Keep walking

I started walking down this road again, just recently. I mean that literally, as in walking down an actual road that exists in one of the cities I frequent. I avoided it in for a while because I had to let go of one of the reasons to go there, and well…frankly, it just felt weird and painful to go there again. I picked alternate routes for a while, until I had a long talk with a friend and she told me:  “You should start walking down that road again. It’s just a road, you know.

Image from we heart it
Image from we heart it

So I decided to start passing by there again. It is just a road, after all. Plus, avoiding it meant I had to spend a little more when I head home after a visit to that city, so convenience and practicality won me over.

The first time I was there I was with some friends, so it wasn’t that bad. The second time, I was alone but it was a holiday so it wasn’t too bad, either. The third time, however, I was so nervous that I speed-walked all the way, and I got so stressed as I got home because I walked in almost panic. Crazy.

What’s the big deal about this? Sometimes I wonder if I am doing the right thing with all that, with making that first choice to avoid, and then changing my mind and going back. It’s just a place. But I’m the kind of person who put too much importance on things like these sometimes, like how I put importance on a type of scent because it reminds me of a trip, or a certain scrap of paper because it came with a gift. I’m sentimental like that. Other people think it’s weird, I know, and I’m pretty sure they’d think I should purge or something, because why am I being such a masochist, anyway?

But the thing is…well, I don’t know, really. I guess this is still me wanting to be brave, to say to the little things and circumstances: No, you will not defeat me. I will not fear you. So I plow on, and walk, because how else can you go down that road if you don’t walk?

And I actually like walking. It can get a bit tiring, but I get something every time I walk. Endorphins, what have you. So…I keep on walking.

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Tiny Victories

I’ve had several drafts of my first post in April, but I always ended up trashing them because they don’t feel right. Granted, I was also very, very busy for the past few days that I could barely breathe. That, and I was caught in quite a cranky mood and I didn’t feel like posting when I’m in that mood.

Now that I have actually found a little bit of a breather, I find that I am actually incoherent. Then again, I have been writing all day for a work article, so quite frankly, my mental capacity is quite drained. I’m going to try, anyway. With lists, because lists are fun and easy.

But first:

Image from we heart it
Image from we heart it
  • My March ended with quite a bang, though, and it was mostly because of Holy Week and Easter and watching Jars of Clay again after eight years. It felt like the most awesome late birthday gift (among all the other gifts I received), especially since they sang most of my favorites: Tea and Sympathy, Five Candles, and Worlds Apart. It wasn’t a huge party concert that I was expecting, but I really liked the intimate atmosphere of the concert, and the company I had that night. Jars of Clay will always be in my heart. ♥
  • It feels a bit weird going back to my social media profiles now that it’s Easter. I try to not tweet too many nonsense stuff now, but I still often do when I’m bored and all. Not that it’s bad, but it feels like I turn to it when I’m bored, and it eats up a lot of my time when I could be doing something else. Something productive, or at least, would bless other people. So…I’m trying to not be too attached to Twitter. There is more to life than social media, yes?
  • I was cranky this week for several reasons, and it was kind of funny how I finally snapped out of the crankiness. I ranted about this for a while on Twitter, but I didn’t really want to offer any other information — in my attempt to enter the silence and all that. I figure it was the kind of crankiness that I just need to ride out, and you know, wait. The thing was, I had no idea how long I’d be waiting, how long I’d ride it out. Trust me, I wanted to complain so many times. And then…
  • …you know I still feel a little ashamed at how I snapped out of this crankiness. I won’t divulge details anymore, but I find it quite…juvenile And yet, it was interesting. I can’t remember where I heard it or read it, but someone said/wrote that happy people are shallow people. I don’t mean that in a bad way, but you know, happy people see happiness everywhere, and just choose to be happy. I wrote about happiness is a choice here before, and I admit that it’s still hard to really live that because I get so scared of the after. But…didn’t I wish for happiness for my birthday? Or I mean, didn’t I wish for joy? So…I’m going to choose to be joyful.
  • And speaking of waiting…after something happened, the only thing I can think of was: Lord, I know You have a lesson here somewhere. I’m not quite sure yet, but it almost feels like I am back to square one, but also not quite. I can’t quite explain it, and maybe I am not supposed to explain it just yet. I am quite thankful that I waited, though…because that something was so surprising that I can’t help but feel that God is telling me “Aren’t you glad you waited?” Yes, I am, Lord. Yes, I am.1
  • Enough cryptic stuff. This week is the 20th anniversary of my youth community. I came from a reunion of all YFC alumni last night and saw so many familiar faces and felt so nostalgic that I can’t help but reminisce about my years as a Youth for Christ member. I remember my post two years ago about community, and how I miss it and I’m just amazed at how everything has panned out. I won’t be the same person that I am now if I never became a YFC member, just as how I won’t be the same person I am now if I didn’t stay away for a long time and came back again. Thank You, Lord, for the blessing that is CFC Youth for Christ, and CFC Singles for Christ, too. Thank You, Lord, for giving me this home. ♥
  • I’m going to the beach tomorrow with some people at work to surf. Yes, surf. I have no idea how I’ll do, if I will love it, or if I will get wiped out n times…but I am looking forward to it. Here’s to trying new things. (Yes, I promise to try and blog about it.)

Easter is all about victories, and I realized during Easter Sunday mass that even small victories are worth celebrating. After all, Easter didn’t come with too much grandeur. We just know it’s a big thing because hey, Jesus is risen, but it didn’t need all too many flashy stuff to raise its significance. It was a quiet and solemn, and it reminded me that the little things are the ones that really count and are the most beautiful things. So it also follows that small victories would lead to big victories, right? Just like Easter.

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  1. And did you count how many times I wrote “quite” in this paragraph? :P []

Marchin’ On

I’m only really supposed to have one post here every week (have you noticed?), but I’m making an excuse this week, just because.

Thanks, February, for being so awesome. February 2013 may just have been the best February I’ve had so far, and I am not kidding about that at all. So just like how I thanked January, here I am thanking February, too.

And now…

Hello, favorite month. :)

Image from we heart it
Image from we heart it

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