Tag Archives: growing up

Dear Diary

10.10.10

Of course I can’t let this day pass without blogging.

The past few days have been grueling for me, with lack of sleep, family errands and work stress all coming down on me all at the same time. I have never felt so tired, so giddy, so pissed and so stressed in one week, so much that I wanted to cry as Friday ends. I’ve been trying not to make it such a big deal and not stress over stuff, but sometimes you just can’t help but feel it.

Suffice to say that I’m sort of dreading tomorrow because I do not want to be stressed again. At least, not in the same level as I was last Friday. I mean, I’m all for taking responsibility, but don’t you hate it when you have to take responsibility for other things other people committed to do when you weren’t even involved in it in the first place? And you’re put into tremendous pressure because no one else can pick up the slack? UGH. Seriously, give me a break.

BUT. I must stop. No more stressing out.

I wanted to write something fun about 10.10.10..but honestly, I’m out. I’m sort of just waiting for this year to end, which kind of sucks because that’s not how it’s supposed to be. I should be enjoying 2010, I should be thankful because on the overall, it’s not such a bad year. I think I’m just resisting the changes coming, somewhat, or maybe I’ve bitten off more than I can really chew and I’m close to choking.

I really, really hope not.

Let’s see. What are the other stuff that’s coming up anyway?

  • Brother’s wedding
  • Adidas King of the Road
  • NaNoWriMo 2010
  • Runrio leg 3
  • Christmas

Why does it feel like I’m running out of time again?

I’m pretty sure I need to take a step back and figure out what else I can set to accomplish before this year ends. I’m sure I won’t meet all my goals anymore, but I sure want to say that I tried meeting some of them. I need to stop being chicken (about driving  — learning about car insurance quotes included — and getting checked up), to stop being lazy (writing, baking, getting to my ideal weight). I need to start doing something…I don’t know, worthwhile?

Yes, I’m having a growing up crisis today. Oh hormones, would this be you? Please be you.

I think one of the important things I’ve learned — or I’m starting to learn — lately is to stop sweating the small stuff. I musn’t stress over the things I can’t really control, or stress over the things that I shouldn’t really be stressing about. And I have a feeling I’m doing that now with this semi-growing-up crisis I’m having.

Focus. Focus. And prayer. I haven’t been praying for a while now. Must get back. There is no excuse for me not to pray. I’m not holding my end of the relationship well — I’m sorry, God.

Okay breathe. That’s it. It will be okay. By God’s grace, I’ll be okay, and I’ll snap out of this funk and I’ll be able to enjoy the good stress that my life brings and enjoy it at every moment, no matter what.

Dear Jesus, please be with me. I know I haven’t been the best daughter lately, I’m sorry. Please help me get back on track.

10.10.10 seems like a good place and time to start.

Dear Diary

Life Plans

Before anything else: I think I have a new food addiction.

Starbucks Coffee Jelly

Awesomely yummy coffee that perks me up. My diet is going to suffer/is suffering, but gosh this coffee is good. And after my realization about caffeine and me, I am consuming more. I don’t know if it’s just me PMS-ing, but coffee really perks me up, so I need one. In a day.

Oh dear.

Did I tell you how much I love the Dark Roast Coffee Jelly Frapp? Ahhh.

* * *

On another note. Today I went to work early to attend to a meeting with one of the big bosses at work. I’ve been blessed enough to be a part of a selected group of employees who get this privilege to meet the leaders of our company, so I’ve “met” a few. And you know what really and truly mystifies me about them right now? Their general disposition. Well, I can’t blame them for being so happy to travel and so seemingly relaxed because I know Filipinos take care of visitors very well. But it seems like their happiness is deeper. I’m not sure if they’re absolutely content with what they have or what they’re doing, but they look so relaxed, so clear-headed and so…cheerful. Whereas I need coffee to be cheerful. I’d imagine people on higher positions would be more stressed than I am, but they’re not. So. Mystifying.

Then again I don’t think you’d reach that position without being stressed at some point. And I don’t think it would be good if they’re still stressing over the little stuff when they’re in that position, right?

So anyway, one of the important things I learned today is this: have a career plan. But more importantly, I should have a life plan. Because a career plan is just for your career and a life plan is for your, well, life. That is your driving force, why you’re doing what you’re doing. And work is just a means to an end.

Which brings me to a deep question that I don’t have an answer just yet (and I have been trying to answer for the longest time!): what is my life plan?

Nope, no concrete answer to that, yet.

Which is probably why I’m in some sort of career crisis right now. Nothing serious, but lately I’ve been asking a question: Where am I heading? What am I doing? Is this still what I want? I love my company, I like my job, but I don’t know if I should still be doing this or if I should be doing something else. Frankly, sometimes I get bored already. And even if there are coming changes in the team, I still wasn’t excited about it. I’m more overwhelmed, actually, and I’m not sure if I even like it.

Which brings me to another thing I learned today: every risk should have enough push and pull before you take it. If there’s too much push and not enough pull, it means I’m running away. If there’s too much pull but not enough push, then maybe I’m being forced to move. It makes sense, right?

Maybe the reason why I am having a career crisis is because I haven’t figured out two important things, which were also brought up earlier: find out what you’re good at that you’ll be known for, and find your successor. If you ask me now, I do know what I’m good at, but I don’t know if it’s something I can use at work, or in my career, you know. I’d like to believe that my skills, or at least the things I know I am good at right now (writing, sort of managing, debugging, sort of project management) are somewhat valuable to my work. I’m just not sure if I could be known for them, if I’m good enough to be known for them.

And the successor thing. That I haven’t done. Am I worthy to have a successor? Perhaps.

I suddenly had this some sort of panic attack earlier this morning, when a scenario flashed in my mind. I can’t really blog about it, but it is related to work, and even if I know I’m heading to that, I’m not sure if I want that now. I don’t know if I’m ready for it, even if I know it’s going to give some excitement to my career. You know those things? Talk about panic, as in I could hardly breathe (it wasn’t the type where I’d need portable oxygen concentrator, but it was kind of scary) and I almost wanted to bury myself somewhere at home and not go anywhere.

Crazy.

I prayed after that panic attack of course (I love it that today’s reflection in My Utmost for His Highest was trusting in Him), and later on at the meeting, I was affirmed again when the boss said: If you worry about something too much, it won’t happen.

Makes sense, right?

It’s kind of a lot of think about now, but I’m really glad I attended that. It was almost like a breath of fresh air, you know?

So at the end of the day, I still don’t know what my life plan is. But I know that I’m not alone. And I am wiser right now than I was this morning. Which is a good thing, right?

I’d write more but I have a storyboard due tomorrow. So I leave you with this. For the first time this week, I am actually cheerful (but that may be just because of the coffee ^^ ).

3047886 Hahahaha, Hey Tina wag mo na lang pansinin yang mga yan, bangag pa yan kagabi. Flying cackroach, hhhhmmmnnn. Don’t worry I’ll always bring a baygon for you. hahahahaha. Ako ata ang bangag. ^_^
Dear Diary, In His Steps

Antagonism

My friend Gel and I were talking yesterday after she said something about Facebook delivering bad news to her about some friends. After learning the news, I felt sad too because they were also my friends. :( Then we got to discussing other situations, which ended up with us talking about how we are as friends and how we were as Christians.

Sometimes I can’t help but feel like I’m an antagonist, especially when it comes to other people’s relationships. Like, say, if a friend got into a relationship too hastily. Or if a friend is leaving other people for a guy or a girl. Or if a friend is too focused on something that he/she is missing other things in the process. I hope I’m not being selfish, but sometimes I just get this gut feel that something isn’t right, or something will not turn out right. Ever had that feeling? Sometimes I’d like to think I’m prophetic. It’s not exact science like Phentermine 37.5; sometimes I think I just happen to have good instincts.

Anyway, I can’t help but feel bad about feeling those things though. I feel those things because I am concerned, but I never had the guts to say them out loud, in fear of being labeled as jealous, or again, an antagonist. Kontra bida. Sometimes I wonder if I feel those things because I am just envious of their situation (especially when it comes to love related matters), or if there is really sound reason to why I am feeling that way. Still, I never had the guts to voice those concerns out loud. More often than not, I end up hiding, because I don’t know if I can talk to the person without saying anything wrong. When things fall apart, I am always there to help my friend…but sometimes I wonder if that is too late. If I had said something before, would it have lessened the blow to my friend?

I don’t think I’ll ever know the answer. But the thing I always, always have to remember is it’s better to be loving than to be right. I think I just have to remember and discern which is the more loving thing to do than what is right. If there’s anything that I should do first, it’s to love. Doesn’t matter if I’m wrong or the other person is wrong, or whatever. I must always, always choose to love.

Because in the long run, whatever they are going through, whatever junk they have stored, I know I have something in me, too, that is junk. Maybe even bigger than theirs. So I really have no right whatsoever to say what is right; I can only just love.

Reposting a quote from an old post, because it fits:

“And remember this…the junk in your life and the junk in [his] life aren’t really all that different when you compare them to the holiness of the One who forgives them both. They’re both just pretty much junk.”
– Jake Phillips to his daughter Savannah, Savannah by the Sea, p. 256

Have a blessed Wednesday, everyone.

Dear Diary, In His Steps

Funk

I can’t believe I’m still in this…funk.

I can really relate to this image right now:

It’s been weeks, and I still feel like I’m in some kind of funk. Like…there’s something missing, but not really. I wish I could blame PMS on this, but I just finished with my period (sorry, TMI!), and yet I’m still feeling quite…down.

Bored.

It’s so frustrating.

It’s not like I have some kind of problem. As far as I know, I don’t. I’m pretty okay with everything, but that’s just it. I’m just okay. I’m not asking for any problem of some sort, and I’m thankful my life is relatively peaceful…but I just wish there’s something else I can look forward to in the next days, weeks, months. Something big. Something exciting. Something to awaken my passion and all that shiz.

An adventure of some sort.

But alas, there’s none.

Sigh. I guess this is some kind of holding pattern once again, a waiting moment, a time where I should sit still and wait. Wait for what, exactly? I don’t know. I know it doesn’t involve any cigars, though. I wish I have some clue…but right now, I really have no idea. Is this a part of growing up, again?

Surprise me, Lord? Please give me something to look forward to.

Dear Diary

Another growing up post

Now Woody, he’s been my pal for as long as I can remember. He’s brave, like a cowboy should be. And kind, and smart. But the thing that makes Woody special, is he’ll never give up on you… ever. He’ll be there for you, no matter what.

So I watched Toy Story 3 earlier, and as expected, I cried. I didn’t cry buckets, but I shed tears, especially near the end. I mean, who wouldn’t?

No spoilers here, but I’m glad I watched the movie (even if I was alone. Then again, it was me time, so it doesn’t really matter).It wasn’t my favorite Pixar movie, but I think it’s a good one, and it’s a nice way to say goodbye to the toys. And to give a nod to growing up, which obviously all of us have experienced, are experiencing and will experience.

Lately I’ve been feeling kind of alone. I mean, I know I said I’m okay with being alone, but not alone alone. You know? I mean, I’m happy most of the time, I’m contented with where I am, but lately, I’ve been wondering: where are my friends?

I guess we’re all just busy, so it’s not that easy to see each other. That, and some friends are just out of the country. I miss them so, but it makes me wonder once again: where are my other friends?

So this is where my keeping in touch skills come in again. I’m not one who has a ton of friends who I can call and hang out with and such. I’m the person who has a group of friends who I regularly hang out it, preferably friends from different groups who I introduced to one another and made them friends, too, so it’s kind of like all connected. It’s just hard when everyone’s busy, and I feel like there’s no one to hang out with, and work is piling up and I’ve been feeling lonely and…well, sometimes, I just have to deal with myself alone, and find comfort in that even when I am sad, just the same as when I am happy.

Wait, did that make sense?

But anyway. Toy Story 3 reminded me that I am growing up. I’m way past Andy’s age. I felt the same sadness when he had to let go of the toys so he could move on, but I’m sure he won’t forget them. And I’m sure he’s happy that his toys are making someone else happy, too.

I don’t know if I have a point with this entry, exactly. I just felt like writing, to try to make sense of what I’m feeling and what I’ve been feeling for the past weeks. Maybe I’m just kind of having the blues.

Maybe I just need something new in my life. A challenge. Something to look forward to.

I don’t know. Let’s see.

But for now…I think I need to go to bed. I should have been in bed an hour ago, but look at what my thoughts did to me — I wish there were some natural sleep aids to help me to stop thinking and just sleep. Hmph. But it isn’t so bad, I guess. Tomorrow Later, I must sweat it out, and finish an article and maybe try to do some more soul-searching. Maybe I’ll find what I’m trying to look for.

Dear Diary

Fragile Things

And just like that, the three-day weekend is ending.

Let me just sigh and be sad about that.

Lately, I’ve been feeling a lot like this box here (photo credit from sxc.hu, by the way). See those signs there? I feel like that…except maybe for overnight. I feel rushed. I feel fragile. I should be handled with care. I don’t know why, and I’d really like to just keep on blaming my hormones for all these melancholy, but…sometimes that just has to stop. I can’t keep on doing that.

But lately I’ve been thinking. It’s the second half of the year. What have I accomplished? What are the things I can cross out from my 2010 Declarations? What goals am I only focusing on? What are the things that I really need to look at?

I guess this can be something like quarter-life crisis, yet again. This time last year, I’m having the same problem. This time last year, I wonder what I’m doing and where I am heading. I’d like to believe I know more this year. I’d like to believe that I have a clearer grasp on life now as compared to last year. But sometimes I think I know less, and I am flailing more. I don’t know where I’m going and it’s scary, and I feel like I’m wasting my time.

Ever felt that way?

I keep on working, but what am I working for? I do things, but do I do it because I love it? What’s going to happen to me in a few months, in the next year? Will I ever have enough confidence to drive? Will I be financially stable sometime? Will I be able to handle graduate school and work? Will I ever fall in love? (Yes, I just have to ask that)

Yes, I’m sort of panicking.

If only those were easy to answer. I don’t know, really. I can only see what’s directly in front of me, and maybe that’s the right thing. Maybe I’m not supposed to know. Maybe all this panicky feeling is here because I’m supposed to trust.

Yes, trust. Trust the One who knows better. Trust in Him who loves me and has my best interests at heart.

Sometimes I wish all I worry about are the shallow things like homework and hand dryers and stuff. But where’s the fun in that?

Hay. Growing up, you are hard. But I will get through this. By God’s grace, I will.

But seriously, I need something to look forward to. Even just for a while?

Anyway. Enough rambling. Back to the real world tomorrow later! I start my new shift later (this is why I’m still up), and I have a call with some clients…so prayers would be appreciated. :)

Dear Diary, In His Steps

Try and try and try and try

I’m sorry for the sort of depressing entry last Friday. I was having some kind of weekend blues, can you believe that? But all’s better now, it’s just a spur of the moment thing.

Plus, some things happened that kind of made me realize (yet again) that I’m really okay. Really and truly okay. Sometimes I tend to forget that, and I tend to look at the things I lack before I appreciate the things I have. Yes, I’m channeling Shrek Forever After here, but what he said made sense. Sometimes we don’t know what we have till it’s gone. It’s a good thing I get reminded of it, and now I get reminded often, and it keeps my feet on the ground. And it keeps me from flailing, too. ;)

This is one thing I keep on forgetting lately: God is a good God. It’s strange how I forget something as basic as that fact. It hit me last weekend that May is ending, and we’re entering June, and June not only means the start of school, but also the start of the rainy season. And you know what the thought of rain does to me, right? Right. I wouldn’t have been as nervous if our house has been renovated, but up to now it’s not. I don’t know when that would start, and the idea of rains coming and our house still the same still kind of freaks me out.

So I was trying to calm myself down over that fact on the weekend. I’m sorry if I’m not one of the people praying for rain even if I am also dying of heat here — I’m just scared. But sometime during the weekend, as my brother and I were talking about some wedding stuff, I felt an odd sense of calm. I thought, It’s my brother’s wedding late this year, and I’m sure God won’t let us run into any disasters that would stop that.

I don’t know if it made sense. Not that I’m bargaining to God and all (although I know I do that often), but I felt as if God is quieting my fears and telling me, “Don’t forget that I am a good God, and I won’t give you anything that you can’t handle.”

It doesn’t mean that any flooding is guaranteed not to happen again, but it meant that God promises to take care of us. So I need not fear. God is a good God.

And then I found out another thing about a friend who I used to be close to. I say used to because I felt like we were drifting apart. Now, I mentioned a couple of times that I suck at keeping in touch, so drifting away from old friends isn’t a new thing, but this one particular friend mattered a lot, and I found that I had a hard time letting go — I even wrote several entries about this. I tried, and something that happened after the flood made me start picking up myself and moving on. I thought I had moved on and all, but then I heard something, and I’m back to square one.

I talked to another friend about it because I was so unsettled last Saturday. Strange, because I should be moving on — I shouldn’t care anymore. I mean, I didn’t even learn the news first hand, I had to hear it from someone else! I was so pissed about it that I wanted to cry and throw stainless steel drums! However, after praying last Sunday, I heard this gentle reminder: It’s not about you, my daughter.

So yeah. It’s not about me. Yes, I’m pissed, I’m hurt for being left out again, but this news isn’t about me. Whatever I’m feeling, it doesn’t even compare to what my friend is probably feeling. So I cannot complain. I can’t throw a tantrum and not offer my presence just because I wasn’t one of the people who heard the news first.

I could move on from this, now right? I mean, yes it’s not about me, but it doesn’t mean I should say anything, or care, right?

But it bothered me. So after a day of wallowing, I reached out to that used-to-be-close friend. I figure, there’s nothing wrong with offering. If I get a response, cool. If not, at least I did my part. I was telling all this to Jana and Gel yesterday, and they told me I’m such a nice friend, because they would have done what I initially wanted to do if it happened to them. They wouldn’t care, because in the first place, the other person didn’t care. So why make an effort, right?

I asked the same question, too, and sometimes I still wonder. I can say, “Oh, but we were friends, and it’s just the right thing to do.” While that is true, I personally think that it’s not really enough reason for me to reach out. I can remember a lot of disappointments with this friend, and I was hurt more than once, and I have all the reasons to move on with my life and all. But there’s just something inside me that bugs me, and sometimes even begs me, to try again. Even just one more time. And if nothing happens, try again. Try and try and try.

I guess there are just some people who you can’t give up on. I found mine, and well…I’m hoping this changes things. I’m not saying I’m glad my friend got hurt — that’s mean. I’m just saying that…well, I don’t know the reason, either, but I know God works in mysterious ways, and this is one thing I can’t fully comprehend just yet. What I do know is, God never gave up (and will never give up) on me, so why should I give up on my friend?

I guess this is what loving really means?

Ah, growing up. How lovely and painful, but it’s all okay when God is on your side. :)

Big, Fun and Scary Things, Dear Diary, Thought-Provoking

Regrets

Ah technology. Our landline conked out today for some reason so there’s also no Internet, but I’m thankful for Smart 3G for letting me connect. Connection is a bit fragile though, and not as stable as when I’m at the condo, but I’m not complaining.

Anyway. Today was an adrenaline-rushed filled day. Lately I noticed that I’ve always been the one having to adjust to other people’s schedules, especially when it comes to my gym schedule. I’m all for adjusting for other people to pick the least hassle of all roads…but sometimes it sucks because it ends up being a hassle to me.

Hay. I did survive all the adrenaline rush (leaving me almost knocked out earlier), thank God, but I can’t help but feel a bit disappointed over something that happened…or didn’t happen, rather.

I’d really rather not elaborate on what happened/didn’t happen, but on the feeling. The biggest feeling I have right now is probably regret. You know when you want something and you know you can get it, but certain circumstances just stopped you from getting that thing? That feeling. I can’t help but think of other things that I could have done to make things right, to help me get what I wanted. To change things so it would be different.

But changing it would probably mean the loss of the other good things that happened this day too…so it’s kind of a lose-lose situation. Sort of.

Hay. I may not be making any sense here, but I’m really just trying to sort my feelings out. It sucks, really. Because I can’t do anything about it…except feel sad about it. And then feel a bit annoyed at myself for being sad about it when I shouldn’t.

But if there’s anything I learned early this year…it’s that it’s okay to wallow. At least for a while. So…tonight I’ll wallow. Then tomorrow I’ll stop.

From icanread.tumblr.com
From icanread.tumblr.com

Earlier at mass today, the priest said something that really struck me during the homily: Pain is a gift that nobody wants. How true. There are a lot of necessary pains that should happen for us to grow…and I’m hoping this teensy pain here right now would make me grow too.

I’ll be okay. :) I always am. :)

13/30.

Dear Diary, Thought-Provoking

On Leadership

Last week, I attended a three-day training at work about leadership. Specifically, leadership the way my company thinks it should be done. It’s been a while since I’ve been to a leadership training — or a training, for that matter — so this was a welcome break (except maybe that I have to go on day shift for three days, and I am not used to battling the early morning traffic and the rains in the past week).

So me, a leader. I’ve been a leader in a lot of ways before. I’d like to use the term “leader” by definition at this part of the blog. Based on my dictionary on Aslan, a leader is the person who leads or commands a group, organization, or country. I was almost always nominated as a leader of groups or voted as class officer when I was in elementary and high school. Not to brag, but I was one of the top students back then, and in a way, people then automatically equate that once you’re in the class’ top 10, you’re also a good leader.

In a way, I reveled in that power. I liked being the leader because it gives me a certain authority over some people. I liked it that people trusted me enough to, well, lead them to the desired outcome. I liked being a part of planning committees and student councils because it helps me not just be one of the people but someone who matters. And — I didn’t really know this back then — I liked being a leader because it gives me control over whatever situation I was in. I may not be able to control the people, but at least I have a bigger hold in the situation, and that’s always good, right?

When I became a YFC leader, things changed. Not immediately, of course, but more during college. I suddenly felt the pressure of having to be a role model for the people I am with, especially my household. In a way, the younger members looked up to me not only as the VP for Documentations bu also as a household head and someone they can turn to if they need a prayer, so I had to be extra strong in a lot of ways. Case in point: there was a time when I was so tempted to cut one of my classes just because I didn’t feel like going and I just wanted to hang out at the tambayan. I was agonizing over it, and was weighing the pros and cons of cutting the said class, and then I saw one of the younger members looking at me as if waiting for my decision and he was actually considering cutting his class too. Talk about a slap of reality and accountability.

In YFC, I was taught that to be a leader, I had to know how to follow. I had to know how to be a servant, because in being a servant, I lead. Weird, I know, but it makes sense (and that’s another post for me to explain that). I was taught to take care of the hearts of the people I was entrusted with, to be one of their lines of defenses from life. I was taught that I was a front liner in this battle that we, as Christians, are all in. We are the ones the world sees first, and the ones who carry the name of Christ higher than the rest just because we are leaders. I felt and lived those teachings, and when you do that often enough, it sort of becomes easy. When your heart gets a beating for another person, you’d think you can do anything really. ;)

When I started working, it’s very, very different. I admit to being a very relational person, and I liked having people to not only work with but be friends with too. I thought I had the edge of being a people manager better because of my YFC leader training, that handling people at work would just be like how I handle my household…but of course it’s not.

I’ve been a back up team lead for the past five months and there were a lot of moments that I wished I wasn’t. That I could be just another employee who’s satisfied with her position, not aspiring to step up and enlarge my territory. It’s like when a cashier who’s held a barcode scanners all her life and then offered a position to own the store instead of being one of the worker ants. Okay, it’s not exactly that way here, but you get my drift — it’s really a new territory. I’ve seen how much my team lead works, and how many issues he has to deal with, how many people he has to deal with on a daily basis…and seeing me in his position makes me wonder how will I do the same things he does (and still have time for myself)? It’s hard to have to always think on your feet and to deal with the mountains of emails he gets while I’m just a back up…what more if/when I become a team lead too? Can I do it? Can I be as strong as he is, not cracking under pressure? What’s more, my three-day training showed me the reality of how much employees expect things from their bosses, and it’s really crazy to think of having to fulfill all those. It’s almost downright scary. It makes me wonder why in the world I ever wanted to be in that position?

The comforting thing about this is…one, my company is there to support me all the way once I get into that position and two, well, people believe in me. I know all that sounds all too warm and fuzzy…but the three day training has inspired me to be a better leader. To be a leader in the truest sense of the word. And the training has made me believe that somehow, I can be the leader that they expect me to be, and I only need to find the strength within me.

Ah, this post feels so…idealistic and trying-to-be inspiring, I’m not used to it anymore. ^^; But I’m glad for the training because I really did realize a lot of things about me and the people around me. And by God’s grace, I pray that I may be the best leader He wants me to be, be it with the team I work with now or a new team or even wherever else He wants to bring me. :)

Dear Diary

Too Early for Quarter Life Crisis

Every Sunday ever since January, I sit down with my planner and write down my Big Rocks for the week. I learned this thing with my 7 Habits training at work, what they recommend for time management: figure out the roles that I have the play for the week, month or a specific period and then write down things to do for those roles and plot them within the week. Those things would come in first, and other things will squeeze in between those.

Now I’ve managed to follow that thing quite closely, and I feel my week is incomplete without setting my Big Rocks.

However, lately, I realized that the Big Rocks I’ve been setting are always limited to the period that it was made — for the week. And lately, I never really realized how much my Big Rocks are every week. By how much, I mean how little. It’s like…my life is “planned” weekly, and there were no big goals accomplished every week. It’s almost always the same — submit weekly reports, pay bills, etc, etc. It’s all the same…and frankly, it’s monotonous.

So today I was thinking, what the heck do I want to do for this year? I mean, last year I had Sydney, the other year I had the job hunt. This year…what? What big thing am I willing to take a risk for? Where am I going?

Is this what quarter-life crisis feels like?

But I’m not even 25! *headdesk*

Talk about feeling totally inadequate all of a sudden.

…there’s more, but I’ll reserve it for the next post.