Thick-Skinned

Today I didn’t get to do what I wanted to do: go home as early as I want to, go boxing, spend nothing for dinner, and rest without going online because I am sore with boxing. You know why? All because of the rain. :| Boo. And my rubber shoes suddenly breaking down. Double boo.

Oh well. Boxing on Saturday then.

Today was a quiet day. I was mostly working on the backlog of requests that we had for the past few days because of our system migration (haha I missed saying this), and it’s really a big test of patience to work on them because of some bugs that are still in the system. Interestingly, I got to make a bit more work, but it’s far from over. We still have a ton of backlog to work through, and hopefully the system shaping up so we can get used to using it and we can get all these work out of the way.

Anyway, other than the normal work, I realized today that I’m not as mature as I thought I was. I think I may have posted something related to this before, but anyway. It just hit me again that…well, I’m a work in progress. And I know there’s nothing wrong with that, but truth be told, my ego stings a little. I guess, deep inside, I really liked my being “old” for my age. It gives me a certain…I don’t know, edge, or maturity over other people who act their age. Of course, it’s also tiring to be like that, but I’ve been so used to it that wherever I am, whoever I meet, I’ve always automatically assumed the role of being “the mature one.” The older sister. The leader, if we may use the term.

Today I learned a few things that kind of stung a bit. It definitely hit my ego, which is why I feel a teensy bit crummy right now. But I’ve got to remind myself that these things are good for me. The things I learned are the things I need to know for me to improve. It wasn’t given to me to make me feel bad but to make myself better. I’ve got to remember that, because if not, the crummy side will take over and I’ll take all of this personally when really, I shouldn’t.

A friend once told me that as we grow up, we’ve got to get thicker skin, the kind that can take “beatings” without batting an eyelash (wait did I use the right words?). The one where you don’t get affected by the smallest things. I realized today that I’m far from that. I may seem like I’m not but that’s only because of the defense mechanism I have.

Grow up, Tina. Be a better person. Be stronger. Face this, accept this with open arms and learn from this.

Hay, growing up can be so hard, yes? It’s not justĀ budgeting and planning, but a whole lot more. Sigh. Give me the grace I need, Lord.