Last February, I went through some events that made me realize one thing (out of the many): in order for me to do something really worthwhile, to be able to reach my dreams, I have to make hard decisions. As what Ginger Foutley said in The Wedding Frame: Nothing worth having ever comes easy. True, right?
Yesterday (and the past few days), these thoughts hit me again. Hard. And I never thought this would be so hard to do, to think that I’ve been wanting to do it for the past months.
You see, yesterday, I resigned from my job.
To anyone who has talked to me about this for the past weeks, this wouldn’t be a shock to you. But to the others, let me backtrack a little.
I have a love-hate relationship with my work. Or you could make it hate-love, since I sometimes feel that I hate it more than I love it. Oh, it did have some shining moments, and I know I work with a really crazy bunch of people who I have learned to (somewhat) love for the past 9 1/2 months. In fact, a few people came on board just the past weeks, and I have a new set of friends there who constantly bug me at my cube and eat lunch with. Plus my teammate finally arrived so we’re a complete team.
But I guess my heart is just not what in I am doing. Yes, I get to do my tasks okay, but I always wished I could do something else. Something that I liked doing, something that won’t make me wish that the week is over during Mondays. Oh, and yes, something that definitely pays better (although my salary is just enough, sometimes it just doesn’t cut it) and has less work hours (don’t ask).
Given those circumstances, I never thought I’d have a hard time giving my resignation yesterday. I always thought I’d have a grand time resigning, and me having to stifle a tendency to gloat and sing and dance there to say, “Good bye and good riddance!” I always thought I’d feel relieved and not a bit sad because finally, I’ll be able to get out of there and finally do something I love.
But no, yesterday, when I passed my resignation letter to my boss, I felt like crying. I almost didn’t want to go through with it, because I feel like I was throwing everything out of order. I mean, just three weeks ago, my teammate arrived and we just did a new division of work. Finally things are getting in order, and then I go and leave.
I know, these things are normal in the corporate world. It just feels weird to be on the other side of the fence, to be the one resigning and seeing how the people react around you about your resignation. And I guess it’s because I hate being the one to cause an unpleasant surprise, to be the one who causes other people’s plans to broken and to be a disappointment. I know I am not a disappointment, but I know I did disappoint people for doing this, and for the short notice. ((FYI, the policy at work is the 30-days notice of resignation. I’m giving them 5. See how abrupt this was?))
Don’t get me wrong. I am definitely excited for my new job. I just can’t help but feel sentimental about this. I never thought I would be, so I’m not ready for these emotions. I can definitely agree with what The Fray sang: Sometimes the hardest thing and the right thing are the same. So true. I may not have lasted for a year at work, but I think it’s time for me to move on and fulfill my dreams, or at least some of it. :) It’s hard, but everyone will get to this and it just so happened I’m first among these group of people I hang out with at work. I guess I’ll just have to get used to this happening.
I’ve got one week left at work, and I bet this week is going to be CRAZY, with all of the clearances and work requirements I have to fix. Let the games begin, shall we?Â Enough drama for now, I’ll do the sentimental stuff at the end of the week. :)
This is the Great Adventure! Thank You. :)