Tag Archives: Dear Diary

Polar Opposites

I’m noticing a pattern in the past few days.

Image from sxc.huLast Monday, I was talking to some friends on chat, and I find out the following:

  • One friend is now happily in a relationship
  • One friend is nursing a broken heart
  • Another friend found out something not so nice about the guy she’s dating

Today, I found out:

  • A friend gave birth to her first baby last weekend
  • A friend’s dad passed away yesterday

Talk about polar opposites. And all during the Christmas season.

Things like this baffle me. Sometimes I wish there was something we can do to stop bad things from happening at this time of the year, because let’s face it: who wants to experience death and broken hearts at this time of the year when people are supposed to celebrate? Can’t it be in any other time of the year?

But who wants to welcome bad things at any other time of the year, though?

And…how can we appreciate the good if it not for the bad?

Life and death. Happiness and sadness. All together in one cycle…does this mean one cannot be there without the other?

Ah well. Thoughts all over the place again. Sometimes I want to contain them all in a metal building, just so they won’t run all over the place in the middle of the work week.

Forgive me for this word vomit. I’ll try to post something more coherent next time.


Of course I can’t let this day pass without blogging.

The past few days have been grueling for me, with lack of sleep, family errands and work stress all coming down on me all at the same time. I have never felt so tired, so giddy, so pissed and so stressed in one week, so much that I wanted to cry as Friday ends. I’ve been trying not to make it such a big deal and not stress over stuff, but sometimes you just can’t help but feel it.

Suffice to say that I’m sort of dreading tomorrow because I do not want to be stressed again. At least, not in the same level as I was last Friday. I mean, I’m all for taking responsibility, but don’t you hate it when you have to take responsibility for other things other people committed to do when you weren’t even involved in it in the first place? And you’re put into tremendous pressure because no one else can pick up the slack? UGH. Seriously, give me a break.

BUT. I must stop. No more stressing out.

I wanted to write something fun about 10.10.10..but honestly, I’m out. I’m sort of just waiting for this year to end, which kind of sucks because that’s not how it’s supposed to be. I should be enjoying 2010, I should be thankful because on the overall, it’s not such a bad year. I think I’m just resisting the changes coming, somewhat, or maybe I’ve bitten off more than I can really chew and I’m close to choking.

I really, really hope not.

Let’s see. What are the other stuff that’s coming up anyway?

  • Brother’s wedding
  • Adidas King of the Road
  • NaNoWriMo 2010
  • Runrio leg 3
  • Christmas

Why does it feel like I’m running out of time again?

I’m pretty sure I need to take a step back and figure out what else I can set to accomplish before this year ends. I’m sure I won’t meet all my goals anymore, but I sure want to say that I tried meeting some of them. I need to stop being chicken (about driving  — learning about car insurance quotes included — and getting checked up), to stop being lazy (writing, baking, getting to my ideal weight). I need to start doing something…I don’t know, worthwhile?

Yes, I’m having a growing up crisis today. Oh hormones, would this be you? Please be you.

I think one of the important things I’ve learned — or I’m starting to learn — lately is to stop sweating the small stuff. I musn’t stress over the things I can’t really control, or stress over the things that I shouldn’t really be stressing about. And I have a feeling I’m doing that now with this semi-growing-up crisis I’m having.

Focus. Focus. And prayer. I haven’t been praying for a while now. Must get back. There is no excuse for me not to pray. I’m not holding my end of the relationship well — I’m sorry, God.

Okay breathe. That’s it. It will be okay. By God’s grace, I’ll be okay, and I’ll snap out of this funk and I’ll be able to enjoy the good stress that my life brings and enjoy it at every moment, no matter what.

Dear Jesus, please be with me. I know I haven’t been the best daughter lately, I’m sorry. Please help me get back on track.

10.10.10 seems like a good place and time to start.

Be Strong and Take Heart

The worst time to feel lonely and unwanted and left behind is when a girl has her period. Agree?

I do. Because I’m feeling that right now. :(

I’d rather not divulge any specific details because it’s too personal, but yes, I’m lonely right now. My heart is not still, I’m afraid, and I’m angry at myself for being selfish and discontented and wanting what others have (or are about to have) when I don’t. I want to be a brat and hide in my shell until all these emotions are gone and I’m over it, and I can go back to my normal, smiling self again.

Bah, hormones! I wish chocolates can easily help me with this but it doesn’t anymore. I wish I could just go for a run but it’s too late already. And no, I’m not interested in medicines, not even something like irvingia gabonensis. I’m sorry, I’m just sad.


So in an effort to pick myself up…I listened to some songs. And I Will Lift My Eyes by Bebo Norman hits just the right spot. Lyrics below, emphasis mine:

I Will Lift My Eyes
Bebo Norman
Album: Between the Dreaming and The Coming True

God, my God, I cry out
Your beloved needs You now
God, be near calm my fear and take my doubt
Your kindness is what pulls me up
Your love is all that draws me in

I will lift my eyes to the Maker
of the mountains I can’t climb
I will lift my eyes to the Calmer
of the oceans raging wild
I will lift my eyes to the Healer
of the hurt I hold inside
I will lift my eyes, lift my eyes to You

God, my God, let mercy sing
her melody over me
and God, right here all I bring
is all of me
Your kindness is what pulls me up
Your love is all that draws me in

‘Cause You are and You were and You will be forever
the Lover I need to save me
‘Cause You fashioned the earth and You hold it together, God
so hold me now

God, my God, I cry out
Your beloved needs You now

Lift your eyes, Tina.

I leave you with this image I got from Tumblr, and find comfort in the verse. Be strong and take heart. Your heart is stronger than mine, Lord.

Be strong and take heart, all you who hope in the Lord.

I’ll be okay. :) But if you can spare a prayer, I’d really appreciate it. :)

Good Things and Good Times

You know what? I think I actually had a pretty good week.

I don’t mean to sound negative with that. I’m really od quite optimistic with the year, but sometimes it’s hard to remember the good things when things go hectic. It’s easy to remember the bad things that happen because they somehow overshadow the good things, like getting good rv breakdown rates or something.

I used to make this list everyday in my journal which I call The Positives. This list contains the positive things that happen within the day, from the simplest (having KFC for dinner, for example), to something really big (passing an exam). Right now I’m feeling the edges of some kind of sadness, which I can probably blame on hormones, so to combat that sadness, I’m going to go through the good things that happened this week. Ready?

  • Getting sick over the weekend had its perks: I got to rest. Having asthma may be a hassle and kind of expensive, but it’s okay because I think I actually had restful sleep this week even if I had to go up and pee every now and then. :)
  • Had a chance to write again. I joined some groups at work where I can make use of my writing skillz. :P It was fun writing and editing stuff again, even if I had no idea if my press release is any good. Oh and someone said, “I like the way she writes.” Thank you. :)
  • I got to work out again! Wednesday was back to work out day. Armed with my inhaler, I did Body Balance and Body Jam and I didn’t wheeze one bit. :)
  • Shakey’s twice this week: one for Jana’s birthday and the next for the team lunch. Awesome. Greasy and fattening, but awesome. :)
  • Oh and despite all the non-work out and the food…I actually lost weight. Okay, I didn’t really lose on my overall weight, but I lost 1lb of body fat, which is good, and gained about 2lbs of muscle…which is also good. Surprising, too.
  • It was my last session with my nutritionist last Thursday and she gave me a lot of good advice on how to continue my progress. New goal: 125lbs by March. Can I do this? I hope so! I’m keeping a food diary on my own and continuing my workouts. I thought I wouldn’t be able to have weigh-ins anymore because I’m not paying for any session, but it turns out I can get weighed in so I know what my body fat is. So yay for this. :)
  • I got to talk to my boss about my rating for 2009…and I am happy about it. I can’t talk about it, but I’m happy about it. Thank You, Lord. :)
  • I found out that a friend passed his NCLEX exam. :) It’s so nice to hear good news from other people, right? Congratulations!
  • I was checking my bank account earlier and noticed that God answered one of my prayers! Now I can pay my bills. :) Thank You again Lord. :)
  • Now I’m talking to my friends from work and the conference is crazy but fun. :) I love these people so much that I’m actually staying up late for them. :D

Tomorrow (or later), I’ll be going to the gym, dance, and will register to my first marathon of the year! Then I’ll meet up with my best friend and watch Legion to celebrate her graduating status. :)

Good times, good times. I have to remember this so I won’t get carried away with all the other not-so-good things that are happening. :) It’s good practice for the soul, me thinks.

Happy weekend everyone! :)

When life tells you to rest, you rest

Getting sick for no reason is a sure sign of something: your body needs rest. I should know; I’m doing that right now.

So yesterday’s allergies became a cough and cold today, with slight wheezing that feels like asthma. I don’t know how allergies turned out to be this way, but maybe it’s also because of the cld? And the stress? And…well, maybe life is just telling me to take it easy today and rest.

This meant no Combat again today…so sad, so sad. I wanted to go out too, because of all the plans that my friends and I have today, and I feel kind of bad to beg off. :( Meds are an option (no, no acne treatments, of course, what use would I have with that now?), but I think my body really needs rest. But it’s okay. Better rest than get even sicker, right? No one wants that.

I should write about my fitness ideas and stuff soon. Maybe even start a blog about it. Who knows?

So what plans today? I will…

  • Eat right. Since I won’t be able to work out, my diet for today is important — no indulging or splurging on things that I can’t burn off anytime soon.
  • Read. I’m starting to get into Persuasion already, and if there’s anything I learned from reading Pride and Prejudice, it’s to keep on reading even just a few pages of the novel everyday so I won’t get lost. So it’s Persuasion day again!
  • Write. Be it my novel or a short piece of fiction for Wordplay, it would be nice to write.
  • Catch up with TV. TV shows galore — I have a bit more to watch for a while, so maybe later?
  • Journal. Yeah, writing again.

I wanted to go shopping today, but it looks like I’d have to skip that for now. Shopping is tiring yo. I can do that over the week, or maybe even next week or something. Right now the first priority is to rest.

At least I have no fever. And no sore throat. My asthma meds are making my hands shake though — hello Ventolin, we meet again.

It’s nice to stay at home for a change, though. I kind of missed this.

* Image credit: sxc.hu


I’m sorry to start this post with negativity, but I just want to let this out:

I hate allergies.

I’m not really a sickly person, at least, not lately. When I was a kid, I used to be sick all the time, and I think that kind of helped me develop some kind of strong immune system. Sort of. I mean, I have a strong stomach and it takes a day before it realizes that I actually have indigestion. I don’t know if that isn’t enough indication of it.

Anyway, I’m not too sickly, and ever since I started working out, I know that I’ve sort of improved, physically. I hardly even get asthma attacks anymore. But there’s one thing that knocks me down faster than I can say salbutamol: allergies.

I’m not too sensitive to food, and the only things I’m really allergic to are shrimps, crabs and other crustaceans (too bad, especially since those are the yummy ones). I know I’m also allergic to mint lip balms, but I don’t ingest that anyway. What I really hate is that I’m allergic to some kind of dust that gets me sniffling in less than five minutes when I get in contact.

I’m not so sure what kind of dust it is, but I always get hit by allergic rhinitis every now and then. We move to a new office? Expect me to have a stuffed nose by the end of the day because of the carpet. Sleeping in a new place? Oh dear, allergies again. Visiting a place with dusty decorations? Sneeze galore! Going to Araneta Coliseum? That, too (I know, that kind of surprised me too). Sometimes, my nose gets stuffed when I eat something I am allergic too. Sometimes I get allergies right before I go to bed, and it’s annoying because I sniffle all night long and I feel like I am waking up every sleeping person around me. :(

Yesterday, my teammates and I went to Bench to check out some clothes, and less than five minutes after we went out, I started sniffling. What’s more annoying is my throat started to hurt, and it’s like a new symptom of these allergies. Whenever my throat hurts, I know it’s a sign that my body’s demanding rest, so I take it easy. I usually start drinking a lot of water, drink lots of tea (ginger and lemon), go for Strepsils or Orofar-L, and gargle with Betadine mouthwash. That usually gives me instant relief, but when it’s caused by allergies, it doesn’t really help.

Like last night. I drank some Celestamine, which should put me to sleep, but I ended up waking up after falling asleep on the couch. Not only do I have a headache, but my throat was burning. Argh. I gargled, then went to bed again, and woke up with a burning throat that I almost wanted to cry. That’s the worst feeling in the world — waking up, swallowing and feeling that burn at the back of your throat that water can’t wash away.

ARGH. Allergies, I hatechoo.

I think I’m slightly better now, but my throat still feels a bit uncomfortable. This means no Body Combat for me tonight to favor rest for this poor throat (technically, I can go Body Combat since I feel strong enough to do so…but rest is important, too). The good thing is, this gives me time to enjoy home-cooked dinner at home (I think we have tinola tonight), and continue reading Persuasion by Jane Austen while drinking hot lemon tea to soothe my throat. And then drink allergy medicines to knock me out tonight and hopefully give me a good night’s sleep.

Rest. Sounds lovely.

Maybe giving me allergies today is  way for God to tell me to take it easy and rest.

What about you guys? What do you do when you get allergies? Or when you’re sick? Share your stories in the comments below. :)

First Week of 2010

It’s been a while since I last posted. I am supposed to be translating some reflections right now, but instead, I’ve been setting up a new blog for the past few hours. Yes, this is me procrastinating. I kind of hate it, but I couldn’t stop it.

So before I go and start translating (yes, I’ll cram it in a bit), let’s see what happened in the past days of 2010.

Wakes and Birthdays.
The first weekend of 2010 had me going to two events that celebrate life: a wake and a birthday party. My teammate’s mom passed away a day before 2010, and it was really a sad thing. I can’t find the words to describe the pain, possibly because I don’t know the pain of losing someone close to me. And I pray that I don’t get to experience it anytime soon. :( The wake taught me, once again, to treasure the people around me, especially the ones I love.

The next day, I went to a surprise birthday party for a friend that we organized. It was a fun, fun, fun party, because the surprise was (almost) complete and we had a grand time screaming like it was the fans day that it was. :) Oh, and my friends and I fell in love with Grimace — look how cute he/she/it is when he/she/it sat down like a purple…well, poop? :)

Grimace! :)
Grimace! :)

After that party, it seemed like everyone will be getting surprise parties this year. Hm, interesting. Would this be the year I’ll get my own surprise? Who knows? Let’s see. :)

Work, work, work
It’s back to work, too, and good thing we don’t have too much work this week, yet. It’s proving to be a very challenging year, though, but it’s going to be fun. :)

Bad moods galore
I experienced the worst kind of mood swing last Tuesday, and until now I still feel ashamed of it. I snapped at a ton of people then, and I didn’t feel like talking to anyone at all. :( I figure it was just hormones, plus lack of sleep…and probably some other stuff, and every girl gets into a mood swing every now and then. I hope it doesn’t happen again, though.

Holiday fats begone!
I was serious in workout again this week because of everything I gained last Christmas. I wasn’t sure if my results were good for the week because I didn’t get to lift weights as much. So I was ready for less than stellar results for last Thursday, but surprise surprise: I lost all my holiday fats. :D My muscle mass went up, so there’s no change in the overall weight, but still! FATS ARE GONE! Wohoo~

Thesismates Reunion

This was us 4 years ago
This was us 4 years ago

Met up with my thesismates last Thursday before Ramie left. It was also the first time I went to Trinoma too — cue loser music here! :P Trinoma was an okay mall, I didn’t get to explore it yet, but I’m sure there are no outdoor fireplaces there. I don’t see the need, anyway.

Spent Thursday night eating and chatting with the three important guys in my school life. :) It was nice to talk to them and catch up and realize that, well, other than being thesismates, we are good friends. It didn’t feel like we haven’t seen each other for more than a year — and I guess that’s real friendship there.

Next big event for us (and for other blockmates, I guess) is *drumroll* Ramie’s wedding! It’s not until the end of this year, but I’m sure it’s going to be one big highlight of the year. :)

RPM, Baby
Earlier today was my second time to do RPM class — cycling class for those who aren’t familiar with the class — and even if I felt like fainting in the middle of the class, I managed to stand up at all parts of the class that needed standing. What a work out. I plan to master that class. :P

One More Page
After much thinking and realizing how much book posts are eating up my space here at my personal blog…I finally decided to set up my own book blog: One More Page. I’ve had a couple of posts inside already, so why not drop by and visit? :)

This blog would mean that there would be less book related posts here…which means I should get posting more…er, personal posts here.

That’s my first week of 2010 so far. I really should start working on my translations already…so I shall end my post here. How has your week been so far?

2009 In Review

Whew, finally.

It’s just like 2009 that I would have a minor argument with my mom last night. And I’m all, Please, give me a break. And then I heard of my teammate’s mom passing away and it’s just…sad. Quit it, 2009.

Maybe it’s silly of me to be blaming it all in the year. A couple of days ago, when I was feeling feverish at work, I kept on muttering, “I hate 2009. I hate 2009.” My teammate asked me why, and I told him a lot of bad things happened in the year, primarily Ondoy. He asked me to name more reasons why 2009 sucked and as I tried to remember my other reasons, I realized that they’re all small things that just happened to converge at the latter part of the year, which made 2009 seem unbearable. I was trying to recall the good things in the year, and even if I still have a hard time remembering anything else that happened before the flood, I know there are a lot of good things in this year despite all the bad things. So now let’s try to remember that.


Blessed be His Name

So that wasn’t so bad.

To those who don’t know, another typhoon hit the Philippines yesterday — the fourth one that came inside the Philippine Area of Responsibility in the span of four/five weeks. Just today, five weeks ago, our house got flooded, and in a way I find it funny that another typhoon just left the country. And I hear there’s more?

But anyway. I have been enjoying good weather for the past few days. Every time I wake up with the sun shining through the window, I feel a huge sense of relief. When news hit that another typhoon was coming in, I couldn’t sit still. I try, but at the back of my mind, I feel so restless, so powerless, and all I could do was just pray.

Okay, maybe not powerless exactly. I just can’t rely on my own power.

Yesterday was kind of funny. I woke up and I heard that there was already a Public Storm Warning Signal # 2 in Metro Manila. And the sun was shining through my window.

For the rest of the day, everyone was confused at the storm signal. By seven in the evening, the storm signal was raised to #3…and there was still no sight of rain or wind. It only started raining around eight in the evening. My mom and brother and I were already planning stuff in case we needed to evacuate again. I stacked my books up my shelf, and then started fixing things in case we have to leave.

In the end, we decided not to leave. We prayed the rosary, and I read myself to sleep, trying to hear if the rain would pour down harder, and to see if we need to go.

But we didn’t. I slept through the winds, woke up with no power and saw later that the sun is shining through the window.

There. That really wasn’t so bad. :)

I want to say that I’m over the trauma of the flood…I pray I am. But I feel victorious over what happened today. Like I’ve passed a major hurdle, and that I’ll be able to face anything else that comes for me after this. Like I’m stronger somehow.

But of course, all by God’s grace. :) Always, always.

Right now life is almost back to normal after yesterday. I’m just waiting for cable to be back, but I can actually live without that. Now I’m back to preparing for NaNoWriMo (which starts tomorrow!!!), and for our first chat tonight (using some kind of live chat software — or not. Hello IRC!). I might even drop by our street’s  Halloween Party tonight.

Thank You Lord, for always being faithful. Blessed be Your Name. :)

Christmas Air

Did you feel it yesterday? And this morning? The air. It’s cold. Not rainy cold, but Christmas cold.

That definitely made my week. :)

It’s been a month today. I’m staying at our house now, and even if I don’t have a bed (or a desk) and my room still needs to be sorted out (as well as all the other clothes), I’m good. I’m starting to get back to the groove of the old things, and I’m learning to let go and trust more now. At least, I think so. :) I think I have found a new devotion to the Rosary, though. How many times have I found that praying the rosary helps me focus on the One bigger than all of this? I’d like to believe that God answered our prayers by sparing the country from Ramil. So thank You.

I still mean to post more thoughts on everything I learned, but right now my mind is being consumed by three things: work, work out and NaNoWriMo. How about that. This is probably why I end up having dark circles under my eyes, because I can’t sleep with everything I’m thinking about! I promise to post about them though. :D

But all is good. :D That Christmas air just assured me that everything will be all right.

So did you feel it?