Fragile Things

And just like that, the three-day weekend is ending.

Let me just sigh and be sad about that.

Lately, I’ve been feeling a lot like this box here (photo credit from sxc.hu, by the way). See those signs there? I feel like that…except maybe for overnight. I feel rushed. I feel fragile. I should be handled with care. I don’t know why, and I’d really like to just keep on blaming my hormones for all these melancholy, but…sometimes that just has to stop. I can’t keep on doing that.

But lately I’ve been thinking. It’s the second half of the year. What have I accomplished? What are the things I can cross out from my 2010 Declarations? What goals am I only focusing on? What are the things that I really need to look at?

I guess this can be something like quarter-life crisis, yet again. This time last year, I’m having the same problem. This time last year, I wonder what I’m doing and where I am heading. I’d like to believe I know more this year. I’d like to believe that I have a clearer grasp on life now as compared to last year. But sometimes I think I know less, and I am flailing more. I don’t know where I’m going and it’s scary, and I feel like I’m wasting my time.

Ever felt that way?

I keep on working, but what am I working for? I do things, but do I do it because I love it? What’s going to happen to me in a few months, in the next year? Will I ever have enough confidence to drive? Will I be financially stable sometime? Will I be able to handle graduate school and work? Will I ever fall in love? (Yes, I just have to ask that)

Yes, I’m sort of panicking.

If only those were easy to answer. I don’t know, really. I can only see what’s directly in front of me, and maybe that’s the right thing. Maybe I’m not supposed to know. Maybe all this panicky feeling is here because I’m supposed to trust.

Yes, trust. Trust the One who knows better. Trust in Him who loves me and has my best interests at heart.

Sometimes I wish all I worry about are the shallow things like homework and hand dryers and stuff. But where’s the fun in that?

Hay. Growing up, you are hard. But I will get through this. By God’s grace, I will.

But seriously, I need something to look forward to. Even just for a while?

Anyway. Enough rambling. Back to the real world tomorrow later! I start my new shift later (this is why I’m still up), and I have a call with some clients…so prayers would be appreciated. :)