Before anything else, I finally uploaded my online portfolio. Do check it out, especially if you have jobs for me. Haha. :D
After two weeks of inactivity with my job hunting, I’m back to doing it again. After the call I was waiting for didn’t come, I fell in some sort of sad mode. Not depression mode exactly; it’s like when you’re waiting for something to come but it was delayed and you don’t know what to do. Ah, disappointment, that’s the term. Plus there were other things that occupied my mind the past weeks that I fell into some sort of limbo. I wanted to have a job, but I’m afraid to be rejected. I’m sure a lot of people went through this, and I guess this is my time.
Last week, after uploading this layout, I was working on my online portfolio. At the same time, I was tying up the phone line at home with the Internet because I was afraid of whatever calls that might come for me. I know I have a phone call phobia, but it was never with incoming calls. It’s just that…I was afraid of getting job offers from companies I don’t want to apply to and then tell them that I’m not interested…or get job offers and actually go to the interviews but end up not wanting the job anyway. I’m also afraid of explaining to my mom why I don’t want the job…because I don’t want to sound picky, even if I actually am being picky.
Let me ask again…it’s okay for me to be picky, right? About the job I want. About the career path I’m choosing to take. Because this is my future we’re talking about. But what if because I’m too picky, I miss out on the job that I might end up wanting afterwards? To be honest, I’m not even after the salary…I just don’t want a job that might make me end up regretting I chose it. I don’t want a job that I don’t like. I don’t want to get a job for the sake of getting a job. I want to land a job because that’s the job I want. Something I would enjoy.
I’m stressing over this again because I feel like I’m disappointing the people around me because I have no job yet. It’s been almost two months since graduation and four months since school ended…and I’m still stuck at home. Our freelance project is done, and my initial plan was to have a job right after that…but I’m the only one left who has no job yet. I’m feeling pressured because there’s this voice inside me that’s telling me to get a job now because everyone else is already has one and there’s the next graduating batch and I’ll be out of the running once they’re done with school…there’s also another voice telling me that I’m such a disappointment because I’m not doing what I’m supposed to be doing.
I’m sorry, I’m just ranting out. I believe that God will bring me to the right job…and right now I’m just confused and impatient as to where He really wants me to be. This is one of those times when I can’t really hear Him as clearly as I usually do, and it’s plaguing me so much right now that I’m beginning to feel hopeless about my situation. *grumble* This too shall pass.