Tag Archives: anger

Dear Diary

Making Sense

I don’t really know how this day turned out, except that I didn’t went out, and I think I just had a fight with my mom over a totally shallow thing that could have been avoided if proper words and emotions were chosen to be acted upon.

I hate how things could be blown way out of proportion here when unpleasant emotions can be avoided by the way one react to things. I’ve been taught in serving in YFC that while my emotions are entirely valid, it’s not an excuse for you to treat another person badly. It’s not an excuse to take it out on another person who, even if he/she might have done something that isn’t right, is not the cause of your moodiness. Yes, you may feel sad, annoyed or not in the mood, but it is no excuse to treat other people badly.

Argh, sorry. I’m just a bit pissed how the mood was taken out on me when it couldn’t have been that way. I know I did something wrong, but is it such a big deal that you have to shout at me again? That you have to say the same lines used before, Alam ko matalino ka naman, bakit ka ganyan? ((READ: I know you’re smart, but why are you like that?)) It’s so annoying. Why didn’t you just tell me to clean it and I’ll gladly do it without you having to be angry? It would’ve saved you from the anger and me the tears.

Okay, shut up now.

Hay nako. I don’t want it to be a big deal anymore.

And speaking of big deals, I think one of the reasons why I am making such a big deal out of this job thing is because the choice for the next step is with me. I have the power to choose if I would stay in this job or choose a different career path, or just take a break altogether. Whereas when I was still in school, the only choice I have is the one right in front of me — studies. I can complain about it all the time but at the end of the day (or the start), I still have to study. Period. Being restricted of the choice on what is the next step makes life easy than having to decide what to do with the rest of your life on your own. Yes, on your own. Let’s face it: no matter how much you consult people, no matter how much you talk (or in my case, blog) about it, the choice is still yours. You will still choose what path to take — to stay or to leave, to look for a new way or stick to what you are doing.

That power is both liberating and frightening, and truth be told, I’m having a hard time facing it. I’m having a hard time using it which is why I keep on talking about it ((Defense mechanism, ahoy)). I need to make up my mind. I need to make a choice.

Wait, I think I have. Now I have to act on it. But when?

Haaaaaay. Stop blabbering, you need to sleep. Tomorrow is back to work (gulp), and you have to deal. As always.

I’ll be okay. I always am. I just wish I could be more than okay (or as Switchfoot sings, more than fine, more than bent on getting by, more than fine, more than just okay…) soon.

Dear Diary, Thought-Provoking

Never take friendship personal

3 Comments

Edit (011607, 11:03am): Instead of making a new entry, I’ve decided to just append the second one here. :D Space saver and it’s easier for me to go back. :) I’ll get this entry finished within the day, I promise!

Edit (011607, 7:18pm): Entry finished! :) Oh, and I’d like to warn you that this entry sounds a bit angry, but that’s just me venting. If ever you get offended by whatever I said, please contact me in private. I’d listen to you, but also remember that this is my blog and I am entitled to my own opinions. Thanks. :)

First off, congratulations to my friends Ryan and Arl who are now registered nurses! :) Congratulations to you two! And congrats to all those who passed the nursing board exams too. :)

Tonight, let’s talk about high school for a while. You know how in high school, there’s always this friendship/barkada drama? Like, there’s always some group against one group, one group against one person, one outcast member in the group, one person against one person, backstabbing one another in all its sad glory. Okay, not all high school friendships are like that, but you can’t deny the existence of all these high school drama. I should know, I’ve been part of it.

Most of my high school friendship drama happened during freshmen year, when everyone was trying to fit in. My problem at the start of the school year was that I don’t know who else is in my class. As far as I know, no one I was close with back in Grade 6 was also in the same section as I am in first year high school. Scary, especially when there are a lot of new students who want to fit in too.

Thank God I met some people who were nice, all because we liked to eat hash browns during recess. We eventually formed a group, and one of our favorite past times was to make fun of this other group of girls in class who write letters to each other everyday. As in every single school day.Take note, we are all classmates and we see each other everyday, yet they write to each other! With stationery and such! My friends and I joked that everytime they pass each other letters every morning, a tree gets cut down.

But because we’re such mature people then (yes, that’s sarcasm on mature), my friends and I eventually joined in with them. Weird, huh? But we did. And then they gave their group a name and we did too. We even formalized a membership by voting on the names we want our group to have. And we thought we were teh coolest, yo.

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