Tag Archives: 30 days of celebration

Dear Diary

Wallowing

day nineteen.

I was never the one who goes out on gimmicks during Friday nights or weekends. I’d prefer to watch a movie, stay home and read, work or hang out with good friends over dinner and coffee.

So last Thursday, I sent an impromptu invitation to my friends, and out of all of them, only Pauleen made it to Eastwood. Makes sense, since she’s the only one among us who has a car. Anyway, the night turned out to be girl bonding night, at least until Chris arrived at Eastwood and then we had to go home. And it was a good thing, too, because Pauleen needed to talk, and I needed to talk, and we shed some tears, laughed, talked about life, girly things like acne cleansers,  love and losing love and marveled at God’s grace.

It was a perfect Friday night, in my opinion.

So one of our conversations last night involved…well, being sad. Last Saturday, we (together with other friends) were talking about letting go and moving on and all that, especially from failed relationships. I have no experience in that area, as I’ve never been in a relationship, but I’ve had my share of being in situations of having to let go of something…or someone, even. It’s always hard letting go of something or someone. There’s the what if’s, there’s the uncertainty of not knowing what will happen after. But letting go of things is always necessary, even if it’s hard or heartbreaking. If we never learned how to let go, we will never be able to grow.

In doing these things, it’s inevitable that we get sad or lonely. It’s hard, and it feels like an endless thing, and we don’t know when it will end. People say one day you’ll just wake up and you’ll realize you’re okay…but sometimes it feels like you will never be okay. Sometimes it feels like the only way for you to be happy is to hold on tightly…but what if that is no longer an option?

I’m sure it’s different for people, but one thing I learned last year that helped me a lot when I went through this bout of loneliness was to wallow. I used to hate wallowing because I thought it was pathetic. Plus, I thought I did not have the right to wallow because nothing happened anyway, I was just sad because of what I did, and what did not happen. It’s not like someone broke up with me — other people have more right to grieve and be sad.

I think I was reading Eat, Pray, Love then, and there was this part that hit me:

“When I get lonely these days, I think: So be lonely, Liz. Learn your way around loneliness. Make a map of it. Sit with it, for once in your life. Welcome to the human experience.

In short, wallowing. We need to wallow.

I don’t know if it applies to all people, but I knew that wallowing really helped me. It helped me get in touch with my emotions, which I realize is essential if you want to move on. I allowed myself all kinds of indulgences, all kinds of music, all kinds of food for that wallow period, and once I was done, I picked myself up and tried to move on. When something happens, I allow myself to wallow again and then move on. Before I knew it, my heart had healed, and I had moved on.

I know I make it sound easy, and I know it’s not. It’s hard, but it’s doable. So if you’re going through something difficult, if your heart is broken, allow yourself to wallow. Allow yourself to feel your sadness. Cry. Listen to sad songs, rant to friends, watch movies you can relate to, rant to friends…be sad. Feel it, because when you feel it, you eventually get tired of it. Seriously. I allowed myself a one week wallowing period, and by the third day, I was tired of wallowing.

After wallowing, pick yourself up and move on. If you fall, if something happens unexpectedly, allow yourself a short term wallowing, then pick yourself up and go on with life again. Along the way, forgive yourself, forgive the other person. Hang out with friends and family. Do other things. Pray. One day, you will just wake up, or you cross paths with the other person and you’ll realize…you’re really and truly okay. :)

It’s not easy, but in time, you’ll be okay. :)

If anyone needs a wallow partner, I just found out that I’m extremely good at it. :P

Dear Diary, Say Cheese!

A Very Long Birthday

day seventeen.

My birthday is ending on other parts of the world, so I guess it’s time to do a recount of what happened in the past few days.

This has probably been the longest birthday celebration that I have ever had, hence the title of this post (thanks Jana for the suggestion). I guess it’s because my birthday fell on a Wednesday, or maybe it’s for another reason…but whatever it is, it kind of relieved me of the birthday blues. You know, the kind you get when you realize your birthday is over, something I mentioned in a previous post, I think. By eleven o’clock last night, I was glad that my day was ending, and I was ready to start my 24th year.

But first, what made it so long, anyway?

March 13 – 14 (Saturday to Sunday).

I knew my friends were already planning a surprise party for me, as it’s suddenly a tradition between my friends and I. I tried my best not to expect, really, but it’s funny how we’d often joke about the party. :)) It wasn’t until Wednesday last week when Chester invited me to my own party that I confirmed I had a party.

Now, the thing was, I didn’t know what to expect for the party. I didn’t know where it would happen, who would come and all that shiz. All I know is that on Saturday, I’d go to the gym, then hang out with my friends and watch a play in the evening. My mind would play all sorts of  scenarios in my mind: maybe they’re all in the condo? Did they invite my old friends? Maybe we’re not really watching a play tonight? Maybe, maybe?

After a very long afternoon in the gym (Body Combat + Body Pump + Body Jam), my friends and I left the mall and headed for Makati, where we’re supposed to meet up with Cors and Gel for our dinner before he head off to Avenue Q. We had a very long drive to Makati, which involved us supposedly getting Krispy Kreme, getting gas, going around The Fort and getting lost in Makati. We finally got to Greenbelt at around six. By that time, I wasn’t thinking of the party — I was already too hungry to do so. Noel and I headed for Chili’s, and then I spotted a couple of people and then…OH HELLO!

Continue reading A Very Long Birthday →

Dear Diary, Say Cheese!

Twenty Four

day sixteen.

Twenty four oceans
Twenty four skies
Twenty four failures
Twenty four tries
Twenty four finds me
In twenty-fourth place
Twenty four drop outs
At the end of the day
Life is not what I thought it was
Twenty four hours ago

And, happy birthday!

The thing with all the different happenings in the past few days is that it made me feel that I’ve been celebrating my birthday for so long already, starting Saturday, that finally getting to my actual birthday felt…well, like it’s not new anymore. Yes, I’m still excited, but it’s kind of winding down, and well…in a way, I’m glad, even if I do feel a bit sad.

My phone has been ringing with messages all day, friends are buzzing me on YM and my Facebook wall is filled with messages that I have yet to reply to. I just had lunch with my teammates, got a cake and a cute gift from my goddaughter, and it’s a relatively nice day. I look forward to tonight when I have dinner with my family and get one of the shoes I’ve been wanting to get since last month. This year’s birthday has been all about shoes, I wonder what that means. :)

I wore a dress today, too. And although it isn’t a new dress, it’s probably the most comfortable I’ve felt wearing something girly in the longest time. Even if I ate a lot during lunch (Shakey’s! ♥), I still feel pretty. Beautiful, even. :) Again, I love wearing dresses. And I’m still looking for more clothes. The reward of losing weight. :)

Earlier today, I got to talk to an old friend, who finally remembered my birthday on time. It’s a nice way to start the new year, and somehow it gives me hope that all is not lost between the two of us. She asked me what I feel now that I’m a year older, and as I thought about it, I realized that I don’t feel as lost, as opposed to how I felt a couple of years ago. I can’t say that I’m already rooted or in Maslow’s terms, I’ve reached self-actualization…but I guess it’s safe to say that I’ve gotten rid of some of my struggles and baggage from last year.

Still I’m singing Spirit take me up in arms with You
And I’m not who I thought I was twenty four hours ago
Still I’m singing Spirit take me up in arms with You

Twenty four reasons to admit that I’m wrong
With all my excuses still twenty four strong

See I’m not copping out not copping out not copping out
When You’re raising the dead in me

So what’s it going to be on my 24th? I’m seeing changes, lots of it. My brother’s wedding, for one. And renovation of our house. And I’m betting there’s more, because life likes throwing curve balls…but I’d like to believe that I can react faster this time. :)

And You’re raising these twenty four voices
With twenty four hearts
With all of my symphonies
In twenty four parts
But I want to be one today
Centered and true

I’m not afraid of these changes. At least, not as much as I used to be. The thought kind of makes me uneasy…but my God is bigger. And I have been blessed with great family and awesome friends, and I know that they’ll always be there and God will always be there, and there’s nothing that can separate me from His love. No calamity, tragedy, guy, loneliness, even happiness can ever separate me from His love. Ever.

I want to see miracles, see the world change
Wrestled the angel, for more than a name
For more than a feeling
For more than a cause
I’m singing Spirit take me up in arms with You
And You’re raising the dead in me
Twenty four voices
With twenty four hearts
With all of my symphonies
In twenty four parts.

This year, I’m going to be open to opportunities. I’m going to stay positive and see the good thing in every situation. I’m going to believe that my 24th year in this life is going to be an awesome year. Yes?

Thanks to everyone who made this day special. ♥ You guys are equally awesome. Now I’m off to hear mass. :)

Edited to add: To celebrate my birthday online…I created a formspring.me account! Ask me anything!

Dear Diary, Say Cheese!

Twenty Three

day fifteen.

I meant to post 23 things about being 23 years old, but I realized that…well, making a list that long is kind of hard. I’m talkative, I know, but coming up with a list like that is a bit too mentally taxing for someone who’s a bit too tired from a double class in the gym.

Or maybe I’m just lazy. Buuuut nevertheless.

In less than an hour, I’m turning 24. It feels kind of sad that the day I’ve anticipated to come since last month is finally coming, and pretty soon, it will be all over, and life would be back to normal. I know, these thoughts I’m having are depressing, but as what I talked about with Jana earlier, it’s kind of like what we feel when Christmas is over. It’s time to go back to normal.

But it’s not even the 17th yet, so I better cut these thoughts.

So. 23. How was my 23rd year? This time last year, I was in a long call, and shortly later, I was surprised by some friends, and went home feeling giddy because it was the first time I ever received a sunflower. That picture over there was me, exactly a year ago. Longer hair, and slightly more pudgy. ;)

My 23rd year was quite eventful, really, but for the life of me, I’m sort of having a hard time recalling the specific things that happened. I don’t want to bore you with that anyway, because if you want to know about that, then you can just browse through the archives. But I think, what’s more important than remembering what happened is to remember what I learned in the past year of existence, to remind me of them when I start a new year in my life.

So. Again. Twenty-three.

  • This year, I learned and realized that I had very great friends. I know I used to complain a lot about how I suck at keeping in touch, or that I don’t have a solid group of friends and all…but this year, I was proven wrong. I have the most awesome friends ever. I’m so glad I reconnected with my high school friends and from seeing each other every six months, we now see each other every week! Plus, I’m so blessed that they get along with my office and college friends, so I can go out with a whole bunch of people and feel like we’ve all known each other forever. With friends like them, who needs a boyfriend? ;)
  • This year, I also found out that I can make new friends if I really want to. I’m not the friendliest person around — at least, as far as I know — but now I really think I’m starting to reach out more and hang out with different sets of people and make memories with them…and none of it involves me sharing a story about a boy or a love problem, which was how I started friendships (that ultimately became acquaintances) before.
  • One more about friendship. It’s also this year that it really hit me that friends really do come and go. Even if that friend was someone who I used to be really close to. I tried my best to keep the friendship alive, but a one-sided effort can only go so far. I got tired, and I was hurt, and until now, I’m still trying to let go and forgive the person. I’m still here to be a friend, but this year, I’ve made up my mind to move on and not wait for that other person to catch up with my life.
  • This year, I still had a hard time praying. But I also learned that God’s love is still bigger than my weaknesses, and that He is always, always there even if I am not.
  • This year, I was able to read more. And write more. I think this is the year that I was able to write more blog entries, articles and stories, even if I did experience the worst burn out in writing I’ve ever had. I definitely read more books, and I’m glad that I never lost that love of reading.
  • This year, I learned that anything is possible. If I put my time, heart and if needed, money, into it, I can do it. It’s all in the discipline, and how much you want it. I know it’s vague, but the best example for this is when my weight loss — I never thought I would have been able to reach it if I didn’t put my time, heart, and yes, money, into it.
  • This year, I learned to fight for my heart. If you ask me a year ago what I wanted…in a guy, specifically, I would not have been able to answer. A long night at a coffee shop with good friends made me realize that, and anything that involved matters of the heart is worth fighting for. Yes, I think I may be able to answer the question up there…but right now I’m keeping it for myself. ;)
  • This year, I learned not to be too uptight. I’ve learned to relax, to have fun, to try new things even if I haven’t tried them before. Being too serious can give you adult acne, you know. There is wisdom in Yes Man, and in saying yes to things. :)
  • This year, I learned to be more open to people. This is a bit love specific again, but I realized that I don’t need to be strict with the things I want in a guy. Love isn’t about similarities alone, after all, but differences as well. I may sound a bit idealistic at times, but now I’m trying to be open to other people’s quirks and traits. There are non-negotiables, of course, but for the little stuff, I’m learning to be more accepting. In addition, I also learned that my ideal situation is not what really happens in real life, and I need to stop imposing them on other people. Different strokes for different folks. :)
  • One more thing about love. This year, I learned to be okay with being alone. I think this is the most important lesson I learned with regards to love life, because it relieves me of the pressure of looking for someone. I’m happy with being by myself. :)
  • And finally, this year, I learned that God’s plan is wider and deeper than what I can initially see. Ondoy changed my life, but it reminded me that God’s is stronger and more powerful and bigger than any typhoon or calamity that comes. I also learned that everything that happens in life is a part of God’s will. I may not see it now, but someday it will all make sense.

I have a feeling there’s more, but I’ll stop here because I want to post this entry before 12 midnight strikes. It’s already 11:59PM — one minute till I turn 24. :) Am I ready to be older and wiser once again?

In His Steps

Prayer and desires

day fourteen.

I was listening to Lifeteen‘s the newest The Mix podcast, and though it didn’t bring me to tears like the last one, the reflection at the end hit straight home, as usual.

So I thought we’d start this week (favorite week?) with a reflection about prayer and desires, that was spoken at the end of the said podcast. This is an excerpt from St. Augustine’s Letter to Proba on Prayer, that outlines his interpretation of 1 Thessalonians 5:16: “Pray without ceasing.” Thanks to The Crossroads Initiative for the text. :) Empahsis (the words in underline) are mine, btw.

Why in our fear of not praying as we should, do we turn to so many things, to find what we should pray for? Why do we not say instead, in the words of the psalm: I have asked one thing from the Lord, this is what I will seek: to dwell in the Lord’s house all the days of my life, to see the graciousness of the Lord, and to visit his temple? There, the days do not come and go in succession, and the beginning of one day does not mean the end of another; all days are one, simultaneously and without end, and the life lived out in these days has itself no end.

So that we might obtain this life of happiness, he who is true life itself taught us to pray, not in many words as though speaking longer could gain us a hearing. After all, we pray to one who, as the Lord himself tells us, knows what we need before we ask for it.

Why he should ask us to pray, when he knows what we need before we ask him, may perplex us if we do not realize that our Lord and God does not want to know what we want for he cannot fail to know it, but wants us rather to exercise our desire through our prayers, so that we may be able to receive what he is preparing to give us. His gift is very great indeed, but our capacity is too small and limited to receive it. That is why we are told: Enlarge your desires, do not bear the yoke with unbelievers.

The deeper our faith, the stronger our hope, the greater our desire, the larger will be our capacity to receive that gift, which is very great indeed. No eye has seen it; it has no color. No ear has heard it; it has no sound. It has not entered man’s heart; man’s heart must enter into it.

In this faith, hope and love we pray always with unwearied desire. However, at set times and seasons we also pray to God in words, so that by these signs we may instruct ourselves and mark the progress we have made in our desire, and spur ourselves on to deepen it. The more fervent the desire, the more worthy will be its fruit. When the Apostle tells us: Pray without ceasing (I Thes 5:16), he means this: Desire unceasingly that life of happiness which is nothing if not eternal, and ask it of him who alone is able to give it.

Have a great week ahead, everyone. :) Be blessed.

Dear Diary, Entertaining Angels

For Now

day thirteen.

My friends and I caught Avenue Q again yesterday at the Carlos P. Romulo theater. Wait, let me correct that: I watched it again, while my friends watched it for the first time. We were late, so we missed the first two songs, but the show was fun as usual. I’d skip the review because I already reviewed it before, but I realized a few more things while watching the musical, especially when I heard the songs all over again (which, I realized that I memorized most of it).

There’s a fine, fine line. Fine Line has been one of my favorite songs in the musical, with its really sad lyrics that I used as my anthem last year when I was really down. I mean, who wouldn’t be sad with a line like this: There’s a fine, fine line between love and a waste of time. </3 But there is truth in this song, I guess. After hearing a lot of sad love stories and struggling relationships lately, I was reminded of how quick people can change, how some people can just give up, and relationships can go up and down in an instant. I don’t have any first hand experience, of course, but I’ve heard a lot…and I just pray my heart is strong enough if/when something similar happens to me.

I wish I could go back to college. How many times have I said that? I miss, miss, miss college. I miss how simple life was then, how all I worried was about then was grades (seemed like a pretty big worry then of course). I find myself missing college every now and then, but again, there is truth in the song, especially at the last part: But if I were to go back to college, think what a loser I’d be…I’d walk through the quad, and think, “Oh my God…these kids are so much younger than me.”

No matter how much I wish, no matter how much I miss college, I know that I can never go back to the exact same days. I guess I should just be happy that college was a really good memory for me. :)

Everything in life is only for now. One of my favorite songs in the musical is the finale, For Now. Just like Fine Line, this song was one of those songs that I held onto during one of my down times. There’s wisdom and comfort in the song that reminds us that things are just for now, and we shouldn’t stress about it too much. Life may be scary, but it’s only temporary. It also reminds me that our life is really for now, and there’s an eternity that we need to look forward to and think more of, because are just passing by in this life.

It was a fun show, and the cast was great as usual. I kind of missed Carla Guevara as Kate Monster, though. But I’m glad I watched Avenue Q again. :)

And now, I have to take a quick nap. Slept at 3am and it isn’t fun to try to stay awake. Have a great week ahead, everyone. :)

Dear Diary, Say Cheese!

Thesisizing

day twelve.

On the way to lunch earlier, my teammates and I passed by Mrs. Fields, and there was a big cookie cake there that says, “Congratulations, Graduates!” It took us a while to really get that, and realize that it’s March, and it is graduation season! Wow. Don’t you just love graduations?

If you’re a college senior and graduation is just around the corner, I know that there’s still one hurdle you have to go through before you get to official graduate status: thesis.

Ah, thesis. It changes your life, you know.

Four years ago today was my thesis defense. I used to have long blog entries about my thesis thoughts here, before I started my blog again from scratch (and before I lost my archives in The Great Ginger Crash of 2007), and believe me, when I say long, they were long.

I was a pretty good student from high school to college, but in between those two chapters of my life, I went from a star student (high school) to an average student (college). I pretty much “coasted” along in college, save for some bumps in the roads (three failures) and some high moments (Dean’s List for one term), but I never found anything as challenging as thesis was.

Our thesis was divided into three terms: IS-RESM, ISTHES1 and ISTHES2. Let me tell you the story of each term (and then some). :)

IS-RESM. IS-RESM is all about the thesis proposal, so this was the time we pick our desired topics, find a problem about how it was being taught or learned and propose a solution for it, based on what we have learned for the past few years. I admit, I suck at conceptual stuff. I had a hard time researching for theories, and I couldn’t see how it would help in our project. I was more of an application person, and I knew I could keep up with creating the application…but first, we need to make a proposal.

This was the time when I was starting to become active in YFC again, and I guess that kind of got me distracted. I wasn’t in the mood to do thesis because I wanted to do other stuff. I also didn’t really like our topic: Costing and Pricing for Entrepreneurs. It was kind of a disaster of a term. We got a redefense verdict for our first defense, and finally a fail on our redefense. I cried in the lobby right after, but I knew it was really where we were headed.

What happened next? Two words: summer term.

Continue reading Thesisizing →

Dear Diary

Shopping Lessons

day eleven.

Well hello, it’s Day 11! I’m on the second third of the challenge, what do you know? :)

Something’s been stressing me lately, and I know it’s something that I really have to address and not just ignore. I really have to do this, because the alternative is to go back to before, or just keep what I have and look like a total slob.

What am I stressing about?

Shopping.

I know, of all things, right?

I’m not much of a shopper. In fact, I used to go into a really bad mood swing when I was young whenever my mom would drag me to go shopping. I hated shopping. I was contented with wearing jeans + top + sneakers/rubber shoes. I hated sleeveless tops, I don’t wear dresses unless there’s a real need to, and I don’t bother for shoes and accessories. I chose comfort over other things, so that’s why I’m almost always underdressed.

Not only that, I wasn’t exactly the smallest girl back then. When I started growing horizontally, it was hard to find the clothes I liked, because more often than not, they don’t fit. :( Girl clothes aren’t like kids ties, you know, it’s not one-size-fits-all, or you can’t just get clothes without fitting them. And it pained me so much before to get bigger sizes, or see my thunder thighs in the mirror and see how much my stomach bulges whenever I fit the clothes I want. I was so self-conscious then, and sometimes shopping makes me tear up because it brings my self-esteem down. I remember, when I went shopping for office clothes before, I had to repeat a mantra to myself starting the night before shopping: I am beautiful, I will find clothes that look good.

So I really can’t deny the fact that when I lost inches at the same time when I lost weight, my self-esteem went up. I now understand what my friend told me about how it feels when people tell you that you’ve lost weight — it felt great. Wonderful, even, especially when you’ve never received that compliment before. It was nice to learn that you need belts to hold your pants up, or the clothes you can’t wear before fit you better, or the clothes you used to wear are too loose now. It really boosted my self-esteem.

But at the same time, it stressed me out, because I suddenly ran out of clothes. Right now there are two kinds of clothes in my closet: clothes that used to fit me but are too loose, and clothes that fit me now, but still don’t look too good and can only wear until I lose a few more inches/pounds. I can count with my fingers how many clothes I can wear for work, and right now I only have two more work pants left. That’s hard, because if for some reason that our clothes don’t get washed in a week because of power failure or something, I have nothing to wear to work.

Well, save for some old college skirts. Everything else is too loose. Wait, the pants I wear now are too loose, but they’re the only ones that still fit without dropping below my waist, or making it look too hip-hop.

So you see, it’s kind of stressful. And again, I’m not a shopper — I don’t make time to shop, and shopping wears me out. A lot. And shopping for nice office clothes that would last means it would cost a lot, and I’m not exactly rolling in dough, you know.

What’s a girl to do?

Shop in increments, of course. One to two pieces of clothing every month. Shoes, too. And to shop with good friends, because it makes it less painful and more fun. :)

I’ve started shopping since December, before our Coron trip, and since then, I’ve been slowly buying a few pieces of clothing every now and then, to add to my wardrobe. It’s hard sometimes, but it’s also kind of fun because I get to see what looks good on me, and getting things in a smaller size works wonders to my self-esteem. :) Plus shopping with friends is always fun. It’s a good thing my friends are adept with shopping.

So here’s what I learned from all my shopping adventures. Forgive my lack of knowledge in fashion terms or cuts or what — I’m a newbie here after all. :D

  • I like dresses. The last time I wore a dress willingly was…gosh, I can’t even remember. My graduation? But it’s a formal dress, so it doesn’t really count. I guess the year-end party in 2007 was the last one. I didn’t exactly hate wearing dresses, but I just don’t feel as comfortable in it as I do in pants. After some time, I started feeling the need to wear a dress, and I finally did during Rent night. And you know what? It was so much fun wearing a dress! It required little thinking, just a bit of accessorizing, and I still looked pretty! Since then, I already bought three more dresses. Haha addicted much? I wore it once to work, and I felt really pretty, too, which was awesome. :D
  • Long dresses make me look short. I tried this purple dress that goes down to my shins and it made me look a couple of inches shorter. Ooops. Then I tried on this pink dress that goes down above my knees and it looked just right. So I guess the proper length for me is just up to there because I’m short. :P
  • I still need pants. And skirts. However, as much as I like dresses and want to wear them more often, the downside is I can’t wear them all the time, unless I build a wardrobe full of dresses. It’s not so easy to mix and match dresses you know because they’re always in one piece. I need skirts too because all my skirts at home are college skirts, and they make me look like a teacher! :o
  • I also need new tops. Same with pants, tops are easier to mix and match, of course.
  • Pants with side pockets don’t look good on me. I tried fitting a couple of pants the other day and all the pockets bulged at my hips. Uh-oh. I need ones with front pockets, or no pockets at all. Still searching! I think I’ll find them in the department stores.
  • Clothes that last costs a lot. Okay, maybe not always, but sometimes the price is just painful. :( I need to keep on thinking that they’re investments, so I won’t feel bad in buying them.
  • I want to go and shop at ukays. Do I have to explain this? I want to know how many clothes I can get with Php 1,000. :P
  • Shoes, shoes, shoes. I’m not a shoe shopper too, and I can only count about three pairs that I wear to work. I love sneakers, but most of my sneakers last me for a long time…and I can’t always wear sneakers to work. Right now I’m learning what kind of shoes look good on me — just the right height (because I’m not a fan of high heels) and nothing that looked like boots because they cut my feet off and I look short — and I also have to remind myself that good shoes that last cost money. I’ve learned about cheap shoes the hard way, so sad. I’m still building my shoe collection…and I hope I don’t become addicted. Haha.
  • Accessorizing is something I still have to learn. I’m not much of an accessories person, but I know how a simple necklace or bracelet can make the outfit look complete. I just wish I’m not allergic to fake stuff so I can wear the earrings I collected through the years. :(
  • It’s really all about guts. I used to be afraid of wearing dresses to work because I know everyone would tease me, but after some time I got used to it. I’ve learned that wearing the clothes you like is really all about having the guts to wear them. If it looks good, don’t be embarrassed by it. Be proud. Flaunt what you’ve got, as they say. I’m learning, I’m learning. Sometimes I still feel shy, but whenever I look in the mirror and see a different person from before, I smile and tell myself that I’m beautiful, and I go out and have fun. :) Don’t worry about what other people think. :)

So yay. Tomorrow I’m watching Avenue Q with some friends and I’m dressing up for the theater again. :) This year I’ve already bought four dresses, two pairs of shoes, a belt, and a top. Just wait, I’ll get to the other clothes that I need. And then have a brand new wardrobe, for…well, I guess, brand new me?

It’s fun being a girl. Really. :)

Oh, and I found the cutest shoes today, too, that matches two of the dresses I bought this week! :) I can’t wait to wear them tomorrow. :)

True, right? :)

Happy weekend, everyone!

Dear Diary

Epiphanies

day ten.

Ah, my legs hurt from all the dancing I did earlier. It was fun, but I think my shoes are starting to give, especially since it has been starting to give in since I ran that 5km race. That, or the shoes aren’t just made for dancing. Which means I may have to buy new rubber shoes again.

Shopping, it never ends.

Anyway, I’ve been having a lot of epiphanies lately. I don’t even know how I have time to have epiphanies when I’m so busy. Or maybe I just think I’m busy because I have a lot of stuff to do…but wait, that‘s busy.

Okay, someone’s sleepy already.

Anyway, epiphanies. I’ve been having them, but just small ones, things I suddenly realize about myself because of the things I do or attempt to do. Let’s see…

  • I do a lot of work outs at the gym, with my own program and all, but one of the things I really enjoy are group exercises. I’ve been trying to be better at cycling, but last Monday’s cycling attempt made me realize one thing: I’m no cyclist. I can survive a 1 hour class, but that’s it. I need a bit more of practice, probably, but I don’t think I’ll ever love cycling. I really think I’m more of a dancer or a runner than a cyclist. Probably more of a dancer.
  • And speaking of dancing. I’m really starting to love dancing. I don’t know if it loves me back, but I love it. :P
  • I’ve been thinking about my old community lately, and last Tuesday gave me a chance to be with some old friends from the community, the ones I used to see only because of meetings and such. Sad as it may seem, it really doesn’t feel like home anymore. I may be judging it too soon, but I still don’t see myself being active there anytime soon. I guess I’m still “lost”, at least when referring to communities.
  • Ever since I lost a lot of weight (still trying to lose the last 10 lbs, the hardest of them all, ugh), I’ve been needing to shop. So I’ve been shopping. I bought a dress. Then two more dresses. And one more. I realized: it’s so nice to buy dresses. Seriously. Wearing them is so effortless, requires little thinking. I need to learn to accessorize, though…and I still need to buy new pants and tops so I can mix and match again. My poor, poor wallet.
  • Finally. I’ve been feeling too lazy lately. Maybe it’s just a funk, maybe it’s just me. Or maybe it’s the birthday blues. But I need to snap out of this. I need to step up once again.

Anyway, it’s late early late, and I still have work tomorrow. Payday weekend — finally! And 5 days till I turn 24! I still have a birthday post somewhere, I just have to look for it. :P

Dear Diary, Entertaining Angels

That’s what you get when you let your heart win

day nine.

I’m very picky about my music. I don’t listen to the radio a lot because I don’t like mainstream music, and I have no idea what’s the biggest song out there and all that. I listen to a select list of artists, and more often than not, other people don’t know about them. Yeah, I can be a music snob if I want to.

I heard about Paramore from Happy, when we were planning about the next concert we want to organize. I think it was after Switchfoot or Hillsong, when Happy said she wanted to bring Paramore here. I didn’t know about them until I asked to listen to a song on our way home from the Cebu trip two years ago. Happy made me listen to That’s What You Get, and I was won over.

It took a while for me to digest all their songs, but after some time, Paramore became a staple. I don’t really care about how good they sound — I cared more about their lyrics. Paramore was there to get me through a lot, especially in late 2008 and early 2009. Most of the time, their songs find a way to describe exactly what I was feeling, and you know how when you find something that describes you so much that it sometimes kind of hurts? Yeah, that kind of thing. And Paramore’s brand new eyes album was also the same album that I kept on listening to during Ondoy, so it’s really memorable.

The point of those previous paragraphs: I couldn’t miss their concert in Manila.

I was supposed to go with Happy,  but she had to go to Hong Kong with her family as a graduation gift, so I didn’t have anyone to go to the concert with in the Gold section. Luckily, I saw a couple of SFC friends who posted their tickets online and I asked if I could tag along, so I downgraded from Gold to Silver, thinking company is more than view.

It was actually a good thing I joined them because I probably wouldn’t have enjoyed it as much if I had watched the concert alone. You know?

Anyway, I’ve got a lot of observations during the concert, so let’s go bullet mode and list them down. :)

OH AND DISCLAIMER: All of the things below are just my opinions about the event, and I don’t mean to offend anyone. I used to be a part of a team that organizes and produces concerts, so I guess I kind of know what I’m talking about, so I’m letting out my observations coming from someone who knows about concert production (a bit), and from an audience. If you’re a part of the organizing team, I hope you’d take whatever I say constructively. :)  *bow*

  • First and foremost: Paramore was awesome. Hayley’s energy could reach all the way back, and the band was awesome, and all their performances were flawless, as far as I’m concerned.  Hayley even had a shirt just for Manila — it said “Para-thrilla in Manila.” How cute. :) They were very engaging, and they obviously made the entire wait and show worth it.
    Continue reading That’s what you get when you let your heart win →