No More What-If's

day twenty-eight.

You know what’s one of the worst questions to ask right after you made a decision that you can’t back out of?

What if.

There is nothing more annoying/saddening than wondering what things could have been if you had chosen another path, or made another decision, or didn’t make a choice at all. What if I didn’t accept this job and look for another, would I be happier? What if I didn’t say this thing, would we have avoided the fight? What if I didn’t take this appetite suppressant, would I have been less sick now? What if there was really something that could have happened between us…maybe I shouldn’t let go?

Ah life, with all it’s uncertainties. It’s really enough to drive a person insane.

Why did I bring this up? Let’s just say…I have some questions. Or had them. They weren’t very big, those questions, but they’re enough to disrupt the peace that I long to keep in that particular aspect of my life. Sorry, I mean to elaborate, but I don’t want to divulge everything because it’s not really something to be blogged about for the entire world to read. Let’s just say they were questions that I didn’t mean to ask, but ended up asking because of what was happening, but now it feels like I’ll never find the answer. Or I won’t know the answer just yet, and I’m made to wait again.

It’s okay, really. I’m okay. Strangely, the same thing happened to me before and I was more devastated then. I wasn’t a wreck, but it definitely saddened me, and it took me a while before I could recover. This time…I guess being wary about things helped, and of course, I have a very great group of friends who listened to me…and now, I think I bounced back faster.

But you know something else?

I’d like to believe that God is bigger than any of my questions. There’s something humbling about choosing to stop asking “what if?” and just moving on. I’d like to believe that when I choose to stop questioning this step I took, it’s also a way for me to let go of the situation, hand it to God and let Him do the work instead of me. After all, He is infinitely wiser than I am. :)

So…yup, no more what’ ifs. :) Starting today, I’m going to stop asking. I’ll just trust that this is a part of His will. :)