Tiny Victories

I’ve had several drafts of my first post in April, but I always ended up trashing them because they don’t feel right. Granted, I was also very, very busy for the past few days that I could barely breathe. That, and I was caught in quite a cranky mood and I didn’t feel like posting when I’m in that mood.

Now that I have actually found a little bit of a breather, I find that I am actually incoherent. Then again, I have been writing all day for a work article, so quite frankly, my mental capacity is quite drained. I’m going to try, anyway. With lists, because lists are fun and easy.

But first:

Image from we heart it
Image from we heart it
  • My March ended with quite a bang, though, and it was mostly because of Holy Week and Easter and watching Jars of Clay again after eight years. It felt like the most awesome late birthday gift (among all the other gifts I received), especially since they sang most of my favorites: Tea and Sympathy, Five Candles, and Worlds Apart. It wasn’t a huge party concert that I was expecting, but I really liked the intimate atmosphere of the concert, and the company I had that night. Jars of Clay will always be in my heart. ♥
  • It feels a bit weird going back to my social media profiles now that it’s Easter. I try to not tweet too many nonsense stuff now, but I still often do when I’m bored and all. Not that it’s bad, but it feels like I turn to it when I’m bored, and it eats up a lot of my time when I could be doing something else. Something productive, or at least, would bless other people. So…I’m trying to not be too attached to Twitter. There is more to life than social media, yes?
  • I was cranky this week for several reasons, and it was kind of funny how I finally snapped out of the crankiness. I ranted about this for a while on Twitter, but I didn’t really want to offer any other information — in my attempt to enter the silence and all that. I figure it was the kind of crankiness that I just need to ride out, and you know, wait. The thing was, I had no idea how long I’d be waiting, how long I’d ride it out. Trust me, I wanted to complain so many times. And then…
  • …you know I still feel a little ashamed at how I snapped out of this crankiness. I won’t divulge details anymore, but I find it quite…juvenile And yet, it was interesting. I can’t remember where I heard it or read it, but someone said/wrote that happy people are shallow people. I don’t mean that in a bad way, but you know, happy people see happiness everywhere, and just choose to be happy. I wrote about happiness is a choice here before, and I admit that it’s still hard to really live that because I get so scared of the after. But…didn’t I wish for happiness for my birthday? Or I mean, didn’t I wish for joy? So…I’m going to choose to be joyful.
  • And speaking of waiting…after something happened, the only thing I can think of was: Lord, I know You have a lesson here somewhere. I’m not quite sure yet, but it almost feels like I am back to square one, but also not quite. I can’t quite explain it, and maybe I am not supposed to explain it just yet. I am quite thankful that I waited, though…because that something was so surprising that I can’t help but feel that God is telling me “Aren’t you glad you waited?” Yes, I am, Lord. Yes, I am.1
  • Enough cryptic stuff. This week is the 20th anniversary of my youth community. I came from a reunion of all YFC alumni last night and saw so many familiar faces and felt so nostalgic that I can’t help but reminisce about my years as a Youth for Christ member. I remember my post two years ago about community, and how I miss it and I’m just amazed at how everything has panned out. I won’t be the same person that I am now if I never became a YFC member, just as how I won’t be the same person I am now if I didn’t stay away for a long time and came back again. Thank You, Lord, for the blessing that is CFC Youth for Christ, and CFC Singles for Christ, too. Thank You, Lord, for giving me this home. ♥
  • I’m going to the beach tomorrow with some people at work to surf. Yes, surf. I have no idea how I’ll do, if I will love it, or if I will get wiped out n times…but I am looking forward to it. Here’s to trying new things. (Yes, I promise to try and blog about it.)

Easter is all about victories, and I realized during Easter Sunday mass that even small victories are worth celebrating. After all, Easter didn’t come with too much grandeur. We just know it’s a big thing because hey, Jesus is risen, but it didn’t need all too many flashy stuff to raise its significance. It was a quiet and solemn, and it reminded me that the little things are the ones that really count and are the most beautiful things. So it also follows that small victories would lead to big victories, right? Just like Easter.

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  1. And did you count how many times I wrote “quite” in this paragraph? :P []

Twenty Seven

I turned 27 last Sunday. I’ve been trying to think of what to write about it (because like Valentine’s Day, I can’t not have a post about my birthday), but other than my dog’s passing, I can’t think of any. It’s not that my birthday was quiet or not spectacular — it was, actually. I guess it’s more of, I don’t really know how to start without writing a too long post that I’m pretty sure only I would read.

So let’s ask questions instead (because I’m trying to get out of not wanting to ask questions). I will try not to make this post too long. There will be photos!

Image from we heart it
Image from we heart it

How was your birthday week?

It started with drama. Interesting, right? But it was also a very good learning experience (with tears, natch) that taught me my first lesson in turning 27: be mature. Maturity is a conscious decision;  even if everything inside of me is screaming that I want my way and my way alone, I have to step back and give way. Like what I told someone that night — I have the most terrible sense of entitlement during my favorite month. Most terrible, I tell you, but turning another year older means that I have to start acting my age and compromise. Or if a compromise cannot be reached…then I just have to deal with it. Properly. And apologize if I need to.

But after that drama, everything else was quite…nice. Okay, nice is an understatement. It was all surprising and fun, filled with dinner meet-ups, surprises, books, pie and cake. Oh, and flowers. It was a very nice awesome splendid birthday week. :)

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The Thing About Happiness

Here’s an outrageous theory: I think we’re afraid to be happy.

To be really and truly happy.

A few days after the New Year and posting my 2013 word, I got hit by the usual post-New Year’s quarter-life blues. I was brooding over several things, thinking about things that I want to have and want to achieve in the coming year and then I felt that familiar grip of fear, the one that makes me wonder what the heck do I want to do with my life now, the one that makes me want to curl into a ball and hide and wish that I’m one of those people who gets handed things on a pretty silver platter.

Then I got up, took a deep breath, gathered courage and told myself: Keep calm, it’s only January.

So in the next days, I found myself brooding again, more on the financial side. I was thinking about something that I wanted to get, something that I’ve been meaning to get myself for a while now but never got around to because I prioritized other things over it. Now it felt like the best time to get it, but then maybe it’s not because there’s this big trip I’m planning take this year and it’s either one or the other. So I let it go.

Then the next day, my boss offers me the thing I want, for a lesser price.

And I was all, I can’t believe you’re doing this to me.

It feels like a huge coincidence, someone selling that thing I want just as when I was thinking about it. I didn’t want to get it, because it felt like an impulse buy and I couldn’t possibly afford it given the other plans I have. But it niggled at me. I talked to my brother who told me that it’s too good of a deal to pass up on, and taught me several ways for me to get it. I considered what he said and did some computations, and realized that I may actually afford it. It’s going to be a bit tight, but I can afford it, and it will really be way cheaper than if I get the same thing brand new.

But I didn’t know if I should do it. Like I said, it felt like it was an impulse buy. It felt like I shouldn’t get it. It felt like it’s a test, it’s something that I shouldn’t fall for and getting it would mean I won’t be going to the trip I want to go to after all.

But what if it isn’t? What if this is God’s answer to my prayer?

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