Nerves.

I was just scheduled for a job interview on Friday morning. And I’m scared.

Just the other day I was thinking of how my life is going to be in the future. I have to admit that I am seriously starting to enjoy staying at home and being with my family and being available to help anyone to needs help. Being free to visit DLSU and attend some prayer meetings, and all that. I’m not minding being a “bum” anymore, at least for now. Besides I still have some freelance work to finish, and I’m quite content with this.

Plus the fact that I feel like I’m looking for a job just because I want to say that I have a job and I’m earning a living and all that…I asked myself: why are you searching that way? Shouldn’t you be searching and aiming for the thing that you want to do for the rest of your life? And so I decided to do just so…because life’s too short for me to not start doing something I want to do for my life (and when I say what I want to do, I really mean what God wants me to do in my life — I believe that God’s will is indeed the deepest desires of my heart).

And then I get this call…and I’m all bothered again. I have to admit that having a job is a lovely idea, and at least I get to do something…but what if this job is not what I want to do for my life? To be honest, I have no idea with what the job being offered to me is. And I’m doing this because…well, the HR person who’s contacting us sounds really nice, and it’s kind of hard to say no to her. Okay, let’s not forget the experience of being interviewed and all is there too.

Argh. I feel really shaken because of this. I’ve already said yes, and I guess I’ll be going, but I’m just afraid. With the interview and the entire idea of actually having a job already. If I get accepted here, I might start working by August because I put that in my application (unless they say otherwise). And August is what, next week already? I’m not ready!!! Well, not yet.

BUT…who says I’m accepted already? I think I’m afraid because I’m basing it on the thoughts that I will get this job. And I haven’t yet. I’m thinking of the future all over again; I really should stop that. ONE DAY AT A TIME, TINA!

Whew. I just needed to rant that out. Back to freelance work. I’ll think of this AFTER I finish this module.