It’s the first day of 2010, and I know I should be writing this down in my journal in the privacy of my own room, not on my blog and in front of the TV. In fact, I should have been doing this earlier, and not now, but because I chose to play a game in my iPod touch and not do this.
I’m sorry. :(
It’s been a while since I last talked to You like this, and to be honest, I am not used to it yet. It feels kind of awkward, because it’s been ages since I last prayed a personal prayer, and when I am okay. I only found myself praying when I’m feeling troubled or if things aren’t as fine and dandy as I want things to be. I have a feeling that it could have been a better year if I have learned to keep on praying despite the things that happened, if I had prayed before I did anything. But I didn’t. And now I feel like I don’t have to right to approach You.
But I’ve got to try.
I’ve waited for 2009 to end for a long time, and now that it has and 2010 is here, I really, really want to make this year better. I really, really want to make this year different, to make this year count more than 2009 did. And I know I can’t do that without You.
Thank You for this new year, Lord. Thank You, for giving me another chance, giving me this new year to have a fresh start. Thank You, Lord for 2009, even if I kept on complaining about it before. Thank You for the year that was, because of it, it has made me stronger and I guess, wiser. Thank You for sticking with me even if I didn’t. Thank You for just loving me even if I do not deserve that love at all.
Father, please be with me in 2010. I know You know that I miss my life in college terribly, because it was the time I felt most connected with You. But it’s already gone and I don’t know if I will be able to get back to the same level anymore…but that doesn’t mean You’ve changed. If I should take in any comfort this year, it’s that You never change, and You’re always there.
Lord, please help me get back to You. Help me to fall in love with You again, to see You in everything, whether good or bad. Help me to put You first above everything, to be consistent with my prayer time. Help me to keep on choosing You first, to get to know You better above all else. Help me to pray at all times, to keep my communication with you to be one of the constants in my life. Teach me to be more loving, more patient, to be a woman after Your own heart.
Dear Jesus, I lift up all my plans this year to You. I pray for Your guidance as I dream bigger this year. Reveal Your plans to me, help me to find my heart’s desires so I know I am following Your will. Please keep me open to Your grace, and remind me that You are in control and I am not. Remind me to smile when I feel like snapping, to not be ashamed of tears when I feel like crying. In all my plans, Lord, help me to keep on loving, no matter how much it hurts. Be with me every minute, every hour, every day of this year, Lord, because I can’t do this without You. I can’t.
And Lord, please make 2010 nicer to everyone of us in general. 2009 did beat us down a lot, and I know what doesn’t kill us make us stronger, but it would be nice to have a break this year. :) Please make 2010 a better year for all of us.
Thank You, Father, for listening to me, despite my inattention, despite my unworthiness. Help me to declare my love for You this year, and help me to achieve the goals I have set for this year for Your greater glory. Pour out Your grace and Your mercy, and don’t ever let me forget how much You love me.
I love You, Lord. And I hope I can spend more time with You this year. :)