100days

One Hundred Days

Not to freak you out guys…but if I counted it correctly, we only have 100 days left in 2014. 

Okay, never mind, you can freak out now.

So in the past days since my last post, I had been working (not new), working on releasing something (eeee), been to Pangasinan and almost got caught in the middle of a typhoon on the way home, and got stuck at home for a weekend because of another typhoon, effectively missing a wedding because of all the floods. If I hadn’t been paying attention to Twitter, I wouldn’t have realized that there are 100 days left because somehow, my days just seem to blend into each other. Sometimes I even forget what happened at a certain day because other things get in the way.

I don’t want that.

I don’t want the next few days in the rest of the year to just blend into one another, for me to forget the things that happen in everyday. I don’t want to be so consumed with work, with being busy, being worrying about work and being busy that I forget the essential things. You know, the things that bring joy, the things that make me choose joy. Take delight.

It’s just 100 days left. Soon, it will be 1.

One of the things I learned in the past years is intentionality, and with that comes mindfulness. I want to make the last 100 days of 2014 to count, and for that to happen, I need to take it one intentional and mindful day at a time. I know that there will be moments that will fall into the cracks, that will get lost in the busy-ness of the days, but I don’t want them to just be forgotten.

So this is the plan: remember that #100happydays challenge? Well, I enjoyed that so much the first time, so I thought, why not another round? Except maybe I won’t use that hash tag anymore but stick to my own. I will still post photos in my instagram account, but maybe not all of them will be photos. I’m not entirely sure yet.

But I do know that I want to count down the last days of 2014 recalling at least one blessing in a day. I want my 2014 to end with me learning and relearning to choose joy, and to take delight.

Because…Joy is a choice to believe God when He calls what He has made very good, and a choice to draw near to that very good world in its ache and terror and sadness.

Are you with me? :) Happy last 100 days of 2014, friends!

* Image 1 and Image 2 (combined from we heart it

mamamary

Ave Maria

I think it was around January when a friend mentioned something about this Marian retreat she did that “totally changed her life.” I thought at first that it was the the actual retreat, where you go somewhere to be away and to listen to talks. But it was just a little book: 33 Days to Morning Glory by Fr. Michael Gaitley. You read a chapter a day, and at the end of 33 days, there’s  a consecration prayer, and voila!

“Get ready for miracles!” she said, her eyes sparkling excitedly.

I don’t have a strong devotion to Mary. I mean, I know her, I believe in her and I honor her. There was one Lent where I prayed the rosary everyday as a part of my Lenten prayers, but come Easter, I stopped. I only really pray the rosary when I have to – like when we pray it in the family – or when I was really, really afraid (or heartbroken).

I don’t mean to be so flippant. I think my not having a devotion is not because I don’t believe in her intercession, but because I didn’t understand her – her role, what she can do, and why she’s important. I thought I could grow in my Catholic faith without her. But after I heard my friend talk about Mama Mary and the retreat, I decided to get myself a copy of that book. After all, what she said made sense — who else can teach us how to love Jesus than His very human mom? There’s nothing to lose, anyway, and I have to admit, the miracles thing got me curious. What kind of miracles, really?

And as if it was a sign, the 33 Days book arrived at home in less than two weeks after I ordered it online, way early than when my Book Depository orders usually come, and just in time for me to start the retreat on the next recommended date.

Again, what do I have to lose, right?

At the end of my 33 days retreat, the day I finished the book, I wrote this:

I was trying to think of ways to review this book, because 33 Days to Morning Glory didn’t feel like the regular book I would review. For one thing, I never thought I’d actually do this until a friend told me about this retreat. Another is that how can I find the words to explain how reading this in the past 33 days have changed me, helped me get to know Mary and her role in my life through St. Louis de Montfort, St. Maximilian Kolbe, Blessed Mother Teresa, and Blessed John Paul II?

Let me say this instead, because this is the only thing I could think of now: there were miracles, big and small in the past 33 days that I could only attribute to the fact that I knew Mary was praying with me. There were crosses that were made sweeter, and I know that if I had encountered them on my own, it would have crushed me. But having Mama Mary by my side made it different, easier, even. She held my hand and stood by me as we looked at Jesus at the Cross, and taught me how to accept His love and to love Him back. Who else could teach us how to love Jesus with our human heart other than Mary, his mother? I don’t know why it took me this long, but I’m glad I got here now.

I woke up excited this morning, because I remembered that it was 25th of March. Today is the Solemnity of the Annunciation, where we remember how Mary said the most beautiful “Yes” to the Lord, and through the Holy Spirit, she conceived Jesus. Today, like her, I also say yes to God — I consecrate myself to Jesus through Mary. :)

So how has it been, ever since I said “Yes” and was consecrated? I wish I could say it’s completely wonderful and all is good and dandy, but the truth is, it’s not. It’s hard. And sometimes frustrating. Sometimes I still feel sad, and lonely, and I still say and do bad things. Things go my way sometimes, but sometimes they don’t. I still get tired, and there were days when I just want to lie down in bed and do nothing.

In short, life is still pretty much the same, with all the happiness and difficulties that comes with it.

But it’s also not the same. Because there is something nice in knowing that someone is praying for me. You know how good it feels when you know that your friends have you in their prayers? It’s like that, but still more. There is a certain grace in knowing that the Mother of God is praying for me, and she wishes to bring me closer to her Son, if only I let her.

Perhaps if there was a biggest miracle that had happened in the past months since I embarked on the 33-day journey, it’s this: two years ago, the 25th of March was a significant date for me, one that is connected to the circumstances that led to this post. I counted every 25th as a celebration of sorts, and when it can no longer be significant, I had to stop counting. And it’s not easy to stop counting.

As I woke up on the last day of my 33-day Marian consecration journey, I realized with a start that my consecration date fell on the Solemnity of the Annunciation – March 25. I had to laugh when I realized what it all means. I’m sure it’s no coincidence now that the book arrived at the right time, so that my consecration date was on the 25th. I’m pretty sure Mama Mary had something to do with it. :)

#100happydays Day 53: Today, we celebrate the "yes" that truly mattered. Happy Solemnity of the Annunciation! 🙏 And happy consecration day to me. :) To Jesus, through Mary. 💙

It hasn’t been easy, but it also hasn’t been completely hard, either. Like what I wrote up there, the crosses are still the same but they are made sweeter because Mama Mary is there, and she’s holding my hand, and she wants me to be closer to her Son. It’s been full of grace, and joy, too, and I do not want to have it any other way than this.

Happy birthday, Mama Mary! ♥ Thank you for always praying for me, for us. Thank you for your motherly love. Thank you for saying yes to God. :) I love you!

take delight

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