An Insignificant Speck

I finally got to watch Spider-man 3 earlier, and I watched it with my mom, using the leftover Mother’s Day money our dad sent for us to spend. My mom initially didn’t want to watch it, but she agreed to, and she ended up liking it (even if it is a bit dragging since it’s longer than the past movies).

The journey to finding someone to watch Spider-man 3 with me was a hard journey. I didn’t join the crowds in watching it during the first week. My brother watched it with his girlfriend a few days after its opening, I missed the SFC Spider-man 3 gimmick because it was on a Sunday night, and when I finally saw that it is safe ((By safe, I mean there are less crowds. Have I mentioned that I hate watching movies in a filled up cinema?)) to watch, all people I ask either watched it already, do not want to watch it again, busy, or just did not reply to my invitation.

How sad. I’m such a social loser.

The entire “inviting people to watch a movie with me” episode made me realize how socially inept I can be. It makes me sad that I don’t seem to have an instant group of friends who I can ask anytime to watch a movie with me, even in the last minute. I know, I know, I did say I didn’t like last minute things, but you know what I mean. This is probably just a phase, a temporary feeling…but when I scanned through my phonebook containing 100+ names just to find people who will watch Spidey with me and found no one, it hit me how friendless I can be at times. Not super totally friendless; sometimes I just can’t help but feel like I’m…nothing. Unimportant. An insignificant speck in the big world.

Again, how sad.

But yes, Lord, I know I am an insignificant speck in this big world and you love me anyway. And I thank You. But can I please just let this out?

Last night I was thinking of how this entire unlimited texting plans that telecommunications companies brought out actually ruined the entire idea of communication that they seek to make easier. Back then, when there were no unlimited promos, nothing was stopping us from sending messages and calling each other unless we don’t have load. This is because all rates are standard — P1/SMS, P6.50/min for calls. Simple, right? You text anyone, knowing that every message sent, no matter what network, is all worth the same. But now with the unlimited plans, you only choose to send messages to the same network since it’s cheaper that way. If a friend who happens to be a subscriber from another network sends a message to you, you think twice about replying (unless it’s really urgent, of course) because it’s not “free” anymore, it’s not part of the unlimited promo.

I know that not all people can afford to be loaded all the time, and not all people have jobs already and not all people can afford to have postpaid lines. And I know how these unlimited plans helped in making things easier and cheaper for people, but did it really help in improving our communication? Or did we just allow ourselves to be victims of these capitalist companies who cared more about their number of subscribers than actually providing better means of communication?

Really now. Doesn’t it make you think? Tell me: have you ever thought twice of sending a message to a friend you remembered or who sent you a hello message because he/she is not in the same network as you are? I’m guilty of this too, I know, especially when I’m up to my usage limit on my line, but it gives me no choice but to use it to send my messages since Smart postpaid lines do not offer any unlimited SMS promo. Yes, I just happen to own a SIM card for all networks…but what if I don’t? Will these people who are not on the same network still care to spend P1 on me?

Yes, right now I’m feeling mighty unimportant, and that cellphone thing is just one part. Bluntly speaking, like nobody cares ((Save for my family, of course)). That everyone else is too busy with their own lives to care. Is this a public cry for help since I know people are sure to read this? Yes, consider this one. I know I have a hard time explaining what I feel verbally, so writing is the way to go.

It is at this times when I find myself wishing I had a love life — a boyfriend, a suitor, or even just a guy who is interested in me just so there’s someone I could readily talk to, to ask out, to go on gimmicks with. Just so I won’t have to ponder on watching a movie alone since no one seems to be that interested.