day eight.

This is a late post, because yesterday I was rocking out to Paramore. :P More on another post.

I was on my way home last night, thinking about International Women’s Day and feeling happy and empowered about being a woman, when I realized something: My, that post sounded a wee bit cocky.

Yes, this is another one of those “See how I was before and this is how I am now” posts, and yes, this is about my spiritual life again. I’ve gone on and on about how I miss my college life because I was more “spiritual” then, because of my community, and I’ve also gone on and on about how I haven’t been making enough effort to pray, and it’s showing. I realize that my blog posts are another example of that, of how I see to be less…I don’t know, spiritual? Prayerful?

I mean, take my post yesterday. I went on and on and on about how women rock, and how women rule and how cool Kathryn Bigelow is for winning Best Director in the Academy Awards…that’s now. I realized that it sounded a bit cocky and too feminist, and if I were the same prayerful person I was before, I probably would have posted about the Proverbs 31 woman, or maybe being  God Chick. Those kinds of things. I would have written about being a woman after God’s own heart, and all that jazz.

Not that I’m saying that being proud of being a woman isn’t good. Of course it is. But after reading my post again, it just felt too…feminist for me.

Maybe I’m thinking too much.

But then that got me thinking of how I write my posts now. I feel like they’re losing substance, most of them are too shallow, and it’s always about me, me and me. I feel like that’s not the whole point of this blog.

So then what is the point of my blog?

I guess I never really thought about that. Or maybe I did once, but I didn’t focus on it. Refine Me is a personal blog, yes, but it’s not just about me. I hardly blog about how my days went because I don’t think people even bother to read it. I admit: I’m not blogging only for myself, but I’m blogging also for an audience. This may be a personal blog, but it’s not a diary or a journal — that’s where the dailies come in. This blog chronicles the way I see the world, the way I get “refined”. I’m not sure exactly what I should write about there, about refinement, but it must be something more…deep. Right?

Okay, okay, I may be pressuring myself, but it’s a valid question right? It may not seem celebratory, but sometimes some epiphanies, or some self-realizations merit celebrations.

May this post remind me of that question: why am I blogging? What’s the real purpose of this blog? Maybe, if I can get to answer that, I’ll be able to reach more people, and inspire people…in some way. Let’s see.