Tag Archives: stress

Dear Diary

Christmas Weather and December Stress

I don’t know what happened, but there was this deliciously cold breeze yesterday and I can still feel it until now. Can you feel it? :)

It sucks that I can’t enjoy it fully because I’m still kind of sick (these colds just won’t go away!), but I’m loving it. I can feel Christmas, and I haven’t even done my Christmas shopping yet!

I’m having some holiday blues though. Or maybe it’s because of the stress. Yesterday I was feeling all sad for some reason, and it’s not because I’m not out of the house because I really wanted to rest and work on my freelance projects. Earlier today I was panicking because of all the things I need to do for the next two weeks, and I don’t know if I have enough time or strength or if I can actually finish everything the way I want it to be finished, like:

  • Two freelance projects due this month. The second one is just a prototype and is relatively easier than the first one and I can do it during vacation, but the first one is consuming so much time that I feel like this will eat the developing time for the second one. Bah. The least I could do for the second one now is to make a template and a project plan and a requirements analysis document. That should take me one day…as long as I find some time. :| Can someone help me with Drupal theming?
  • PinoyWrimo TGIO party on Friday. I’m really thankful that Maita of Talecraft is helping me out, so less stress, but I still find myself stressing over the people who’s coming. Haha. Anuba. I’m missing our account’s party for this. Sorry guys, I’m needed here. I’ll be at our team’s Christmas party. :D
  • Work documentation stuff. I just need to send an email for this, and then worry about everything by the time I go back for work next year, but you know how I stress over these things. T_T
  • Christmas shopping/baking. Enough said. I’m thankful that we get one extra weekend in December before the  vacation, so at least I can deliver the gifts/baked stuff before we get off for the long vacation. :D I’ve got baked stuff for the people at work, some nice things for my other friends but nothing yet for my family. How lame is that? No complicated stuff like auto insurance, simple but meaningful stuff will do.
  • Domain renewals. Not only my domains, but send domain renewal emails to my hostees. Can do this in a day, and probably right before Christmas rolls around (haha what a Christmas greeting).
  • Upgrade my WordPress and make a new layout. This is personal, but I’ve put it off for s long and this layout’s been here for almost a year, that I really need to do something about it. When is WordPress 2.7 coming out?
  • Annual Physical Exam at work. This is stressing me out how? Oh the lab samples. And the exam is at 4pm. May I be excused this Monday because I’m still recovering from my cough? You don’t want me coughing during my X-ray, right? Hay. Good luck.

Add that and the usual work load at the office, club activities and this desire to write something even if I have absolutely no time at all. Bah humbug.

I really should get working now. I’ve got CSS e-books to hopefully help me with what I’m doing. Drupal, I shall conquer you! (Wish me luck!)

Randomnities

All Out, Burn Out

You know how some people have annoying and extreme mood swings? You know, happy one time, sad the next? Not quite manic-depressive, but you know, just extreme mood swings?

I think I have something like it. Only in things I do, not work.

See, some time ago, I was all out in all the things I do — be it work, extra-curriculars or even non-work. I believe that I should throw myself fully in everything I committed myself to. If I said yes, I must follow my word and see it all through. 100% commitment, as I say. Plus there’s me not complaining if things get difficult. Heck, I said yes, who gave me the right to complain?

I think one of the things that I really suck at though, is saying no. I mean, I can say no to some things, but you know how some people always has to offer help, even if their plates are so full? I’m that kind of person. I feel like I should always help someone, even in the smallest way possible, as long as I try to.

And…I know it’s not bad. And I’m not saying this to say that I’m a good person, but it’s just something I feel like I should do.

Lately though, I just feel tired of everything. Like I want to take a break. It’s like I’ve gone all out on other things for the past few months, and now I felt…burned out. No more energy, no more fuel.

Which is annoying, really, especially seeing that there’s so many things I need to do for the next few weeks or so.

Only, I don’t feel like doing it. It’s like…I want a break. It’s like I wish I didn’t take so many responsibilities before that people expect me to continue stepping up, even if I don’t feel like it. It’s like I’m resisting. You know when you’ve been stressed so much over something, that when you finally get to rest from them, you don’t want to go back to them ever again? It’s that feeling.

Is this burn out? Bah. I don’t believe in burn out.

Or maybe I’m just stressed.

Ack.

Anyway. This too shall pass. I just need to take it easy, really. Or at least, do some major de-stressing. :P I can’t wait for November — time to lose myself in the novels for NaNoWriMo. That shouldn’t be stressful. I hope. ^^;

I have an annoying stomach ache from skipping lunch then eating a big dinner. I brought lunch from home today so I didn’t eat it…I want to at least eat it since I don’t want it to go to waste…but I can’t eat anything anymore, even if it’s French toast casserole (whatever that is). I think I’ll just read The Thirteenth Tale and go to bed in a while.

Dear Diary, In His Steps

Stressed much?

3 Comments

Yes I’m stressed.

The moment I woke up today, I knew I wasn’t in my normal chipper mood. I have been feeling quite lethargic since yesterday and today was just…blah. The only thought that is running through my head is, “I’m so tired.” And believe me, as many things that I do and deal with, I hardly ever say that I am tired. I actually thrive on being busy, because it keeps things so interesting.

But this week has felt like such a chore. There are two ways for me to deal with stress. The ideal way is to be focused and keep moving forward, finishing all the things I have to do in the best time possible. Then there’s the other way, where I squirm out of commitments, where I try to ignore my responsibilities and just try to get away from everything. Thankfully, I’ve been doing the former, but lately it’s been so tempting to do the latter — I just want to disappear and then go back when everything’s over. Preferably done by someone else.

Hay.

So anyway, I was browsing around a new website I discovered through Sarah, The Boundless Webzine. It’s kind of like Lifeteen, only it caters to people in the college and post-college people. Ah, it’s kind of like Bustedhalo. :D There you go. Anyway, so I was browsing it earlier while eating breakfast in my workstation, and I was looking for articles about faith, about being weary just to refresh myself in some way and I came across an article called Venting and Losing. I read it, and right from the start I knew it was for me. :)) Here’s some parts:

I’ve always been a glass-half-full kind of girl. My friends will tell you I’m quick to look for the bright side of most situations. I’m not a complainer. At least that’s what I like to think.

A couple weeks ago, I found myself in a depressing cycle. It started with my dissatisfaction with a certain relationship. The person was failing to meet my expectations, which disappointed me. That disappointment led to anger, which led to grumpiness.

Feeling the need to “process,” I vented my frustration to my exercise buddy. Although she tried to console me, my venting caused my self-righteousness to rise and made me even grumpier.

Over the next few days, I stewed over the situation and “vented” to several other people. As I griped about my unfair situation, I found myself not only being frustrated with the initial relationship but being critical of others as well. Soon it seemed as if everyone was letting me down.

My dissatisfaction grew until I reached a breaking point. Tearfully, I took it out on a friend who happened to call at the wrong moment. When I hung up the phone, I realized something had gone terribly wrong. Instead of helping my situation, venting had blown it out of proportion…

…My complaints, on the other hand, are trivial: Perceived mistreatment by another person. Less than ideal circumstances in my personal life. Not getting things I believe I deserve. OK, so I may not be wandering in the desert, but these things can still seem unfair…

…Our world is marked by complaint. Complaint against our government. Complaint against the educational system. Complaint against those who bring us food, bag our groceries, let their cell phones go off during movies. Our freedom of speech is the freedom to complain. And we take that freedom very seriously.

A person who doesn’t criticize something is a novelty. He makes you wonder why he’s satisfied. As believers, we have a compelling reason to not complain. We have been shown undeserved grace and given unfathomable riches through Jesus Christ. In light of this, complaining about anything seems — well, silly.

I say I trust an all-powerful, good, loving God, but when that trust is put to the test through less-than-ideal circumstances, I often fail. Instead of acknowledging that God controls the details of my life, I moan and groan about how unacceptable they are. A life where grumbling is absent, however, speaks volumes about a person’s trust in God.

[Read entire article here]

Ouch! How about that. But thank You, Lord. You always know where to hit me.

I’m still tired, yes, and I still feel stressed and somehow I feel like I’m going to spontaneously combust (thanks Yam for the term) anytime…but I’m going to do my best to follow Philippians 2:14-15 : “Do everything without complaining or arguing, so that you may become blameless and pure, children of God without fault in a crooked and depraved generation, in which you shine like stars in the universe.”

By God’s grace, God and I will go through this. :) One of my favorite Bible verses back in high school, during my stressful times was: “I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do everything through him who gives me strength.” (Philippians 4:12-13). This is even better than any venting session or the best diet pill or even the new Starbucks Dark Mocha Frappuccino (which I really, really love). I will hold onto this, and to the promise that God is with me every step of the way. :) Great adventure!

Are you stressed? :)

Randomnities

Friday's Feast # 4

Hello, Friday! Hello, June!

I never mentioned it, but I started a Script Frenzy blog. Script Frenzy is a 30-day writing activity just like National Novel Writing Month, where you need to write a 20,000 word screenplay/stageplay in a span of 30 days. startingI was all set to join but I decided not to this year seeing as I have a lot to deal with this June. And that I don’t have any ideas to write. Well I do, but it’s not fully formed, and I can see it more as a novel than a script. So…I guess I’ll be killing that blog for now until further notice. Of course, I could still join it in the middle of the month, and whip out 20k words then, but let’s see how this month goes first. :)

There you go, I haven’t been blogging as much this week because I didn’t want to go over the bandwidth, especially after Noemi already added some to last me until the end of May (Thanks again!). It’s already June here, and a few hours to go with my host, so yay! I hope to have a new theme up by this weekend so I can start focusing on those money-making stuff I will get into this month to start earning for the things I’m saving up for that (unfortunately) my salary cannot cover.

I talk too much. Time for Friday’s Feast!

Friday's Feast

Appetizer
Name something you think is “the best.”

– Aside from being loved by God and my family and friends and being blessed (all those are the best, of course), since we’re talking about Friday’s Feast, I’ll talk about food. Right now I’ll be biased: my chocolate revel bars. It’s the best baked thing I ever made — I could cook one batch of it and it would be gone in a day. :P It’s even better than our family brownies or my chocolate cake (which always bakes like bread, hmph). I want to bake them again this weekend but I’m out of oats. :( But yeah, I scheduled some Apple Crisp cooking this weekend — wish me luck!

Soup
On a scale of 1 to 10 (with 10 highest), how stressed are you today?

– Somewhere around 6, I guess. Work is stressing me, even if there’s really not much to stress over with, unlike late last year where everyday I was stressed over this project. I have a project right now with personal deadlines, and it’s kind of stressing me out.

Salad
What kind of cleanser do you use to wash your face?

– I use Celeteque facial wash. I used to use Pond’s but it made my skin dry, and Cetaphil doesn’t have enough bubbles to make me happy. Celeteque works for me, although it is kind of expensive. I also use the Celeteque facial toner and moisturizer. ;)

Main Course
Tonight is a blue moon! What is something that you believe only happens “once in a blue moon.”

– It is? How come I didn’t see it? Haha. What happens once in a blue moon…Me winning $1M, I guess? :)

Dessert
When was the last time it rained where you live?

– It rained here last Tuesday night. I live in the Philippines, where summer’s giving way to the rainy season. Hay, and I never even went to the beach this summer! :( How sad! But I am sort of liking rain now, but like Riz, it kinda makes me emo too. ^^;

It’s FRIDAY. And I got to work early today, which means early time out! Wohoo! I have 2 1/2 hours till I can goooo! Come on, weekend, let’s go!