Also known as: On being okay
I was talking to a friend earlier and she told me about how things turned south with this guy she was pseudo-dating1. She has been increasingly annoyed at how the guy was always late when they’d meet up, or how he’d send her a message at weird times, or how he would cancel their plans (or pseudo-dates). I feel her frustration, because I hate those things too. But still, I told her to chill and relax, and see where this thing goes — why throw a possibility away, right? Then just recently, the guy invited her to go with him to his place. Hello, deal breaker.
Of course, the guy could have been just friendly, you know? It could be a totally innocent invitation to get to know my friend. But still…he could get to know her outside, you know. Why allow yourself to get into temptation?
So that was the end of that guy for her. We were talking and I told her, it’s time to “pack up and move on”. While it was good while it lasted, it was time to move on. There are and will be other guys out there.
That sounded like such a flippant answer, don’t you think? Pack up and move on, there are other guys out there. How sure am i about that?
I’m not. But just recently, I was talking to another friend of mine, and we were talking about our “non-relationships”. You know, those sort-of-relationships that were never really anything because it always falls apart before it even becomes anything. The “looks like it’s there, but there’s nothing at all” things we get ourselves into. Admit it — we’ve all fallen into that…thing. And even if nothing really happened and I’m sure the pain from the fallout of these non-relationships is nothing like a break-up, it still hurts like [insert a comparison here — feel free to be as explicit as you want]. Unanswered questions, unrequited love. It hurts, and sometimes it feels like it’s the end of the world.
Sounds exaggerated? Tell that to someone who’s never been in a relationship in his/her life, to someone who’s been hoping and waiting and praying, to someone who’s decided to risk his/her heart and end up getting crushed. It may not match the pain of a break-up2, but it hurts.
But I digress. Like I said, I was talking to a friend, and I told her an epiphany I had a few months back:
You get to a point in your life when things with a certain someone don’t work out, you know you’ll be okay. It will hurt, yes, but you know you’ll be okay. You can move on. You’ll bounce back. And you won’t be (that) bitter. And you know that somewhere down the road, there will be someone else. And maybe it will work out with them. But if it doesn’t, then you’ll still be okay.
I find this epiphany really empowering, because in my case, I know it’s true. I can feel it in my bones, in my heart. I know I am capable of moving on. I can’t do it alone, of course, but I know it will be okay. I will be okay. This doesn’t excuse me from stupid decisions, but it gives me a chance to destroy my walls (somewhat) and gives me a bit more freedom to take a risk. Not only in love, but life in general. It will probably hurt sometimes, it will be definitely messy, and it will suck sometimes, but I’d like to believe it’s worth it. It will make me a better person.
And that’s why I have good people around me. To pull me back, to keep me in check and to be there when I need a push to bounce back.
Maybe this is growing up.
So…don’t be afraid of pack up and move on. It will be okay. Maybe not today, or tomorrow, but it will be. You have it in you to be okay. :)