day nineteen.

I was never the one who goes out on gimmicks during Friday nights or weekends. I’d prefer to watch a movie, stay home and read, work or hang out with good friends over dinner and coffee.

So last Thursday, I sent an impromptu invitation to my friends, and out of all of them, only Pauleen made it to Eastwood. Makes sense, since she’s the only one among us who has a car. Anyway, the night turned out to be girl bonding night, at least until Chris arrived at Eastwood and then we had to go home. And it was a good thing, too, because Pauleen needed to talk, and I needed to talk, and we shed some tears, laughed, talked about life, girly things like acne cleansers,  love and losing love and marveled at God’s grace.

It was a perfect Friday night, in my opinion.

So one of our conversations last night involved…well, being sad. Last Saturday, we (together with other friends) were talking about letting go and moving on and all that, especially from failed relationships. I have no experience in that area, as I’ve never been in a relationship, but I’ve had my share of being in situations of having to let go of something…or someone, even. It’s always hard letting go of something or someone. There’s the what if’s, there’s the uncertainty of not knowing what will happen after. But letting go of things is always necessary, even if it’s hard or heartbreaking. If we never learned how to let go, we will never be able to grow.

In doing these things, it’s inevitable that we get sad or lonely. It’s hard, and it feels like an endless thing, and we don’t know when it will end. People say one day you’ll just wake up and you’ll realize you’re okay…but sometimes it feels like you will never be okay. Sometimes it feels like the only way for you to be happy is to hold on tightly…but what if that is no longer an option?

I’m sure it’s different for people, but one thing I learned last year that helped me a lot when I went through this bout of loneliness was to wallow. I used to hate wallowing because I thought it was pathetic. Plus, I thought I did not have the right to wallow because nothing happened anyway, I was just sad because of what I did, and what did not happen. It’s not like someone broke up with me — other people have more right to grieve and be sad.

I think I was reading Eat, Pray, Love then, and there was this part that hit me:

“When I get lonely these days, I think: So be lonely, Liz. Learn your way around loneliness. Make a map of it. Sit with it, for once in your life. Welcome to the human experience.

In short, wallowing. We need to wallow.

I don’t know if it applies to all people, but I knew that wallowing really helped me. It helped me get in touch with my emotions, which I realize is essential if you want to move on. I allowed myself all kinds of indulgences, all kinds of music, all kinds of food for that wallow period, and once I was done, I picked myself up and tried to move on. When something happens, I allow myself to wallow again and then move on. Before I knew it, my heart had healed, and I had moved on.

I know I make it sound easy, and I know it’s not. It’s hard, but it’s doable. So if you’re going through something difficult, if your heart is broken, allow yourself to wallow. Allow yourself to feel your sadness. Cry. Listen to sad songs, rant to friends, watch movies you can relate to, rant to friends…be sad. Feel it, because when you feel it, you eventually get tired of it. Seriously. I allowed myself a one week wallowing period, and by the third day, I was tired of wallowing.

After wallowing, pick yourself up and move on. If you fall, if something happens unexpectedly, allow yourself a short term wallowing, then pick yourself up and go on with life again. Along the way, forgive yourself, forgive the other person. Hang out with friends and family. Do other things. Pray. One day, you will just wake up, or you cross paths with the other person and you’ll realize…you’re really and truly okay. :)

It’s not easy, but in time, you’ll be okay. :)

If anyone needs a wallow partner, I just found out that I’m extremely good at it. :P