Abraham called the name of that place The LORD Will Provide, as it is said to this day, “In the mount of the LORD it will be provided.” – Genesis 22:14
Two credit card bills arrived yesterday, both of their due dates coming quite soon. Earlier this month, I had to pay an insurance fee which comes twice every year, and I also had to pay for my phone bill and another insurance.
All these bills would have been okay if they had come during my “rich” months, sometime around April or November. However, they all had to come durng the poor months of July to August, where I am always at my lowest when it comes to funds in the bank. It doesn’t help that the time between June and July paydays were excruciatingly long, and that I had a huge credit card bill last June too because of our Hong Kong trip where I swiped some stuff (not the smartest idea, I know).
So, now I just paid for one credit card in full, and a part of the other credit card, and it’s still roughly two weeks until next payday…and my bank account does not look pretty.
It’s not that I am totally and absolutely broke. I still have some funds, and it’s not really dismal or whatever…it’s just that it’s dangerously low. I’ve learned to set a certain threshold when it comes to my accounts, and I try as much as possible not to go lower than the limit, because if I do, I feel like I won’t have enough in case of emergencies and all that. Admit it: there’s a certain security in having enough money (and enough is subjective, I know).
I’m not broke. I’m just dangerously low on funds, and I can’t help panicking at times. I mean, what if something happens? What if I need something? How will I survive with this amount until next payday? And what about next month, when my salary comes, and I’d have to pay the bills? Will I survive on each paycheck until bonus comes?
It’s enough to make me panic, really, especially when I kind of find a sense of security in knowing I have enough money, sometimes even more than enough to be able to lend to people. Or splurge on something for myself, you know? And it’s not that the things I paid for in the card are mindless spending; some of them are really good investments, but that doesn’t make it less of a pain in the pocket.
I remember writing about God’s providence a couple of years back (here’s the entry), and I try to remind myself of the lessons I learned during that time. I guess in a way it’s harder this time around because I no longer ask for money from my parents, and all the things I paid for were not for YFC or padugo, even.
I guess the root of my panic is really how I put some sense of security in the money that I have in my account(s). Money is just money. It’s something that I may need, but it shouldn’t be something I lean on to in my life. It’s not something I should get my security from.
God will provide. I’ve got to believe that. A few weeks ago, I heard Mark Hart say in his Sunday Sunday Sunday podcast: God will not only meet your needs, He will exceed them. And when I really pay attention to it, He has always been exceeding my needs, even when I don’t need to. So why should I believe that less now that I know God knows my panicked feeling?
God will provide. Jehovah-jireh. The Lord will see and the Lord will provide.
Please calm my heart Lord, and help me to trust in Your providence.
“And God is able to fill you with every good thing, so that you have enough of everything at all times, and may give abundantly for any good work.” – 2 Corinthians 9:8