I was thinking, over thinking
Cause there’s just many scenarios
To analyze, look in my eyes
Cause your my dream please come true.
Overthinking, Relient K

There’s no denying this fact — I overthink. Don’t we all? One of the things that feel so depressing to think of and realize is that when you realize that you really don’t know what you want. Or, when you think you know what you want, but when you get there or when you’re almost there, you wonder if that is what you really want.

Hmm. Yes, I’m overthinking again.

Let’s go back to comfort zones. Physical comfort zones are easy to see and figure out, but emotional, spiritual and mental comfort zones are definitely harder to point out. And sometimes most of the times I wonder if what I think are my comfort zones are really my comfort zone. Did that make sense? Like, I tell myself where I am is where I am comfortable with, but then something suddenly comes and it makes me think twice about declaring my situation as my comfort zone. Get?

So what happens when you run out of your comfort zone and then your new “zone” becomes comfortable — that’s the new comfort zone, right? But then, another question: how does one define comfort? Do you consider a particular situation a comfort zone even if you keep on complaining about that situation? Even if you don’t like it, can it still be a comfort zone? Is it a comfort zone if it becomes a habit?

I’m right in the middle of something that I seemingly can’t get out of. Well, I can, but taking that particular route is the loser’s route, the quitter’s route. I’ve been wanting out, and when a possible opportunity presents itself (to which I don’t know the results of — yet), I suddenly wonder if that’s what I really want. Moreover, I suddenly feel okay about where I am. Like I do not want out anymore, that people suddenly seem nicer, that the situation seems acceptable now, and that I feel like: “This is okay, I’m okay here, I think I can finally learn to like it.”

But then I wonder if that “okay” moment is just that – a moment. Like maybe after a while, I’ll want out again. Even more than I wanted before. And that I’d forever regret if I ever reject the possible opportunity that might come my way. You know?

Like I said, I overthink.

So now I’m trying to figure out what I’m really feeling. I’m not disappointed; maybe I’m just a bit dazed at what I went through today. It’s an old experience made new again, which more or less shocked my dormant brain. :P But that’s good, right? It means I’m learning, and the very idea of discomfort must mean I’m getting out of my comfort zone, right? Right?

Affirm me, please. Anything?

And if I may ask so humbly…can I please not get any calls about this for the rest of this week? Can we hold it off until next week? I don’t want to be burdened with thinking about these things, on the next steps I would take, on the big decisions I might and must make soon. A break please? Can I turn off my brain for a while so I won’t have to think? Please, even just after the beach trip? Please? No heavy decisions, no big changes, just for this week. I don’t think my heart can handle it yet.

And yes, Tina, “turning your brain off” includes not reading things about what you did today, even if you classify that as “research.”

Chill. Live for today. Let Him take care of tomorrow.

“Bow down, then, before the power of God so that He will raise you up at the appointed time. Place all your worries in Him since He takes care of you…God, the giver of all grace, has called you to share in Christ’s eternal glory and after you have suffered a little He will bring you to perfection: he will confirm, strengthen and establish you forever.” (1 Peter 5:6-7, 10, 12)

* Lord, I lay all my struggles and difficulties at Your feet. Teach me to trust that You will not give me more than I can handle, and that Your love will see me through always.

It’s time to let it go, Tina. Let it go, it’s the only thing you could do.