Tag Archives: thoughts

Last Weekend of April

April’s ending in 3 days! How fast does time fly? I had a very hectic, tiring but fun weekend, thank you very much. And because I’m too tired to construct proper paragraphs, I’ll go for bullets:

  • Overnight at a friend’s condo at Eastwood. This is to prepare for the outing the next day. It was fun talking to new friends (and seeing old ones; Hi Ate Xenia!), and it made me miss my dorm days when my school was just a few steps away. I swear, I really felt at home walking at Eastwood in my pambahay attire. Heh. It makes me wonder if I’ll ever live on my own in a nice condo with proper bathroom lighting somewhere near where I work.
  • Summer outing, second batch. It was…fun. Haha last week was more organized and we had a lot more things to do. This week had more people, but we also got to the resort late, so the games (which I was handling) was postponed. We decided to fill the balloons we have with water and throw it at each other. That was followed by swimming, throwing sand on each other, burying someone in the sand and then more sand throwing. :D The way home was filled with sound tripping and talking about stuff, which got my mind off some things but got me depressed over other things. Oh well, such is life. But the outing was fun, and it feels weird that its over — no more organizing (for now) and no more thinking about loot bags and games and whatnot. :D But I love my co-organizers. Go IBM Club! *group hug!* Loser moment though: I didn’t take any pictures. My camera decided to act up yesterday and I was too busy throwing sand at some people to actually take photos. Ohwell. Everyone had cameras anyway. :P
  • Sleepover! I got home last night late, and Happy was waiting for me at home for the sleepover. I was supposed to help her with WordPress but I was just too tired. I even fell asleep while she was talking. Oops. ^^; But it was fun, as usual. :D My moment of the night was when I woke up in the middle of the night coughing, and I went out to take a drink of water. When I got back, I had no voice. @_@ Oh, and there was when my mom stormed into the room to urge Happy to sleep on the folding bed, because my bed isn’t so wide. =))
  • Altar Boyz! I watched Altar Boyz again earlier with Reeya and Happy. It was their last show today and that made me feel sad, but I loved it as usual. I loved it as usual, and I’ve finally decided that my favorite Altar Boy is Luke. :) And yes, that is also because Reuben is the easiest to talk to among the Boyz and he also said my review was easy to read. *is 100x flattered :”>* Reeya was so amused that she’s looking into selling Altar Boyz to schools. I sure hope this pushes through. :D I have more thoughts about the show now that I have observed it more (the first review was all squealing and stuff haha), I’m gonna write a separate post. :D
  • Some other thoughts. This weekend does not excuse me from having more thoughts about some things that is not so easy to write about here. One thing I’d like to ask aloud though: Why is it whenever there seems to be something good coming out of something, there’s always something that happens that makes everything…I don’t know, complicated? Hay.
  • Last. Besides listening to the Altar Boyz soundtrack over and over again, I’m also loving an old song I know: Don’t Even Start by Dan Mackenzie, only because the lyrics hit me straight. Heh.

There you go, my weekend. Back to work tomorrow. I need to start writing my to-do list for tomorrow — focus focus! Good night everyone. :)


Yesterday was a mixed emotions day. I was happy it was Friday, and I was excited for our quarterly Townhall. I felt bad for someone because of something I did, was excited for receiving something totally unexpected. But what kind of disturbed me the most for myself, was how I didn’t really feel anything about what happened in Glorietta 2.

Okay, I didn’t really feel nothing. I have this defense mechanism where when something really big happens, be it positive or negative, I tend to push the emotions away for a while and then feel it when I’m ready. I store them all up somewhere inside, then digest it when I know it’s “safe” to do so. That is why it takes a while for me to feel really happy or really sad about some things, because I choose not to feel it immediately.

When I heard about the Glorietta 2 explosion yesterday, my guy teammate was more worried than I am about it. Then again, maybe I wasn’t that worried because as far as I know, there was no one I know in that area — only a few people, that is. My brother works in Galleria, I’m in Eastwood, my mom’s at home, my best friend works in Shaw, my other friend is in Bacolod, the other one is in school. So my first initial thought was, Thank God I don’t work in Makati.

But after some time (like today), I felt selfish for that thought. Here I am again, thinking about myself in a time where other people are hurt, other people lost their loved ones and other people are in trauma for having to witness such event. I am relieved that I wasn’t there, that no one I know got hurt…but I can’t help but feel like I should be feeling something else for the people affected other than sympathy.

I know that might not make any sense, but forgive me for thinking aloud. This thing made me realize again how short life can be — how a person can be alive one day and gone the next. While I still believe that a person will not die unless it’s his time to die (and God only knows when that is), I now feel sad for the people who had to go in a way like this. :(

All I can do right now is pray. My prayers are with all the people and families affected by this tragedy. Keep safe everyone.


PLUG: Switchfoot in Manila, September 10, 2007, Cuneta Astrodome. Get your tickets here!

Is it possible to be this happy and love my work when it’s not even a month? Is it possible to finally feel content about where I am and actually see a future for myself here? Is it?

Sometimes I’m afraid that this exciting and thrilled feeling I have about my new work will fade into oblivion after a few weeks of being stressed, that eventually I’ll end up wishing that it’s not Monday yet and want to move out…but somehow, I feel like I won’t feel like that. I feel like I’m finally where I really should be after 10 months of being on trial somewhere else. I feel like finally, things are falling into place, in the way that I want it.

And you know what? I think that God’s also happy because I am happy. Did that make sense? I just feel like He’s smiling with me right now, you know? :)

All morning, we were all on relaxed mode because we had no work requests, the afternoon got us working on some new sites. Then a new request came that frustrated me, but still made me laugh even so. :) The day was capped with the dinner at Dencio’s together with the entire team, our Operations Manager, our boss, the HR recruitment people who hired us and our trainor who has been with us all week. Fun night with lots of food, laughter and a round of beers for the guys. And I look forward to work again tomorrow because…well, just because! Is that even possible?

I’m not complaining, of course. :) I’m thankful, because like I said, finally, things seem to be falling into place.

Now how about a love life, Lord? Haha, kidding! In Your time. :)

A little while earlier, I was doing some Friendster hopping when I chanced upon the profile of an old female colleague. Apparently, she had a major update in her life (kinda like what I mentioned in the last line of the previous paragraph), and the people were commenting on it on her profile. What surprised me was, even one of our business partners knew about it…while, I, the officemate and usual lunchmate who she used to talk to a lot about it before, did not even know.

Come to think of it, I think they all still see each other and not tell me. How sad is that for me?

Then again…I have to admit that I had some kind of…um, issues with some of them earlier this year. I don’t know if I was just imagining those issues or if it is true because I never really found out if it is, and we never talked about it. It’s just sad that things have to be this way, or ended this way. I mean, I know I have friendship issues, I just thought I’m past them ever since college. I have this feeling that little issue kind of scarred me a bit, which makes me afraid of connecting with new people in fear of that happening again.

Maybe the entire environment where I used to be just so (pardon me) screwed up that I just don’t thrive there. At all, no matter how hard I try. Even if I lasted for ten whole months there. Maybe, maybe, as much as I learned there and was put into hot water and developed some kind of discipline that I have yet to see, this just proves that I’m not meant to be there for long.

So again, thank You. Because without You, none of this would’ve been possible. :)

Okay, last thing before I go to bed. Hi to my teammates who will be reading this tomorrow. Haha. And advance happy birthday to our youngest team member, you know who you are. :)

Bed time! I need to be at work early because I have a Switchfoot Street Team meeting tomorrow at 6pm, so I need to be out early. You can get your Switchfoot tickets here, by the way. :)

An Insignificant Speck

I finally got to watch Spider-man 3 earlier, and I watched it with my mom, using the leftover Mother’s Day money our dad sent for us to spend. My mom initially didn’t want to watch it, but she agreed to, and she ended up liking it (even if it is a bit dragging since it’s longer than the past movies).

The journey to finding someone to watch Spider-man 3 with me was a hard journey. I didn’t join the crowds in watching it during the first week. My brother watched it with his girlfriend a few days after its opening, I missed the SFC Spider-man 3 gimmick because it was on a Sunday night, and when I finally saw that it is safe ((By safe, I mean there are less crowds. Have I mentioned that I hate watching movies in a filled up cinema?)) to watch, all people I ask either watched it already, do not want to watch it again, busy, or just did not reply to my invitation.

How sad. I’m such a social loser.

Continue reading An Insignificant Speck

The Noisy List

Remember back in elementary, whenever the teacher goes out of class, or whenever there’s a spare period, he/she would always assign someone to take note of who are the noisy while the teacher was away? There’s nothing that could probably frighten an elementary student than seeing his name on the board under the big heading of NOISY (and, okay, sometimes STANDING too, because we’re not supposed to do some unnecessary standing while there’s no teacher…and who could forget Not In Proper Seat or NIPS? Memories!). In my experience there are several ways to avoid being listed:

  1. When you are really good and do not make any noise/stand/go out of your seat;
  2. Pass notes instead of talking;
  3. Be a really good lip reader or learn sign languages;
  4. Be really good friends with the person listing the names to ensure that he/she doesn’t list you (now you know where corruption starts, pfft); or
  5. Be the person listing the names.

I remember that being the lister was the most coveted position in the class, even more than being class president (because in our school, the class president doesn’t always handle the discipline of the class). I remember praying that I was picked to be the person assigned for the day because I love being able to stand in front and watch each and every one of my classmates squirm under my gaze. Okay, that was bad. Seriously, I want to be the lister because it gives me an excuse not to list myself, you know? Not that I had a problem keeping my mouth shut if I wasn’t, but I never knew if a small whisper can be counted as “noisy” or not. You know? Sometime around Grade 5, I started becoming more responsible (Class Secretary, awarded Most Helpful and Most Responsible at least once during the school year) that the job came to me. I held that position until we were too old do that (of course, I almost got in trouble for being too talkative — my mom almost got called to school for disciplinary reasons during Grade 6 because I couldn’t control my mouth. My bad), and I guess in some way, I relished in the power it gave me. Somehow it made me feel that I was better than the others, that I am more trustworthy, that I am more responsible, that I hold their fate with the teacher in my hands.

Talk about power tripping.

But being in that position feels lonely too. If you decide to be really strict, your friends would get mad at you for doing so (this is considering the ages of the people who need someone to list is at the young age and wouldn’t really know better than not get angry at a friend who lists their names in front), and if you decide to spare your friends from the trouble, those you list would get mad at you for playing favorites.

So who wins in this situation? Do you? No. Sometimes, even if there’s so much power — more than anyone else that is — in that position, you’d rather be one of the students who stay in their seats in watch the lister in front warily. At least that way, you wouldn’t be harming anyone, right? You’d be responsible for your actions and not worry about how other people would react to what you do (except maybe for the teacher).

In connection. Sometimes we’re placed in positions we like, but is in a seemingly higher level than some other people who are also close to you. And sometimes, you can’t help but feel like those people who are close to you resent you for being in that position. You know? It’s not your fault your teacher placed you there, or you get assigned to that job or whatever, but still people resent you for being in that position. When you weren’t so busy with that job or assignment, you feel connected with them. But when things take you to hours occupied by things related to your job or assignment, you feel disconnected from those people…like you’ve gone and left them, or worse, they’ve gone and left you.

*insert sigh here*

This has been a busy week, although there are some things that didn’t seem to feel that okay since last week. You know the feeling? Of course, I may be paranoid and all, but the feeling sucks just the same.

This weekend I’m going to write. Write and write even more. Because I want to lose myself into that writing, to temporarily forget some things that are bothering me. To those who are now worried, don’t. This may be some hormones acting up, we never know (and I hope it is!). And it’s all about perspective, y’know?
Happy weekend everyone. :)