To get yourself a new life you’ve got to give the other one away

Change is happening at work right now, and it has been happening since a few months ago. I’m no stranger to it – I’ve witnessed change happen several times in the course of my career, especially in my previous company, but I guess I wasn’t totally affected by it until my last career shift. Now we’re in the thick of it, and I have a completely different set of responsibilities to handle it now. I’m not directly affected, but I have this responsibility to help in making the change easier for everyone else.

It’s sort of funny, how all these changes at work sort of paralleled the changes happening in my personal life. They weren’t exactly life-shattering changes, but still, they were pretty major, and it shook my otherwise comfortable world. And I didn’t like that.

And it’s also a little funny that sometime a year ago, I was experiencing the same thing – except it was entirely different than it is now.

Let me be a bit cliche here for a minute: change really happens everyday. Our new CEO said that during the first time we met him: who you are at this minute is different from who you were five minutes ago. Sometimes we choose to change, and that makes us (painfully) aware about things, but often times, change is thrust towards us, and we have the choice to be agile and jump in, or be in denial until we have no choice to but to move.

I remember sort of going a bit meta a few weeks back when I sat down to look at all of what’s happening in my life. I remember smiling at how things seem to be unfolding, because really, it’s not so bad. But I’m a creature of comfort – so when I went back down to focus on what’s in front of me, I resisted, again. 

I think what scares me – and everyone else, for sure – about changes happening is how it has the tendency to leave us uprooted. I felt like I was losing so many things that I have painstakingly built, everything and everyone that I had invested in because of these changes, and of course I didn’t want that. I deserve these things, I thought. These are mine. I felt – at least, as far as those personal changes were concerned – that I was floating up, up, and away, and I didn’t know where I will end up. I’ve got half the mind to just allow that to happen to me – to go with the flow, so to speak – and see where it will take me.


The last time I felt uprooted like this was almost two years ago, and it was terrifying in a lot of ways. Looking back at all that, I realized that while there was uprooting, I didn’t exactly float aimlessly. In fact, it was the opposite: I had simply changed direction and I was firmly in the middle of God’s plan.

I am not aimless. It felt like it was, because I didn’t know what was going to happen. But it was never aimless. It might not even be floating, actually. God has me firmly in His hands, and even in the midst of this changes, He has never let me out of His sight.

You know what? Maybe it’s not even really uprooting. I think that I am still rooted – deep in His love, as He had intended it to be. But I think that the changes that came in my life recently – both personal and professional – is some sort of pruning. It’s painful (because hello, you don’t prune without scissors and cutting something), but it’s necessary. Because if you don’t prune, then how will it grow?

I was never aimless.

True, sometimes things at work feel a bit shaky sometimes, and frankly sometimes I still don’t know what to do. But like what my manager tells me, I can take all these by the hands and make deliberate steps to push myself forward. And I believe God is telling me the same thing: after this moment of pruning, I have the ability to move forward and grow, trusting fully in Him who had stitched me together with His love. :)


2014 Mixtape

So I meant to write this annual mix tape post last 12-13-14, but again, work and other things ate up my time. That has been my constant excuse in the latter half of the year, but I hope that that will change as the year turns. Since I do not want to break tradition, I told myself I’d write a post during the holiday break, so I wrote some songs in my notebook…

…and found that I actually had a hard time filling up the 14 slots for this year.

It’s not that I had so many songs. It’s really more that I didn’t really have a lot of songs to choose from because I realized that I didn’t listen to so many songs this year because I was so busy. Too busy.

So annoying.

But I still made it, anyway – much thanks to my account for keeping track of all my music. Then I realized how different this year’s mixtape will be from 2013 and 2012…but it’s okay. It’s the good kind of different. :) I’ve been thinking of putting one together for my father for his birthday. Last year I got him some cool gadgets and he was really happy, CLICK HERE to see where I got them. Still working on his mix tape though, but may post it later this week!

1. Delight by Robin Nievera

[youtube YLHrxHfzFdM]

Things could change or rearrange
But I will delight in Your song

I wanted to include this in my half-year soundtrack, but I realized this fits better at the end of the year because the title of the song is my word of the year. :) I heard this during the Jars of Clay concert last year and I liked it a lot, and I listened to it over and over again back then, especially during the hard moments. I realized that I didn’t really listen to this recently, so I played it again as I was writing this and I smiled because yeah, I will delight in Your song. :)

2. Sink My Feet by Jillian Edwards

[youtube 5VgXiFKwJ3E]

I wanna sink my feet down in security
Unmoved by changing tides and
Shadow shifting lines
Then I’d see the stars, see the sun
And I’d see all that has been done

This song, like Audrey Assad’s Good to Me, came at the right time this year. It was the time when I was experiencing several changes in my life, coming from the things that happened in the previous year. There were so many things at this time in this year that was hard that I knew all I had to do was to sink my feet in His grace, because of all that He has done. :) This song still calms me down whenever I hear it.

Read More

2013 Mixtape

You know that I don’t actually really make mix tapes, or recorded one in my life, ever? I mean the actual cassette tapes, because I made mix CDs as gifts to friends (and crushes), because it was fun and I was one of the first few who had CD burner before every household that had a computer had it. I remember making this a Valentine’s Day playlist in college (ooh, idea for next year) and gave it to several friends because why can’t I give a gift to my friends on Valentine’s Day?

While I haven’t made mix CDs / tapes for other people, I still make playlists for myself. Like I mentioned in previous related posts, you can tell my mood mostly from the music I listen to (or the lyrics I tweet).

So for my first 2013 recap, I present you my soundtrack for 2013. 13 songs for 2013, songs that aren’t included in the “EP” I listed earlier this year. :D

Warning: #feels all over.

(But perhaps not the kind of feels you are expecting.)

Image source
Image source

1. Start With Meby Meredith Andrews (Worth It All)

[youtube b4izl8DjGHQ]

My life is an empty cup
Fill it up, fill it up!
I wanna hear every rescued heart cry
You’re enough, You’re enough!
Break what needs breaking
‘Til You’re all we see
And start with me, start with me, yeah

I heard this song in one Boundless podcast and immediately bought it. I think it was one of those nights at work when I had a hard time sitting still, and this song helped me be still in so many ways. This also became my Lent song.

2. Not With Hasteby Mumford & Sons (Babel)

[youtube jIKE2_ZoUFE]

And I will love with urgency but not with haste

Funny thing: when I first tried to listen to a Mumford & Sons song during one road trip, I didn’t like them that much because I didn’t really like their sounds. And then, my favorite adopted brother gave me this song for my 27th birthday, and I learned to listen to their lyrics…and well, wow. That’s all I can say: wow.

Read More