Tag: 2013

Pick Your Battles

Tina 2 Comments

Two weeks ago, I went on a week-long trip to Guam for our dad’s birthday. It’s the first long trip I’ve had since Europe in 2011, and packing for a trip that long is a little bit of a challenge. But since I had nothing to do that weekend (aside from the fact that there was a typhoon), and in an effort to get more organized with my packing and reduce pre-trip stress, I made a list early Saturday morning of all the things that I need to bring for my trip.

It worked, sort of. I was able to finish packing most of my things that night, and then I had little stuff to worry about by Sunday. But for some reason, my bag seemed to be a little heavier than I expected. Perhaps I over packed? But I didn’t think about it much, because hey, what if I need to wear a dress sometime that week? I was planning to go for a run everyday while I was in Guam, so I need to bring work out clothes. And then, since I was bringing a dress, I would need shoes, right? Oh, and I can’t always wear flats, so I need sneakers, too.

My luggage was well below the allowance, so I figured it’s all good. Maybe it’s just my bag that’s making things a little heavier. Either way, I was ready to go.  And I didn’t even stress over any of my stuff.

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I was writing my review of Allison Vesterfelt’s Packing Light: Thoughts on Living a Life with Less Baggage the other day on my book blog when I had a little epiphany of sorts. Her book was all about baggage, and what it does to us, and why we need to let go. Why packing light is a good thing because it makes the journey just a little easier. Not a lot, mind you, but a little. You don’t need too much stuff when you go on a trip, really. Just the essentials. It’s just that sometimes, we mistake the non-essentials for the essentials, because we can’t help but think: What if I need this? I’m pretty sure I’d wear this at some point. I really need three shoes for this.  Or, how we always need to have extras for emergencies, even if that emergency is always so far off. We just want to have options, really, so it would be easier to make a decision because we have a lot to choose from. There’s something safe about having options, right?

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But what if being safe hinders you from enjoying your journey?

Options make decisions really hard and really messy.
– Packing Light by Allison Vesterfelt, p. 72

And then I thought of those little lessons I’ve been learning in the past months, especially after I got back from Singapore. I wondered if that thing about packing light also applies to that, too.

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Stories to Tell: It Breaks Just the Same

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Stories to Tell

Stories to Tell is a blog series where I invite guest bloggers to share share their story.
I think stories are wonderful things, and we all have our own stories to tell.
It is my hope that in sharing these stories, we will remember that we are never alone.

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My third guest blogger is another friend who wishes to remain anonymous. Her story is timely because of what I posted last week, and because I think we’ve all been there at some point. I’m glad to say that she’s one of my core people, too, and I am glad for that. Thank you so much for sharing your story. :)

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I lost track of H, I can’t even remember when I thought of asking her out for coffee just to catch up. It never happened, the catching up. But something caught me: relief. Can you imagine?

H and I were buddies since freshman year. We were opposites then. Now? Those opposites will no longer attract each other. H got married without telling our circle of friends, even me. It was the most tangible sign that I had, to simply admit that yes, H and I have fallen apart. I don’t hate her, but I was already indifferent.

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J worked abroad for the past three years, and each year he went home to Manila. Not once did we meet. He always tells me that we’ll meet when he get back. If a friend breaks a promise, is it as good as “No, thank you. Don’t bother showing up anymore, because you suck”? For me, it was. Never mind that he came and went, leaving me hanging, waiting, begging (?) that he spare me a couple of hours, because he is my guy best friend since college. The feeling that someone I valued so much (like him) can casually brush me aside (like that) – it was decapitating.

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Core People

Tina 2 Comments

corepeople“Here’s something I realized,” G said, as we sat under that red umbrella, soon after the fan and the lights were turned off. It was late — way later than I expected to be up on my first night back at this country. I wanted to be in bed earlier for the long day tomorrow, but it was the only time we would be with R while I was there. In times like this, I learned that you must sacrifice sleep for things that may never happen again. So we sat there, the night dark and humid around us, with bottles of beer in front of us going along with our discussions. Over at the other bar, the band that was playing earlier had started packing up, and all we can hear were the noise of the people talking, laughing and drinking the night away.

“I realized that you don’t need to be friends with everyone,” she continued. I nodded slowly as I took a sip from my beer. “You just need a some people, outside of your family. I mean, you can be chatty and chummy with everyone you meet, but you only really need a core group of people. The ones I know and who know me and the ones I trust. And with them, I’ll be okay.”

“They’re the people you can run to anytime and won’t judge you.”

She smiled at me. “Exactly. And you won’t judge them, too. They’re the ones you would keep for life. The friendships you will put a lot of effort on.”

“The ones you’d call at three in the morning in the middle of a breakdown, or the ones you’d call first to celebrate with good news.”

“There’s one you’d call for financial advice, and another for love advice. And maybe another one when you have a stupid decision to do and they’ll remind you of the things you don’t need to do.”

“And they’d cry with you too. Or just let you cry until you’re all out.”

“Then they’d find a way to make you stop crying and make you laugh again.”

We laughed at this, because it was true.

“And they’ll be the first ones to tell you that you will be okay, even if you feel the furthest away from it.”

R, who sat on the other side of me, smiled. “My psych friend from college said that people don’t always need counselors or psychologists to help them feel better. Sometimes, all you need to make you feel better is a good set of friends.”

We sat in silence for a while as we let the words sink in. It was dark and humid, and the fan that whirred over our heads earlier that made us choose that table among the many tables in the bar had long been turned off. There were empty bottles of beer in front of us, some cigarettes (for them) and other knick-knacks (for me) from the day-long tour. It was so late into the night that it’s already considered early, and I was tired but also not so much. I sat there, thinking and feeling and being, and in a place 2,391.81 kilometers away from home, I smiled. Because I know, without a shadow of a doubt, that I already have my core people.

* * *

Good friendships are like breakfast. You think you’re too busy to eat breakfast, but then you find yourself exhausted and cranky halfway through the day, and discover that your attempt to save time totally backfired. In the same way, you can try to go it alone because you don’t have time or because your house is too messy to have people over, or because making new friends is like the very worst parts of dating. But halfway through a hard day or a hard week, you’ll realize in a flash that you’re breathtakingly lonely, and that the Christmas cards aren’t much company. Get up, make a phone call, buy a cheap ticket, open your front door.

Because there really is nothing like good friends, like the sounds of their laughter and the tones of their voices and the things they teach us in the quietest, smallest moments.

– Bittersweet: Thoughts on Change, Grace, and Learning the Hard Way by Shauna Niequist