Impending Doom

It’s Sunday. Tomorrow’s a holiday, therefore, no work.

But why do I have a feeling of impending doom for Tuesday when it’s back to work? To think I’ll only be having a two-day work week since I’ll be off to Bicol on Thursday for theYFC International Leader’s Conference.

I don’t want to go to work. :( And I have one more day in before I go back, but just thinking about it is making me want to hide under my covers and pretend I’m sick…you know, just like when a kid doesn’t want to go to school? Only this time it feels worse because there’s really nothing to look forward to at work? Even paydays don’t seem as bright as it was before.

*sigh*

Why must it be so hard now? Every Saturday I feel like this — and Saturdays are supposed to be carefree and work-free. Whenever Saturday afternoons roll by, I feel like I’m running out of time because in a few hours Saturday will be over and it’s Sunday and when it’s Sunday it’s almost Monday! And Monday is back to work!

I must sound like such a brat again complaining about this when I said I’d stop…but I feel so desperate. I feel like I’m running out of time. I don’t know what’s stopping me from quitting altogether, except maybe that there is no promise of a new job to move to after resigning.

But right now I have to deal. Because that’s what I can do. Or not. Unless I find enough reason and courage to leave.

Dear Father, give me hope that things will be better. Remove my desperation, remove my panic, help me to persevere in this place until You give me the grace to leave. Move me to the right direction, Lord, and give me the courage to act when it is Your time. But most of all, Lord, please give me peace. I need Your peace, Lord, I need You.