Two Years Later, How's that Heart?

It’s been exactly two years since I wrote this entry, which has been one of my most read/viewed posts to date. I’ve received lots of comments on that entry, all of which are inspiring and touched me at one point or another, from people I know to strangers who just found my entry online (which is on the third position when you search for singlehood in Google :P).

So now, two years later…how am I? More importantly, how’s my heart?

Yes, that’s everyone’s favorite question. :>

But seriously now. Here’s me, two years after the entry:

  • I’ve learned a lot about relationships, interestingly enough. I got another encounter with crushes, and how crushing they can be. As if I don’t know about that. :P This little post was a fun reminder of how guy are brothers and friends, not prospects! One more time: GUYS ARE BROTHERS AND FRIENDS, NOT PROSPECTS!
  • I valued the romantic pursuit that God has put me into, with Him being my pursuer. :) Bethany Dillon’s song, For My Love, became one of my favorite songs, not because it’s romantic in a boy-girl sense, but because this is a song about heavenly pursuit that God has me in. :)
  • I decided to recall all the “guys” (or…sort of) in my life for my first Godchicks article, and then I realized that I was really content with my singlehood.
  • I’ve decided, a little over a year later from that entry, that I will start taking responsibility over my heart. This decision is actually one of the thrilling rides I’ve been in since last year, and also brought out a lot of things, like this and another one which I will mention a little later.
  • There’s Valentine’s Day 2008, where I learned yet another important lesson which not even the best wrinkle cream can beat. :P After some bit of bitterness over the occasion, I actually had one of the nicest Valentine’s Days I’ve ever had.
  • All the while, my teammates at work and other friends decided to launch a cause for me, where their mission is to find me a boyfriend. Yes, I have my own personal group of people who are throwing guys at me just so I can have someone. Haha. Thing is…they blatantly do it, so sometimes it’s kind of embarrassing…buuut I do appreciate their efforts. Wahaha. ;)
  • Yet, even after all of that…I’m still single. No big surprise there, if ever I am not, I would’ve posted about it loooong ago. :P

I remember having a conversation with my best friend a couple of days back, and we were talking about how we used to deal with stuff like these. There’s her, going out of her way whenever the guy asks her something, always being with him whenever he needs company and basically making herself available for him. Then there’s me, who puts the guy up up in a pedestal once I start liking him, making him all sparkly and “perfect” in my eyes. Whenever he’d do something that really irked me or even hurt, I’d excuse him and say “He’s just like that” and tell myself that it’s unreasonable for me to get mad at him. And there are those expectations that I always deny having, where even if a guy has never spoken of any of his intentions, I read too much into his actions and start having expectations that say, “If he really likes me, he’d do such and such for me”…which, when it doesn’t happen (which is the case more often than not :p), I end up getting hurt.

Now you see why we can be so bitter? :P Anyway, my best friend and I were laughing at how silly we used to be, and how much hurt we’ve caused ourselves in the past. I’d really like to believe I’m more mature now than I was before, regardless of me still being NBSB. Although I haven’t experienced being a girlfriend yet, or breaking up, I’d like to believe I know how to handle myself better than I do before — meaning, I know how to guard my heart better. That’s a good thing, right?

That doesn’t mean I don’t long for things like this — most of the times I still do, especially when I see people or watch TV or movies or read stuff or listen to songs that speak of love. I still wonder about that elusive thing a lot. I joke about it so much with my teammates and friends, and whenever they introduce or tease someone to me, I have to admit that possibilities enter my mind. As cheesy as this sounds, I still ask this question sometimes: “When will it be me?”

Excuse me a bit. *gags*

But if there’s really one important thing I learned in the past two years…is that life is a great adventure. And to be a part of an adventure, you’ve got to work for it. You’ve got to dive, you’ve got to be involved in life. You can’t just sit and wait for things to happen. Things will happen, alright, but some things you have to work for. It’s just like getting the job you want from the company you dream of — you’ve got to apply to the company you want to work for; the job offer won’t just land on your doorstep or your inbox!

Same goes with love, I believe. I used to believe that the whoever it is that God has created for me will just appear in my life and it will be smooth sailing from there. Thinking about that though, it doesn’t make that much sense. Just as everything in life requires hard work, patience and a whole lot of prayer, love also requires as much — probably even more. I figured that if I want to be ready for love and whoever that guy is, I’ve got to get ready for it. I’ve got to do something about it. I’ve got to get out, meet new people and be more sociable. I’ve got to get to know myself better, to learn as much stuff as I can, to learn how to be beautiful inside and out. I’ve got to dive right into life. And most importantly, I’ve got to pray about it. I’ve got to be open with God about the desire, and if it is His will for me, His plan will unfold for me as I do what He asks me to do. And if it’s not His will, then I still wouldn’t be losing anything since I’ve still done what He wants me to do, which is what my real purpose is in the first place.

I know this sounds mighty idealistic and all, but I think this is where we all start. I honestly have no idea on how this would all turn out, but like I said, it’s an adventure! And no one can ever predict how an adventure will turn out. It’s exciting and scary, but I know God is with me every step of the way. Like what I always say, God is faithful and He won’t give me anything my heart can’t handle. :)

I just read through the entire entry and realized that I may have repeated myself a couple of times with the past entries…but consider this entry as a reminder. Mostly for me. But if it serves as a reminder for you as well, then you’re reminded. ;) Let’s see where this goes shall we? Who knows, someone might join me in this adventure soon enough. ;) Only God knows. :D

Dive! Here’s to my heart’s adventure. :)

11 thoughts on “Two Years Later, How's that Heart?”

  1. I can relate to what you wrote about your conversation with your bestfriend.
    I’m in a way like your bestfriend, going out of my way for the guy..and like you I put a guy to a pedestal when I start liking him. I’ve been weak in guarding my heart alot of times, producing bleeding heartaches.
    I agree with you, “God is faithful and He won’t give me anything my heart can’t handle.”When I really finally accepted Christ and that fact, I realized how important it is to guard my heart. Being into a relationship isn’t just like buying a shoes because you like’s more than that.

    Lets have a toast to being single!
    Cheers! = p

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