Also known as: How I am not a person who asks questions

I’d like to think I’m a pretty friendly person. I’d like to believe that it’s very easy for me to make friends (keeping friends is another issue for another post). I can manage pretty well in a crowd and go home with new people to talk to, as long as I keep my mind open and I am willing to meet and socialize with new people.

However, there are times when I know and prove that I am not as friendly as I thought I am. My talkative nature may fool you, but really, I think I kind of suck at making friends with some people, especially shy ones. Or people who I don’t share the same language with.

I think I figured out why that is so last weekend.

I don’t ask questions.

One of my closest high school friends admits herself to be quite shy, but I find that she has managed to keep most, if not all, of our high school friends. I kind of suck with keeping in touch, so putting me in the same room with my old high school batch mates without the ones I consider very close to me now and I’ll be uncomfortable, especially if they all have their own groups. My friend, on the other hand, can probably stay there and talk to them and go out with them again sometime after that.

Last weekend, we had “new blood” in our group, and while I find myself still able to talk to him,I wasn’t able to talk to him for a long time because I don’t know what to ask. I mean, I could probably dig up stuff to ask, but I feel like our conversation would probably be littered with awkward silences as I try my best to be accommodating and entertaining and all that.

It’s kind of a weird realization to know that despite my being talkative, I don’t really ask questions. I think it’s because I’m not confrontational. I don’t really ask stuff — I tend to digest things first before asking anything. Call it a defense mechanism, or maybe even masochism. Masochism in the sense that in school, I’d rather find things out for myself than ask. I’d exhaust all possible resources before getting the nerve to ask a question. I’m also not the one who will snap at a waiter or waitress in a restaurant if their service is crappy (except maybe if I’m in a really, really bad mood), and more often than not, I sound nice when I’m annoyed.

I think that carries over with my conversation skills. Sure, I have no problem talking, but it’s kind of hard for me to keep the questions going and going. I often get along with people who are almost as talkative as I am, or at least, someone who asks the questions and we both answer the questions. But for other people, I tend to falter. I am interested in knowing the other person, it’s just that I’m not in the habit of asking questions.

I guess this goes to show I’m not really a curious person? Or, in Nat Geo’s terms, I don’t live curious?

Well that’s something I should work on. Especially if I plan to attend World Youth Day this year — I’m going to need to be more curious, right?

Does this mean I’m going to have to pick up those conversation starter books? Or maybe I should just learn to pay better attention to other people?


Also known as: Where I try to make sense of the things that made me grumpy today

I thought I’d repost a part of something I posted a couple of years ago on being spontaneous, in the light of the things that happened today:

I’ve never been a spontaneous person. I’d like to be spontaneous, to do things at the spur of the moment without thinking of how to do it or what the consequences would be, but it’s just not in my personality. I admire spontaneous people, and when I join in their spontaneity, I like it. But, as boring as this may sound, I like order. I like it when things go as planned, or at least somewhat close to it, even with little surprises along the way. I’m obsessive compulsive in that way — I like making to-do lists, I like having a scheduled time to do things, I like having even a general game plan. In short (and I have mentioned this before), I’m a control freak.

I know it sounds like I’m too stiff and boring, and probably most of you would say, “Chill, Tina!” It’s not that I totally get pissed off when there are changes in plans or things don’t go my way. Yes, I don’t like it, but I do know how to adjust. But I do have a limit, as with everyone. Don’t you just hate it when that happens?

It’s times like these that I wonder if I’m really high maintenance even if I claim I’m not. There were too many plans that changed or attempted to be changed today that I normally wouldn’t mind and will find a way to work things out. I mean, I think I’ve grown up from the last time I posted that entry, anyway. I can roll with things now. However, some things just kind of rubbed me the wrong way…and well, mood went south. Rants included.

I feel like such a mean friend when that happens. Like I’m such a spoiled brat. It’s just that sometimes things happen all at the same time and you feel like everyone’s out to get you. Like they’re doing it on purpose just to annoy you. You know?

Ah, how conceited this Tina could be. The world does not revolve around you. Get over yourself.

I know I told myself that I wouldn’t use this blog to rant, but I remember that I also promised myself that I will be brutally honest — well, as brutally honest as I can online. And so here’s a step towards that. It’s moments like this that I remember that I am human and I am vulnerable to these emotions but that doesn’t make me less of a person, right?

I promise to return with a slightly more positive, less ranty post. For tonight. please just excuse me.