So my past week has been…crazy. I had at least one meeting every single night. I’m the head of a project team for our account for this quarter (which feels really heavy even if it’s really not since it’s mostly checking and whatnot…but I feel like I should be the one setting the standard for the entire year because I’m the first leader on rotation), became an officer for IBS Club for the entire year…and both of that is on top of my work. Then there’s actual work, which is not that demanding but obviously eats a lot of time and is my number one priority when it comes to the office.
No, I’m not complaining. I actually like this, the feeling of being busy and all. It can get me a bit bewildered at times because I feel like I’m so inept, and that I couldn’t possibly talk to the people who I will be involved with because I lack authority and I hardly know them. But overall…I think I can do it. I know I can. And besides, I did say I’d do something new this year, and this is definitely something.
Then I learned last Friday what my performance rating is for 2007, and I’m not really allowed to say what it is…but it’s definitely good. :) The results of that would definitely help me in whatever I want to accomplish later this year. I’m pretty sure I still can’t afford to have happy hours in San Diego, but it will definitely help me with my Aslan bills and probably Mission: Sydney. And I’m really, really grateful about it. As much as I don’t really like being on spotlight, it sure feels nice to be recognized.
There’s this lingering thought in my head that stops me from basking in all the “glory.” True, it’s been a good half year for me so far in terms of my career — fantastic new job, receiving an award after four months of being inside the company, doing different extracurricular projects, receiving an email from a really BIG guy in the entire company, receiving different commendations…like I said, it’s been a great year. I’m really grateful for that, and the greatness of these past months is not only by my doing but everyone in the team. And, of course, God.
Which is why I’m posting this entry now. I have to have a refresher. I have to remember what we all told ourselves right before the Christ Wars Youth Camp back in college, when participants were pouring into our camp left and right. I have to remember what I learned when I turned 20, my birthday lesson. I have to remember that none of these is about me. As much as all praises and activities directly involve me, I must never forget that it’s never about myself.
All these extra-curricular activities, all the nice emails and commendations and praises, the good performance rating, the monetary rewards, everything — it’s not about me. It’s never about me. I wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t for God. I wouldn’t be who I am, I wouldn’t be able to do anything I have done for the past months if it wasn’t for God’s goodness. He’s the real star here, not me. I’m just a small insignificant speck in this huge universe that He runs. I’m no one, He’s someone. And I’m here because He wants me to be here, and I was able to accomplish all these things because of Him.
What I really want to say is…I’m no one. I’m not good. It’s God who is good; He enables me to be who I am right now, that I may bring Him glory. He’s the one who deserves all the praises. That doesn’t mean I’m going to stop doing good in what I do…I just have to remember to give credit where it’s due.
Right now my main prayer is to be humble like He is — that I may be able to accept all these things, and bring it back to Him, because it’s His, not mine. May none of these good things go up to my head. May I never think that it is I who is the good one, that I rightly deserve everything that I am blessed with because I don’t. Only by His grace that I deserve everything.
So Tina, remember: it’s not about you.
PRAYER FOR HUMILITY
O Jesus, meek and humble of heart, hear me.
From the desire of being esteemed, deliver me Jesus.
From the desire of being honored, of being praised,
of being preferred to others,
of being consulted, of being approved, deliver me Jesus.
From the fear of being humiliated, deliver me Jesus.
From the fear of being despised,
of being rebuked, of being neglected,
of being forgotten, of being ridiculed,
of being wronged, of being suspected,
of being injured, deliver me Jesus.
That others may be esteemed more than I,
Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.
That others may be chosen and I set aside;
that others may be praised and I unnoticed;
that others be holier than I, provided that I may become holy as I should,
Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.