Remember back in elementary, whenever the teacher goes out of class, or whenever there’s a spare period, he/she would always assign someone to take note of who are the noisy while the teacher was away? There’s nothing that could probably frighten an elementary student than seeing his name on the board under the big heading of NOISY (and, okay, sometimes STANDING too, because we’re not supposed to do some unnecessary standing while there’s no teacher…and who could forget Not In Proper Seat or NIPS? Memories!). In my experience there are several ways to avoid being listed:
- When you are really good and do not make any noise/stand/go out of your seat;
- Pass notes instead of talking;
- Be a really good lip reader or learn sign languages;
- Be really good friends with the person listing the names to ensure that he/she doesn’t list you (now you know where corruption starts, pfft); or
- Be the person listing the names.
I remember that being the lister was the most coveted position in the class, even more than being class president (because in our school, the class president doesn’t always handle the discipline of the class). I remember praying that I was picked to be the person assigned for the day because I love being able to stand in front and watch each and every one of my classmates squirm under my gaze. Okay, that was bad. Seriously, I want to be the lister because it gives me an excuse not to list myself, you know? Not that I had a problem keeping my mouth shut if I wasn’t, but I never knew if a small whisper can be counted as “noisy” or not. You know? Sometime around Grade 5, I started becoming more responsible (Class Secretary, awarded Most Helpful and Most Responsible at least once during the school year) that the job came to me. I held that position until we were too old do that (of course, I almost got in trouble for being too talkative — my mom almost got called to school for disciplinary reasons during Grade 6 because I couldn’t control my mouth. My bad), and I guess in some way, I relished in the power it gave me. Somehow it made me feel that I was better than the others, that I am more trustworthy, that I am more responsible, that I hold their fate with the teacher in my hands.
Talk about power tripping.
But being in that position feels lonely too. If you decide to be really strict, your friends would get mad at you for doing so (this is considering the ages of the people who need someone to list is at the young age and wouldn’t really know better than not get angry at a friend who lists their names in front), and if you decide to spare your friends from the trouble, those you list would get mad at you for playing favorites.
So who wins in this situation? Do you? No. Sometimes, even if there’s so much power — more than anyone else that is — in that position, you’d rather be one of the students who stay in their seats in watch the lister in front warily. At least that way, you wouldn’t be harming anyone, right? You’d be responsible for your actions and not worry about how other people would react to what you do (except maybe for the teacher).
In connection. Sometimes we’re placed in positions we like, but is in a seemingly higher level than some other people who are also close to you. And sometimes, you can’t help but feel like those people who are close to you resent you for being in that position. You know? It’s not your fault your teacher placed you there, or you get assigned to that job or whatever, but still people resent you for being in that position. When you weren’t so busy with that job or assignment, you feel connected with them. But when things take you to hours occupied by things related to your job or assignment, you feel disconnected from those people…like you’ve gone and left them, or worse, they’ve gone and left you.
*insert sigh here*
This has been a busy week, although there are some things that didn’t seem to feel that okay since last week. You know the feeling? Of course, I may be paranoid and all, but the feeling sucks just the same.
This weekend I’m going to write. Write and write even more. Because I want to lose myself into that writing, to temporarily forget some things that are bothering me. To those who are now worried, don’t. This may be some hormones acting up, we never know (and I hope it is!). And it’s all about perspective, y’know?
Happy weekend everyone. :)