I Am…

day twenty-nine.

It’s just ironic that on the second to last day of this challenge, I run out of things to write about…again.

Sigh.

So I guess I’ll just ramble on today and hope I somehow make sense. I would have answered some questions…but there were no new questions. :( Sadness.

Ever since I got hooked on The Doctors (Travis Stork! ♥), I started watching more and more Lifestyle Channel. I don’t know why, but I’m suddenly interested in watching cooking shows and makeovers and health shows and redesign shows (with plans done in color printing), and these are the things my mom used to watch a lot. Funny, I used to spend so much time watching Nickelodeon, then Disney Channel, now I’m more of Lifestyle Channel (and AXN) — does this mean I’m getting older?

Anyway, one of the shows I like watching there whenever I get the chance to watch it, is Style by Jury. This is another one of those makeover shows where they pick someone to give a whole new image to. The subject is exposed to a jury, who gives their first impressions. Then the subject is made to go through a series of makeovers and then a week later, they are exposed to another jury who gives their first impressions on the newly made up subject.

The thing I like so much about this show is that it doesn’t focus only on the outside, but also on the inside. They bring the subjects to a counselor, to work on their issues and insecurities and to help them deal with all their baggage. It feels kind of far-fetched that they’d feel okay about themselves within a week…then again if you have to go through a full makeover in a week, it’s got to be so overwhelming that you’d be forced to deal with things.

Anyway. In one episode, the counselor made the subject do an exercise where she would write down her good qualities and then screaming them out to the world as she climbed this hill. In a way, speaking it out affirms her of her good qualities and it made her feel good about herself. I guess saying it out for the whole world to hear is therapeutic…just like how writing it out or declaring something out loud for the whole world to read/hear makes you believe it’s true.

So…let’s try that exercise. If I were that girl, what would be the things I would write on my boards  and shout for the whole world to hear?

  • I am a good writer. Contrary to all my blogging and my declarations for my love of writing, I am actually quite insecure about my writing. I always feel that I can’t write as good as other people do — I’m no grammar guru, I don’t have a vocabulary as extensive as other people and I feel like all my ideas are rehash of other people’s. But other people I know tell me I am…so I guess that counts for something. Wait, let me correct that — it must count for something. And no one’s perfect anyway. :P So yeah…I am a good writer!
  • I am creative. I always use this adjective as a part of my resume (well, since the last time I used it…a year ago), and sometimes I feel like I lack the creative juices that everyone else around me seems to be overflowing with. But I did manage to come up with all these announcements…plus I do have a lot of good ideas every now and then. I’m sure I just have a different kind of creativity.  But I am creative!
  • I am a good friend. I’ve talked a lot — sometimes too much — on how sometimes I can be such a lousy friend because I fail to keep in touch and all. I feel like such a lousy friend too when I feel like going MIA. But I’d like to believe that I can be a good friend, that even if I am not always, always present physically, I do think of my friends and they are important to me and they matter to me. I try my best, really, I do. I am a good friend!
  • I am a good sister. I am my brother’s only sister, and even if we have had a lot of fights and stuff when we were younger, we’re a lot closer now, and I couldn’t have wished for a better brother. I may not be the perfect sister, but I try to be a good one. I am a good sister. :)
  • I am a good daughter. I know I’m not the perfect daughter, and I’ve lost my patience one too many with my family, especially with my mom. I try to be good, though, one who deserves the kind of parents I have. I may, act like a brat a lot of times and I don’t do the right thing at home most of the time, but I’d like to believe that I still bring joy to my parents as their daughter. I am a good daughter. :)
  • I am worth waiting for. Yeah, yeah, this is a bit too abstract and yes it points to the same aspect of my life that I have not reached until now. But I’d like to believe that even if I haven’t really fallen in love or been in love or anything, it’s because it’s worth waiting for. Ergo, I am worth waiting for. I’ve waited this long, and as cheesy as this may sound…true love waits. ;) I am worth waiting (and let me just add — fighting) for.
  • I am beautiful. I never put much emphasis on physical appearance, except maybe for health issues (which is why losing weight is important for me). I never thought of myself as pretty, really. Maybe cute, but never the head-turner type. I’ve always stayed in the background and I never really thought myself as someone who is beautiful because I was never one who’d attract people in a snap of a finger. But that’s superficial beauty. In the past years, I’ve been learning a different kind of beauty, one that encompasses more than just skin and hair and figure, and it’s very, very liberating. :) For that, I say it out loud: I am beautiful.

Now that felt good. I want to do the exact same thing again, only, I want to scream all this out loud. Preferably on the beach or something. Soon?

One last thing! A little while ago, I was watching The Mentalist, after a case has been solved, Patrick Jane, said something to the daughter of the victim: Be good to yourself. That’s a good advice, don’t you think? Sometimes I think we focus too much on doing and being good to other people that we forget to do and be good to ourselves.

So as I end this post and be one post closer to the end of this challenge, I leave you with the same words of wisdom: be good to yourself. :) Have a great Tuesday everyone. :)