day eighteen.

So now that the birthday celebrations and posts are over…time to go back to normal circulation.

I’m ashamed to admit it, but lately I’ve been feeling schadenfreude. Yeah, I just used a big word and quoted Avenue Q at the same time. I feel mean when I think about it, but don’t you also get that relieved feeling when you hear of sad stories from other people about their lives, the ones that make you think or say to yourself, “Thank God it’s not me.”

Yeah, I feel that. I’m sorry if it’s mean, or it’s very selfish. But admit it — I’m sure you get that same feeling too.

It’s not that I don’t sympathize or empathize…I do. I feel their pain, or sometimes I try to, and I feel bad for them and I want to help them solve their problems and be there for them and all. I don’t laugh at their problems, or belittle them.

But…I do have this feeling that “I’m glad I’m not in your shoes.” You know?

Gosh, I feel like such a bad person now. :(

Okay, maybe we can look at this in another way: hearing about what other people are going through makes me thankful of what I have, or what I don’t have.

Like appreciating what we had after the flood when I saw that other people lost more than we did.

Like thanking God for my family even if sometimes we get on each others’ nerves when other people don’t even speak to their brothers or sisters or mothers or fathers.

Like realizing that my singlehood worries are petty as compared to the people who are having rocky relationships or to those who just came from break-ups.

Maybe this is all an exercise in perspective. You could think I’m being selfish, or arrogant or whatnot, but you may also think that I’m struggling to set my thoughts straight to something more loving.

What do you think?