Your goodness shall follow me

01.

I talk about being brave, but sometimes I think I really don’t know what it entails until it stares at me right in the face. I haven’t watched the movie We Bought a Zoo (although I probably should), but I remember this one quote from the movie that always comes up when I search for “bravery” and “courage” in Google:1

You know, sometimes all you need is twenty seconds of insane courage. Just literally twenty seconds of just embarrassing bravery. And I promise you, something great will come of it.

Twenty seconds, huh?

How about five?

Image from we heart it
Image from we heart it

02.

There was that one mass, where I fell to my knees after receiving communion and started tearing up. Okay, that isn’t really new, because sometimes I find myself crying a lot while at church, which often feel like the safest place for my tears. I knelt down and prayed, and my heart cried out. I don’t know what to do, Lord. I don’t know if I should go forward or forget about it. I’m scared, I’m scared. I just don’t know. Please tell me what to do.

Those were my prayers, but I realize later that underneath all those prayers is this one more urgent, pressing prayer: Please tell me what’s going to happen if I do this. Please, please.

And then, the answer: I will not tell you what’s going to happen. Remember that even your mistakes are in My plan. Will you trust Me?

By the time I went out of the church, I know what I was going to do. Okay, I didn’t know how I will do it, but I know what I think I should do.

God, I’m scared.

03.

I came across this post as soon as she posted it, but I didn’t want to read it the moment I read the first few paragraphs. Not now, not yet.

Now I read it and read it and read it, not because it contains the answer I need but because it’s one of the few things that I can hold onto now, as I prepare:

You must look that answer in the eyes and listen to it, and let it ache, and let it roam around, and let it lead you. Because the truth will always lead you somewhere.

04.

“You know how when you eat a sundae and have tequila after, you expect LBM…but not too soon?” My friend made me laugh at that statement, but there is truth in what he said.

When you’ve come to the point of no return and then you are asked to wait again, it’s frustrating. Let me say that again: it’s frustrating. It’s even more frustrating when some things you sort of expected to happen later happen too soon, before you’re completely ready for it. What results is you, a complete mess, breaking down at random times in the day while you try to hold yourself together, try to not take offense, try to not over think things, try not to jump to conclusions.

It’s not like you can turn back, anyway. Or you’d want to turn back.

“The only thing you can do now is be strong, and wait.”

05.

This must be what free-falling feels like. How long till you get to the end?

(more…)

  1. Sidenote (or, fine, footnote): I wish it was that easy, just enter the thing you want or need and Google and you get results. I wish it was that easy. []

Seeds of Wisdom

Also known as: The quotes and verses I put in my planner to start of my 2011 right

Oh you thought I’m done posting here? Of course note. Remember: the newer and emptier and shinier the blog, the more I post. Once this is filled with too many stuff, watch how my posting declines.

That, and I really don’t have much to do today, anyway. :P What a boring peaceful January 1, eh?

Anyway, I was planning to do a post about photos and how I changed from January to December 2010 — a total vain and pic-spammy post, but I decided to leave that for another day because I don’t have Photoshop in my Mac (sadness). So instead of forcing you guys to look at how much I changed physically in the past year and boring you to death, I am going to post something more…worthwhile.

I hope.

I like quotes. I like taking note of quotable quotes in a book, I like highlighting Bible verses and taking down lines from TV shows and movies. I lose and forget them half the time, but I have some quotes that I can never forget because it helped me remember important things in the past few years.

So, as a reminder for myself and to share them with you…well, here they are.

(Yeah, that was kind of a fail in introducing them. Sorry. ^^ )

Solomon’s Wish

I am catching up with my Bible reading for my online book club, and I finally reached 2 Chronicles today after weeks of being delayed. I remember reading that book back in college but since Chronicles was known as a collection of names, I kind of skimmed over the other parts of the book. This re-reading is helping me to see things in a different light. I started on 2 Chronicles today, and it’s basically a retelling of some of the stuff written in 2 Kings. The start of the book shared the story of Solomon and what he asked from God, and I found God’s answer to him more striking here than the one written in 2 Kings:

God answered Solomon, “This is what has come out of your heart. You didn’t grasp for money, wealth, fame and the doom of your enemies, you didn’t even ask for a long life. You asked for wisdom and knowledge so you could govern well my people over whom I’ve made you king. Because of this, you get what you asked for — wisdom and knowledge. And I am presenting you the rest as a bonus — money, wealth and fame beyond anything the kings before for after you had or will have.” (2 Chronicles 1:11-12)

I like how this puts things into perspective, how it stresses that when you have your heart in the right place, the other good things will follow.

Dreaming of happiness

I got this quote from a Lifeteen podcast last year, and I remember posting about it back when I first heard it. The Lifeteen podcast that I heard this from badly needs to be listened to again, because it has all the explanations and such. But since I can’t transcribe all of that down, I just wrote the passage in my planner to remind me of that always.

This came from Pope John Paul II and it is absolutely beautiful. Stop and read it a couple of times so you can marvel with me at the truth this sheds light on:

It is Jesus that you seek when you dream of happiness. He is waiting for you when nothing else you find satisfies you. He is the beauty to which you are so attracted; it is He who provoked you with that thirst for fullness that will not let you settle for compromise; it is He who urges you to shed the masks of a false life; it is He who reads in your heart your most genuine choices, the choices that others try to stifle.

It is Jesus who stirs in you the desire to do something great with your lives, the will to follow an ideal, the refusal to allow yourselves to be ground down by mediocrity, the courage to commit yourselves humbly and patiently to improving yourselves and society, making the world more human and more fraternal. (Pope John Paul II)

You are exactly where you should be

I first got this prayer/quote from my friend Tuesday back in college, when I was still active in my Catholic youth community. Back then, I was on my internship, and I was really struggling with it because…well, I hated it. I felt like I wasn’t made for the corporate world, and I was very lonely at work and I wasn’t getting paid and I really, really missed being in school. I guess I was having a growing up crisis then. Anyway, I was constantly chatting with Tuesday then and one day during a household, I think (if not, it was an overnight or maybe even a random chat with her), she shared this prayer to me, after her friend shared it with her. It became my prayer for 2006. It’s been a while since I last saw this one, and I thought it’s fitting to have it as a prayer again, even if it’s five years later.

That today you find peace inside you, that you can confide in your highest power because you are exactly where you are supposed to be, but do not forget the infinite possibilities that are born from the faith, that you may use the gifts that you have received and transfer the love that has been given to you, to make you feel satisfied that you are a child of God. Allow his presence in your bones and give your soul the liberty to sing, dance and be warmed by the sun, that is there for everyone and each one of us. (St. Therese of the Child Jesus)

One more time: you are exactly where you are supposed to be. How comforting is that? :)

I think there should always be conscious effort in remembering things like this that we remember at the start of every year. Conscious effort. It won’t be easy for the next 364 days, but by God’s grace, it is doable. Right?

There are infinite possibilities in 2011 friends. Let’s help one another remember that. :)