kicked in.
I never ever thought that I would fall like that,
Never thought that I could hurt this bad.
I’m learning to breathe, I’m learning to crawl,
I’m finding that You and You alone could break my fall
I’m living again, awake and alive
I’m dying to breathe in these abundant skies.

I found all that I want, all that I longed for in You
I found all that I want, all that I longed for in You
Wasted time, is when I’m far from Your truth
I’ve found all that I want, all that I long for in You.
- Spirit, Switchfoot

Hi Lord. It’s me, Tina.

It’s been a long time since I wrote to You, and the last time I actually took the time to write on my journal was…too long ago. I remember the days where the first thing I do when I open my eyes was grab my Bible and read Your word. How long has it been? I can’t remember. Now that’s bad. I’m sorry.

Anyway, today is the day I promised myself that I would finally let go of the entire Switchfoot experience. I know no one’s stopping me from revelling in the entire thing, and I could just reminisce and talk about the entire thing all day but I want to. That doesn’t mean I’m not thankful for it — You know I am. I really, really am, and I could never ever thank You enough for blessing me with this experience: to meet a really amazing and humble group of guys who inspire me and live Your word through their music. It’s okay if I have no “proper” picture with the other band members; the experience itself is enough. I know You know that’s one of my dreams, and I thank You for bringing it to reality.

But really, I have to stop gushing about it already. Because I feel like if I keep on doing it, I’m going to lose focus on the One that matters…and it’s You. I mean, their songs wouldn’t mean much if I lose focus on the One they’re singing to, right?

So today, Lord, I shall let go. I’m happy and thankful for the experience, but now it’s time to stop thinking of what-if’s and what-might-have-been’s on their two day stay and go back to You. I thank You for blessing me with this wonderful experience and I know that I am a different person because of this, but ultimately, all of this, everything is all about You. You and You alone, Father. This is for Your glory; not the band, not ours, but Yours.

Father I also pray that may this experience bring not only me, but other people closer to You. Father, I know You know what the state of my heart is right now and I know it’s not really something I’m proud of right now, but I also know You love me anyway…and that’s enough for me. :) Thank You for this love, and I pray that other people may feel this too. :)

I pray Lord for this day; may I be an instrument of Your love to other people who need it. May the people I love and care for feel this love as well, and may You always keep them safe. Father I pray for the work we all have to face today, may we be good stewards of your gifts and blessings. Keep all of us away from evil that we may not cause pain — to others, to ourselves and most importantly, to You.

And once again, Thank You. Because without You, I wouldn’t even be here typing this prayer at all. :)

I love You! ♥

I lost a cellphone.

I’ve never lost a cellphone in my entire cellphone-bearing life (that’s approximately 8 years). I’ve never misplaced it, or got it stolen (thank God). Most of my phones just get broken. But today was different.

Seeing as I work in a telecommunications company, mobile phones are normal in our environment. I borrowed a Nokia 6111 for testing purposes since November last year, and since I borrowed it from the office, the phone was under my name. My name = my accountability.

The other day, the said phone was not charged and since I still don’t have any extra outlet in my cubicle, I had it plugged in my officemate’s extension which is what I usually do. I had a series of meetings in the morning and when I went back, my officemate was out and the phone was exposed, so I hid it in between his pedestal cabinet and his desk. It was our usual doing, really, so I had no qualms about hiding it there.

Unfortunately, that charging phone slipped out of my mind until yesterday morning, and when I looked at my officemate’s desk, the charger wasn’t there anymore. I assumed he must have kept it in his drawer to keep it safe. When he got there, I asked him about it and he said he didn’t remember it. Maybe he just forgot it, but it wasn’t in his cabinet.

Uh-oh.

I checked with the guard, with the people around and then the scary conclusion: it’s lost. :(

I was scared because I knew I was going to have to pay for that missing unit (and charger!), and it’s just hard to accept that. I was angry, worried, distressed and more angry at the person who took the phone from where it was. My officemates offered some theories on who could’ve took it, while I was angry at myself for being so irresponsible. Even if it’s not my fault that someone would take advantage of the phone, If I hadn’t forgotten about it then it would not have been stolen. :(

Losing the phone yesterday reminded me that there was a patron saint for lost objects. I remember back before my trip to Cebu in 2001, I was panicking because I thought I lost my original *NSYNC No Strings Attached CD (go ahead, laugh :p) and I found myself praying to St. Jude who I thought was the patron saint of lost objects ((He’s actually the patron saint of hopeless cases)) but it is actually St. Anthony of Padua. Yes, I found the CD that time, but anyway, yesterday I found St. Anthony’s prayer while I looked for the phone.

I admit that I don’t really ask saints for intercession as much as my mom does, but I believe that they can intercede for our prayers. It’s just not in the habit. The events yesterday made me pray a saint’s prayer again, but I was sort of wary to myself because I felt like I was being insincere. I mean, I’ve never asked them to pray for me before, and it feels too impersonal to ask them this time.

That night, I heard mass because it was first Wednesday, and I found another prayer forming in my heart: that I may be able to forgive the person who took the phone. Maybe he really needs it, and even if it doesn’t justify the act, in the end, I must forgive him to set myself free from the anger. So I asked for the strength to forgive him and the resources to pay for the phone, which I know He will provide.

And then the commentator gave the announcements for the EDSA Shrine and introduced the choir. The choir’s name? San Antonio de Padua.

I had to smile at that. Lord, was that an affirmation? I think so. :) I wondered briefly if the phone would magically come back, but as of now, it hasn’t but I will not lose hope that it might come back after some time. Or that God would help me find a cheap phone replacement for it. Either way, God affirmed me last night that He is still taking care of me, and that this loss is also a part of His plan.

I’m okay! But I do get bummed about it sometimes, but I will just continue trusting Him (and yes, I falter a lot of times) and praying this prayer so St. Anthony of Padua would intercede for me. To everyone else: be careful of your things, okay?

Dear Saint Anthony, you are the patron of the poor and the helper of all who seek lost articles. Help me to find the object I have lost so that I will be able to make better use of the time I will gain for God’s greater honor and glory. Grant your gracious aid to all people who seek what they have lost – especially those who seek to regain God’s grace. Amen.

God’s day everyone!

Hearing about the Virginia Tech Massacre reminded me of Columbine, and reading about what happened, seeing news about it brings tears to my eyes. There are many possible reasons why this happened; people could debate over the killer’s background, his attitudes and whatnot, but I think — and I know some of you might not agree with me — that the reason this happened is a God thing. Or lack of it. Not that God wasn’t there or He let this happen because He wasn’t looking or because He wants to punish people because no one is noticing Him, so He took the side of the killer in this event…rather, it was the lack of actually living out God’s love.

I am not saying this to judge anyone, and nor to blame anyone that “They should have done this,” so and so. The killer may have been really mentally ill, really angry, or maybe, he just “lost the last of his light.” Let me once again quote a Joan of Arcadia quote I posted before, which was also an episode about an “almost” school shooting:

Observation is a more powerful force than you could possibly reckon: the invisible, the overlooked, and the unobserved are those that are most in danger of reaching the end of the spectrum. They lose the last of their light. From there, anything can happen.

News says he was a loner, that he had no friends. I don’t know why and maybe he chose to be that way. Maybe people did try to reach out to him, but he didn’t respond to their warmth. Maybe he pushed them away, or maybe people didn’t really care about this one person. It could be anything. The thing is, he lost his light, and true enough, something happened.

Like I said, I’m not pointing fingers at anyone; I just got thinking. We don’t know why this happened, and we certainly don’t know why God let this happen. I know it’s not easy, and I know I will never be able to comprehend how much it must hurt for all the people who lost their loved ones in this massacre. I know most people are now asking why. In the same way, last weekend, I faced an accident of someone I am not close to but I am sort of assigned to “take care of”. And in that moment, I found myself crying and asking Him why He let that happen right after the ILC. Why then, why to him, why me? Why can’t it be when I am not there? A friend told me not to ask why, because I will never get the answer until I get there to where God is, but to ask what. What can I do now? What can we do now, after all these happened?

Pray is one thing. We can pray for all the people who suffer loss, and also for all the lives affected by this. We can pray for the schools, we can pray for whoever else may be losing their light. But let’s take it one step further: let’s try to see those who are in the farther end of the spectrum. Let’s see people who feel unseen. Let’s not just say hi to them in passing, but actually talk to them. Listen to them. Befriend them. They don’t have to be a part of your group, you don’t have to hang out with them 24/7, but be a friend. Show you care. And most of all, love. In those simple gestures, by just being “present” in other’s live, we will not only alter the life of that person we befriend, but also the lives of many others who may be affected once this person loses his light.

Refine Me will be joining the One Day Blog Silence on April 30, 2007, as a tribute the victims of this tragedy.

Father, we will never know why all these happened until we join You, but I ask for Your grace to be poured upon all the grieving hearts — to all family members, relatives and friends who lost their loved ones in this tragedy. Comfort them in this difficult time, Lord. Carry them in Your arms, keep them close to You. Still their hearts and souls Lord God, that they may see You in the midst of all the pain and trust that You know. May You give us the strength to notice the people at the end of the spectrum, that we may be able to truly reach out to them that they may feel loved and see You in us. Amen.

I found this entry while blog-hopping and it’s very interesting: Just Like Me by The Centuri0n. Let me quote this striking line:

We don’t want to admit it, but the truth is this: we are really like this disturbed kid who shot up his college campus in type, even if it is not in degree.

Read the rest of the entry here.