I’m supposed to be writing some articles for this freelance gigs, but nooo, I’m obviously not. I have my sources ready, and the document templates, but I am not doing a thing. Argh. I still have two websites to set up which is supposed to be up today, but no, I’m not doing anything either. Argh. How’s that for starting the year right? Hay.
But that assignment is due Saturday so I still have time…right? I have twelve articles due on Saturday and I finished one (but it is very crappy), so that leaves me with…11 more to go for the next two days. Great.
Okay, I shall stop the sarcasm now and I will focus on something more serious.
New Year’s Eve, my high school classmate’s dad passed away. It was a very sad thing to happen at such time, I know, and silly old me, I only texted her a day after. I didn’t know if I should greet her a happy new year still. Last night, some friends and I went to the wake to pay our respects and as expected, we saw other high school batchmates there as well. After praying a bit at the coffin, we gathered outside to stay for a while and talk about how we were, and about other people in the batch.
Ah, high school.
I used to have an entry about my relationship with my high school batchmates, but I lost that database so I guess I should share it again. To those who don’t know, I don’t have many tight high school friends. Given that we’re such a small high school, it’s kind of obvious, and there’s also the fact that high school wasn’t really the best time of my life (but I loved college). I’m not that of a “social outcast” back in high school, although I had kind of a lot of friendship issues, but I did have a lot of people to hang out with back then. In fact, I had a different group of friends every year. But that was it — I only hung out with them. After graduation, we all kind of drifted apart, except for the few ones I am really close with; most of them are from way back elementary.
To quote myself on a previous entry:
I realized then again that I wasnâ€™t exactly the most liked person during high school. I know for a fact that a lot of people in my batch didnâ€™t really like me then, and I was puzzled why they didnâ€™t. It was only recently I realized what I was doing wrong. See, I was known as the YFC girl back then â€” the â€œgoodâ€ person who knows how to â€œprayâ€. I talk about God and YFC (more on the latter, actually) a lot, and I know everyone knows that. The thing I forgot back then is thatâ€¦Iâ€™m also human. I realized that I made people feel that they werenâ€™t good enough back then. I was too self-righteous; instead of making people feel that God loves them, I made them feel otherwise. In fact, I was too focused on being a YFC that I totally abandoned them. Or at least, was ready to abandon them once YFC calls. I was even considering having my 16th birthday a YFC-only party. You know that? And itâ€™s wrong. Of course itâ€™s wrong. Jesus never got to people by excluding them but by including them. I wasnâ€™t humble enough to reach out to the people back in high school; I was too busy being â€œhigh and mightyâ€ to be loving.
I remember complaining about not having a constant barkada who I have been friends with for the longest time and can call anyday, anytime, who I will grow old with and reminisce the old years with. While I do have a lot of friends now who I can sort of do that to, I still wonder about the bond that formed on people who have been friends since God-knows-when.
Agh. Am I making sense? I know I’m blessed with people who care for me and love me, like the Godchicks, and the teammates, and old YFC friends and the small group of people in high school…but I can’t help but wonder what I missed out on this.
I guess…it’s also my fault because I suck so much at keeping in touch, especially with the people with the people I care for. I know it’s weird, but I just tend to stop talking to the people I used to be with 24/7. Some people stay, some people move on. And that’s life.
What a sad thing to think about. :(
A little while earlier, I was browsing through some Friendster profiles of friends in college…and I saw a lot of things and updates that if that happened during college, I would’ve been one of the first to know about it. But now I only get to know it through Friendster. And I feel like I have no right to ask how that happened because I hardly talk to the person anymore. Then I saw their photos with their old time friends and I feel…distant. And envious. *sigh*
Hay. I guess this is a part of a lesson for me to put a little more effort in my relationships with other people. Give a little more effort to connect. Just about time, yes?