Tag Archives: work

Dear Diary

Life Plans

Before anything else: I think I have a new food addiction.

Starbucks Coffee Jelly

Awesomely yummy coffee that perks me up. My diet is going to suffer/is suffering, but gosh this coffee is good. And after my realization about caffeine and me, I am consuming more. I don’t know if it’s just me PMS-ing, but coffee really perks me up, so I need one. In a day.

Oh dear.

Did I tell you how much I love the Dark Roast Coffee Jelly Frapp? Ahhh.

* * *

On another note. Today I went to work early to attend to a meeting with one of the big bosses at work. I’ve been blessed enough to be a part of a selected group of employees who get this privilege to meet the leaders of our company, so I’ve “met” a few. And you know what really and truly mystifies me about them right now? Their general disposition. Well, I can’t blame them for being so happy to travel and so seemingly relaxed because I know Filipinos take care of visitors very well. But it seems like their happiness is deeper. I’m not sure if they’re absolutely content with what they have or what they’re doing, but they look so relaxed, so clear-headed and so…cheerful. Whereas I need coffee to be cheerful. I’d imagine people on higher positions would be more stressed than I am, but they’re not. So. Mystifying.

Then again I don’t think you’d reach that position without being stressed at some point. And I don’t think it would be good if they’re still stressing over the little stuff when they’re in that position, right?

So anyway, one of the important things I learned today is this: have a career plan. But more importantly, I should have a life plan. Because a career plan is just for your career and a life plan is for your, well, life. That is your driving force, why you’re doing what you’re doing. And work is just a means to an end.

Which brings me to a deep question that I don’t have an answer just yet (and I have been trying to answer for the longest time!): what is my life plan?

Nope, no concrete answer to that, yet.

Which is probably why I’m in some sort of career crisis right now. Nothing serious, but lately I’ve been asking a question: Where am I heading? What am I doing? Is this still what I want? I love my company, I like my job, but I don’t know if I should still be doing this or if I should be doing something else. Frankly, sometimes I get bored already. And even if there are coming changes in the team, I still wasn’t excited about it. I’m more overwhelmed, actually, and I’m not sure if I even like it.

Which brings me to another thing I learned today: every risk should have enough push and pull before you take it. If there’s too much push and not enough pull, it means I’m running away. If there’s too much pull but not enough push, then maybe I’m being forced to move. It makes sense, right?

Maybe the reason why I am having a career crisis is because I haven’t figured out two important things, which were also brought up earlier: find out what you’re good at that you’ll be known for, and find your successor. If you ask me now, I do know what I’m good at, but I don’t know if it’s something I can use at work, or in my career, you know. I’d like to believe that my skills, or at least the things I know I am good at right now (writing, sort of managing, debugging, sort of project management) are somewhat valuable to my work. I’m just not sure if I could be known for them, if I’m good enough to be known for them.

And the successor thing. That I haven’t done. Am I worthy to have a successor? Perhaps.

I suddenly had this some sort of panic attack earlier this morning, when a scenario flashed in my mind. I can’t really blog about it, but it is related to work, and even if I know I’m heading to that, I’m not sure if I want that now. I don’t know if I’m ready for it, even if I know it’s going to give some excitement to my career. You know those things? Talk about panic, as in I could hardly breathe (it wasn’t the type where I’d need portable oxygen concentrator, but it was kind of scary) and I almost wanted to bury myself somewhere at home and not go anywhere.

Crazy.

I prayed after that panic attack of course (I love it that today’s reflection in My Utmost for His Highest was trusting in Him), and later on at the meeting, I was affirmed again when the boss said: If you worry about something too much, it won’t happen.

Makes sense, right?

It’s kind of a lot of think about now, but I’m really glad I attended that. It was almost like a breath of fresh air, you know?

So at the end of the day, I still don’t know what my life plan is. But I know that I’m not alone. And I am wiser right now than I was this morning. Which is a good thing, right?

I’d write more but I have a storyboard due tomorrow. So I leave you with this. For the first time this week, I am actually cheerful (but that may be just because of the coffee ^^ ).

3047886 Hahahaha, Hey Tina wag mo na lang pansinin yang mga yan, bangag pa yan kagabi. Flying cackroach, hhhhmmmnnn. Don’t worry I’ll always bring a baygon for you. hahahahaha. Ako ata ang bangag. ^_^
Randomnities

08.09.10

I can’t let this day pass without blogging on this particular date, of course.

So hello, 08.09.10!

I’m typing this while I eat my late, late dinner. This particular Monday is crazy because there just seemed to be so many things to do. Most of which are leftover from last week, which was also a busy week, and still, things come in and I go crazy trying to keep up. I haven’t been in sync for the past two weeks, really, and it’s frustrating because I keep on trying to catch up but I feel like I’m failing. It’s like trying to tear down a metal building with my bare hands. Okay, that’s an exaggeration, but it’s that frustrating.

Ah, stress. I don’t want to complain about you, but I really wish I can catch up. Please don’t make this Monday be like the rest of the week.

On another, more positive note…wait. Okay, there are positive points to this day despite the stress…but unfortunately, they’re kind of unbloggable. ^^; Sorry friends, those are things I’d really rather keep to myself. If you want to know, you know how to reach me. It doesn’t mean I’ll tell you, but you can try. :)

Ah well. I should get back to eating so I can finish whatever I can finish today. By God’s grace, I will conquer this. Amen.

One more thing.

Happy birthday, Marvs!

Happy birthday Marvs! :)

Dear Diary

Last One Working

day one.

And just like that, I’m the only one left here in the office for our team.

I was getting ready for work earlier when I got a message from Reggie, my teammate, telling me that two of our team members were on sick leave today, as well as asking me if I could go to work early. I was already wearing my gym clothes then, and I thought of doing a quick work out before going to work. I figured I could still get to work at around 1…but then I decided against it because I don’t think I’ll be able to have a relaxing work out if I have to think about work while I was there. There’s nothing like a rushed work out to make my day sour.

So I went to work and helped hold the fort while the others are sick. There’s nothing serious that needs oximeters, though, just colds and fever, probably because of the extreme heat and cold from outside and inside the office, respectively.  Two people on sick leaves is okay, but we also have another teammate on maternity leave and our team lead is also sick (the originator of the virus, hah!), I knew I needed to get to work ASAP. And since my midshift partner, Earl, is also out sick today, I’m alone here for midshift. At least until 9:30, when I can finally go out.

Thinking about work suddenly made me realize how long I’ve been in this company. I’m turning three in this company this July, and although it’s not as long as others, but it’s the longest I’ve stayed in a company. Then again, there’s no comparison, because this is my second company ever — third, if you count my OJT company. And I can’t see myself moving to another company anytime soon.

I’ve posted about it a lot of times before when i was new here, and I know the posts about it has been scarce for the last, oh, I don’t know, two years? I guess being so used to work has kind of left me jaded about how blessed I am to be here, even if my stress levels can get to the high heavens. Sometimes, when stress and annoying people get in the way, I forget how much I prayed for this job. I forget how blessed I am to be chosen to be here, and to like what I do. It’s easy to forget these things.

So today, while I’m alone here at work, holding the fort — at least until 9:30PM — I’ll take the time to appreciate the work that I do, and what being here means to me. Work doesn’t rule my life, but I can’t deny that I wouldn’t be who I am if I weren’t here. Yay for the work that I do! :)

I just realized: after what I wrote here, I must be every manager’s dream employee. Haha. Kidding. :P

Okay, time to get some dinner.

Dear Diary

First Week of 2010

It’s been a while since I last posted. I am supposed to be translating some reflections right now, but instead, I’ve been setting up a new blog for the past few hours. Yes, this is me procrastinating. I kind of hate it, but I couldn’t stop it.

So before I go and start translating (yes, I’ll cram it in a bit), let’s see what happened in the past days of 2010.

Wakes and Birthdays.
The first weekend of 2010 had me going to two events that celebrate life: a wake and a birthday party. My teammate’s mom passed away a day before 2010, and it was really a sad thing. I can’t find the words to describe the pain, possibly because I don’t know the pain of losing someone close to me. And I pray that I don’t get to experience it anytime soon. :( The wake taught me, once again, to treasure the people around me, especially the ones I love.

The next day, I went to a surprise birthday party for a friend that we organized. It was a fun, fun, fun party, because the surprise was (almost) complete and we had a grand time screaming like it was the fans day that it was. :) Oh, and my friends and I fell in love with Grimace — look how cute he/she/it is when he/she/it sat down like a purple…well, poop? :)

Grimace! :)
Grimace! :)

After that party, it seemed like everyone will be getting surprise parties this year. Hm, interesting. Would this be the year I’ll get my own surprise? Who knows? Let’s see. :)

Work, work, work
It’s back to work, too, and good thing we don’t have too much work this week, yet. It’s proving to be a very challenging year, though, but it’s going to be fun. :)

Bad moods galore
I experienced the worst kind of mood swing last Tuesday, and until now I still feel ashamed of it. I snapped at a ton of people then, and I didn’t feel like talking to anyone at all. :( I figure it was just hormones, plus lack of sleep…and probably some other stuff, and every girl gets into a mood swing every now and then. I hope it doesn’t happen again, though.

Holiday fats begone!
I was serious in workout again this week because of everything I gained last Christmas. I wasn’t sure if my results were good for the week because I didn’t get to lift weights as much. So I was ready for less than stellar results for last Thursday, but surprise surprise: I lost all my holiday fats. :D My muscle mass went up, so there’s no change in the overall weight, but still! FATS ARE GONE! Wohoo~

Thesismates Reunion

This was us 4 years ago
This was us 4 years ago

Met up with my thesismates last Thursday before Ramie left. It was also the first time I went to Trinoma too — cue loser music here! :P Trinoma was an okay mall, I didn’t get to explore it yet, but I’m sure there are no outdoor fireplaces there. I don’t see the need, anyway.

Spent Thursday night eating and chatting with the three important guys in my school life. :) It was nice to talk to them and catch up and realize that, well, other than being thesismates, we are good friends. It didn’t feel like we haven’t seen each other for more than a year — and I guess that’s real friendship there.

Next big event for us (and for other blockmates, I guess) is *drumroll* Ramie’s wedding! It’s not until the end of this year, but I’m sure it’s going to be one big highlight of the year. :)

RPM, Baby
Earlier today was my second time to do RPM class — cycling class for those who aren’t familiar with the class — and even if I felt like fainting in the middle of the class, I managed to stand up at all parts of the class that needed standing. What a work out. I plan to master that class. :P

One More Page
After much thinking and realizing how much book posts are eating up my space here at my personal blog…I finally decided to set up my own book blog: One More Page. I’ve had a couple of posts inside already, so why not drop by and visit? :)

This blog would mean that there would be less book related posts here…which means I should get posting more…er, personal posts here.

That’s my first week of 2010 so far. I really should start working on my translations already…so I shall end my post here. How has your week been so far?

Randomnities

Hello Ho Ho Ho

Okay, I really meant to blog this week. And lats week.

Thing is, even with that intention, there were a lot of other things that caught up to me the past two weeks that made me not blog. Ugh. I have so much writing backlog that it’s driving me nuts.

But because it’s almost Christmas and it’s the last work day of the week today, I won’t go nuts.

Forgive me if I haven’t been blogging. I owe you guys a lot – two more lessons from the flood, reviews, year-end surveys, stories and yes, the Coron post.  Oh and there’s the post-NaNoWriMo post that’s long overdue. Work’s just been crazy and with that, workouts (I have to post about that, too!), and Christmas preparations, everything just goes crazy, you know?

It’s a good thing I don’t go to school, or else I don’t think I’ll be blogging now (although I think everyone who is in school is on vacation now).

Which reminds me, I need to renew my domains and pay stuff. Ahhh crazy — not enough to go to drug rehab, but still, too many!

But it’s okay. Because it’s Christmas in two days. I promise to post a Christmas story by tomorrow. But now I have to work. So close, so close!

Merry Christmas, everyone!

Dear Diary, Thought-Provoking

On Leadership

Last week, I attended a three-day training at work about leadership. Specifically, leadership the way my company thinks it should be done. It’s been a while since I’ve been to a leadership training — or a training, for that matter — so this was a welcome break (except maybe that I have to go on day shift for three days, and I am not used to battling the early morning traffic and the rains in the past week).

So me, a leader. I’ve been a leader in a lot of ways before. I’d like to use the term “leader” by definition at this part of the blog. Based on my dictionary on Aslan, a leader is the person who leads or commands a group, organization, or country. I was almost always nominated as a leader of groups or voted as class officer when I was in elementary and high school. Not to brag, but I was one of the top students back then, and in a way, people then automatically equate that once you’re in the class’ top 10, you’re also a good leader.

In a way, I reveled in that power. I liked being the leader because it gives me a certain authority over some people. I liked it that people trusted me enough to, well, lead them to the desired outcome. I liked being a part of planning committees and student councils because it helps me not just be one of the people but someone who matters. And — I didn’t really know this back then — I liked being a leader because it gives me control over whatever situation I was in. I may not be able to control the people, but at least I have a bigger hold in the situation, and that’s always good, right?

When I became a YFC leader, things changed. Not immediately, of course, but more during college. I suddenly felt the pressure of having to be a role model for the people I am with, especially my household. In a way, the younger members looked up to me not only as the VP for Documentations bu also as a household head and someone they can turn to if they need a prayer, so I had to be extra strong in a lot of ways. Case in point: there was a time when I was so tempted to cut one of my classes just because I didn’t feel like going and I just wanted to hang out at the tambayan. I was agonizing over it, and was weighing the pros and cons of cutting the said class, and then I saw one of the younger members looking at me as if waiting for my decision and he was actually considering cutting his class too. Talk about a slap of reality and accountability.

In YFC, I was taught that to be a leader, I had to know how to follow. I had to know how to be a servant, because in being a servant, I lead. Weird, I know, but it makes sense (and that’s another post for me to explain that). I was taught to take care of the hearts of the people I was entrusted with, to be one of their lines of defenses from life. I was taught that I was a front liner in this battle that we, as Christians, are all in. We are the ones the world sees first, and the ones who carry the name of Christ higher than the rest just because we are leaders. I felt and lived those teachings, and when you do that often enough, it sort of becomes easy. When your heart gets a beating for another person, you’d think you can do anything really. ;)

When I started working, it’s very, very different. I admit to being a very relational person, and I liked having people to not only work with but be friends with too. I thought I had the edge of being a people manager better because of my YFC leader training, that handling people at work would just be like how I handle my household…but of course it’s not.

I’ve been a back up team lead for the past five months and there were a lot of moments that I wished I wasn’t. That I could be just another employee who’s satisfied with her position, not aspiring to step up and enlarge my territory. It’s like when a cashier who’s held a barcode scanners all her life and then offered a position to own the store instead of being one of the worker ants. Okay, it’s not exactly that way here, but you get my drift — it’s really a new territory. I’ve seen how much my team lead works, and how many issues he has to deal with, how many people he has to deal with on a daily basis…and seeing me in his position makes me wonder how will I do the same things he does (and still have time for myself)? It’s hard to have to always think on your feet and to deal with the mountains of emails he gets while I’m just a back up…what more if/when I become a team lead too? Can I do it? Can I be as strong as he is, not cracking under pressure? What’s more, my three-day training showed me the reality of how much employees expect things from their bosses, and it’s really crazy to think of having to fulfill all those. It’s almost downright scary. It makes me wonder why in the world I ever wanted to be in that position?

The comforting thing about this is…one, my company is there to support me all the way once I get into that position and two, well, people believe in me. I know all that sounds all too warm and fuzzy…but the three day training has inspired me to be a better leader. To be a leader in the truest sense of the word. And the training has made me believe that somehow, I can be the leader that they expect me to be, and I only need to find the strength within me.

Ah, this post feels so…idealistic and trying-to-be inspiring, I’m not used to it anymore. ^^; But I’m glad for the training because I really did realize a lot of things about me and the people around me. And by God’s grace, I pray that I may be the best leader He wants me to be, be it with the team I work with now or a new team or even wherever else He wants to bring me. :)

Dear Diary

Sunday

Today I did something unthinkable.

I went to the office on a Sunday.

Now it wasn’t really the first time for me to be in the office during a weekend. Last year, I was found in the office on a couple of Saturdays to attend IBM Club events, but I never really considered that as work, you know? But today, I went to the office not to work too, but because of our domain’s strategic planning.

Getting up on a Sunday to go to a place other than chuch is really a big effort, and honestly strategic planning sessions aren’t really the most fun thing in the world. But because this year was all about stepping up, I had to be there. Even if I had to drag my feet while I prepared in the morning.

But you know what? Despite the day of the week that I spent at the office pantry, I actually enjoyed myself. In a weird way. Not that I would want to do this all the time, but it made me appreciate my job a little bit more than I used to. Now, I know I’m probably the one of the few people who really love her job, to the point of raving about it repeatedly on her blog, so this is really nothing new. But today, while planning initiatives and (half-)listening to the others and playing the trust fall thing, I realize that I am lucky to be where I am. I am lucky to be in a well-paying job, doing the things that I love doing, excelling in the things that I do, and being in a team that cares not only for the job but for my well-being too. I like how I know there are opportunities for growth over the horizon for me, and that other people trust me enough to do things and deliver.

It’s not about being a corporate slave, but really just loving what you do. And I’m glad to be in a place where my job doesn’t really feel like a job. Most of the time, at least. ;)

I don’t really know what’s in store for me for the next few months, or years, but I can definitely say that I’ll be staying here for now. :) I can’t imagine being anywhere else. :P

* * *

After the strategic planning I went around Eastwood for a while. I looked for swimsuits, then went to National to check out some books (yet again), found some I wanted to buy but didn’t (yay), ignored some box cutters and finally settled down inside the airconditioned Eastwood Mall. I also found out that Starbucks has Dark Mocha Frapp again. Yay. But it’s not like I always go to Starbucks nowadays. :P After hanging out there I went to mass, then headed home and now I’ll be spending the rest of my weekend continuing Pride and Prejudice and hopefully finish it.

Happy Sunday everyone. :)

Dear Diary

Life Update

As I mentioned in my previous post, I haven’t been blogging about things that are not books. I’m sorry, I was just too caught up with all the books I’ve been reading lately and there’s really nothing too interesting to write about lately that isn’t…well, fiction. But I guess now it’s time to start writing something about what has been happening lately, so here we go.

  • I started training for the new process being transferred to us last week. I finished my mid shift last February, went on day shift for three days and went back to mid shift after that. How fun. The training’s going well, so far, and my partner and I agreed that all the things we went through for our Europe clients was a blessing since it gave us background knowledge on this process. Of course, there are two more processes to be transitioned to us, and that’s a different story. One day at a time.
  • On the first day of my training, as I was about to leave the house, my pink earphones and iPod cable disappeared. :( Okay, I may have misplaced it here somewhere at home, since even the small bag it goes in is lost, but my flash drive, which is also there, is not lost. Weird. I can remember putting the cables inside before going to breakfast on Thursday morning, but that’s as far as I can remember. I can’t remember what happened to it after that. I thought I put it in my bag as I usually did, but turns out I didn’t, so now it’s lost. :| I’ve been music-less at the office for almost a week. My friend calls this phenomenon a black hole, and I’m still hoping that black hole spits them out. They’re not cheap, you know, and the bag is cute! If I decide to buy brand new ones, I’ll end up paying almost as much as I am paying for my monthly insurance quote.
  • I watched Repertory Philippines’ I Love You Because last Saturday. The story was nice, the performance was just…okay. There were a lot of laughs though, plus company was great, so I’m not complaining. :)
  • Monday got me sick, though. I woke up with a really bad bout of indigestion, threw my breakfast up and spent the rest of the day feeling totally lethargic and nursing a headache. I got my blood pressure too, and I had quite a high one but it was just because of my headache. Good thing we didn’t have training last night, so I went home early, drank meds and spent the rest of the night sleeping. I feel much better now, although still a bit wary about my stomach.
  • I’ve decided to take it a bit easy on Wordplay, by going on a deliberate break. Details here.
  • I need to find replacement earphones and cable. Any suggestions for a cheap one? :D

I better get ready for work now. It’s going to be another hot commute, ergh. Oh well. :)

Dear Diary

Of Roses and Changes

So, belated Happy Valetine’s Day! ♥ How was your V-day?

Mine was pretty lazy. The day before Valentine’s Day was kind of interesting, though. Interesting only because I was having a semi-relaxed day at work. It was a far different cry from last year’s Valentine’s Week where my stress levels were at an all time high because of all the activities we had. But the Friday was interesting too — Subway with officemates, then Coffee Bean with club friends and Something Fishy at night. Oh, and I did get flowers, thanks to my friends. :) So it was a fairly nice day.

It just occurred to me that I’ve received flowers for Valentine’s Day for three consecutive years already. How about that. Thanks, God. :)

But my weekend was just lazy. Talk about sitting on my butt for two whole days watching TV. I would’ve gone and watched a movie today but I was too comfortable on our couch, even if they’re not home theater furniture. I don’t know why I didn’t go out, save for the fact that crowds were everywhere last Saturday. I dunno, I guess I just wanted to stay put for a change. Does this mean I’m going out next weekend? Probably. Or maybe mid-shift is just taking its toll on me.

On other news, there’s change coming in the horizon, career-wise, and I can’t help but feel a bit apprehensive about how fast things are going. You know me, I’d really rather have things done gradually, so I can give a proper goodbye to the things I used to do and have some time to get used to the new things, but life doesn’t work like that, unfortunately. It’s not that the new thing is bad…in fact, it’s a very desirable career growth. Of course with growth comes more responsibilities, and I have been trying to step up, so it’s just right. But there’s just so many changes that will happen with this that I don’t know if I’m really ready for it. And if I’m really ready to give up what I have right now for something else. The shift, the holidays, the time I have…I don’t know.

I wish I could say it’s scary and exciting, but right now it’s just plain scary.

I’m trying not to think too much about it until it is actually right in front of me and I have nothing else to do but jump. That’s kind of extreme, I know, but it’s all I could think about doing. I guess I can just take a bit of comfort in the little thing I learned a couple of weeks back during one meeting I attended: saying Yes. As scared as I am right now, I have a feeling that this is one of the things I should say YES to, even if I have no idea what’s in store for me. Who knows what will happen, right? And it’s got to be good, even if it’s probably hard at first.

Yes, I’m trying to convince myself.

And no, I haven’t watched Yes Man. I should, though.

Hay hay. Growing up, you are so hard and challenging. But I know I’m not alone, so that’s comforting enough.

Every opportunity to fear is also an opportunity to TRUST GOD.

Please include me in your prayers? :)

Have a great week ahead everyone!

Dear Diary, In His Steps

On Stepping Up

4 Comments

For the past few weeks since work started, I’ve been thinking. The difference between 2008 and 2009 (so far) is that when 2008 started, I was all excited, all ready to jump into whatever adventure there is that the year has in store for me. I was the “DO IT ALL” woman. I think my teammates nicknamed me “The World is Not Enough” at some time. :P

Anyway 2008 was certainly a year where I tried to do everything, work wise. Name an event, I know it and is probably a part of it. I was so active in everything and was trying to do them all that a lot of things got pushed to the back. Well, not exactly “back”, but I know that my performance wasn’t as stellar as it used to be. Plus I know I put myself on second place.

So when this year started, I told myself I’d go back to basics. I’d put myself first, I’d focus on the things that matter. What are those things, I’m not yet so sure, but I know my weekends are more or less sacred, and I want to focus on my writing too. Eventually, I arrived at some kind of extreme where I’d rather do stuff for myself and put other things in the backburner again. I always seem to have that kind of problem.

Anyway, so this week, I learned of my rating for my 2008 performance. I gave myself a rating before 2008 ended and I really thought that was the one I deserved, but what I got was…surprisingly good (and by good it means I can probably afford to buy tv lifts if I want to — which I don’t). Of course, I was thrilled, but the rating came with a postscript: “This is the time that you have to prove you deserve that rating.”

Okay, so maybe it’s not exactly said in those words, but that has the gist. I’m happy and humbled to be able to get that rating, but yes, it’s challenging me too. I’m at this point where I know I should step up and I’m trying, really, but at the back of my mind, I don’t know if I can do this while still giving time for myself. I know it’s possible, I just don’t know how I’m going to do it.

My team lead is currently focusing on me and giving me tasks and situations where I can develop my leadership skills to train me so I can be ready for a leadership position sometime soon. I’m grateful for it, but in a way, I am also scared. I was a leader back in YFC, but leadership in the corporate world is different. My company is generally nice, but it’s still the corporate world, and I have been told that I need to be thick-faced and immovable. Something like that, at least. I tell myself I can do it, but honestly, I’m not really sure if I can, you know?

There’s this certain resistance I feel when I am asked to do things like reports, or talk to someone or do something or attend late night meetings. Maybe it’s because I’m not yet used to it, or maybe because I don’t know if I will be able to handle it. Maybe I’m just looking for an easier way out, a way that is not stressful. But what is life without stress, yes?

I need to step up. For how long, I don’t know. But I know I must.

Last night I was talking to Ramie and I was telling him about this entire thing. One thing that I’m kind of grateful for this is there’s this certain feeling of cluelessness, the kind where you really have no idea where you’ll be going and what you’ll be doing, except maybe for a few steps ahead. And with this cluelessness is some kind of comfort, the one where I know that no matter what happens, I know there’s Someone who is with me every step of the way.

I like that this is making me pray more, that having to step up is making me realize that I am totally dependent on God, and without Him there’s really nothing I can do.

Let me quote my favorite verse once again:

Whatever I have, wherever I am, I can make it through anything in the One who makes me who I am. (Philippians 4:13, The Message)

By God’s grace, I can do this. :) We can do this. :)

Here’s to stepping up. *cheers*

P.S. Prayers will be appreciated. :)