Edit (011607, 11:03am): Instead of making a new entry, I’ve decided to just append the second one here. :D Space saver and it’s easier for me to go back. :) I’ll get this entry finished within the day, I promise!

Edit (011607, 7:18pm): Entry finished! :) Oh, and I’d like to warn you that this entry sounds a bit angry, but that’s just me venting. If ever you get offended by whatever I said, please contact me in private. I’d listen to you, but also remember that this is my blog and I am entitled to my own opinions. Thanks. :)

First off, congratulations to my friends Ryan and Arl who are now registered nurses! :) Congratulations to you two! And congrats to all those who passed the nursing board exams too. :)

Tonight, let’s talk about high school for a while. You know how in high school, there’s always this friendship/barkada drama? Like, there’s always some group against one group, one group against one person, one outcast member in the group, one person against one person, backstabbing one another in all its sad glory. Okay, not all high school friendships are like that, but you can’t deny the existence of all these high school drama. I should know, I’ve been part of it.

Most of my high school friendship drama happened during freshmen year, when everyone was trying to fit in. My problem at the start of the school year was that I don’t know who else is in my class. As far as I know, no one I was close with back in Grade 6 was also in the same section as I am in first year high school. Scary, especially when there are a lot of new students who want to fit in too.

Thank God I met some people who were nice, all because we liked to eat hash browns during recess. We eventually formed a group, and one of our favorite past times was to make fun of this other group of girls in class who write letters to each other everyday. As in every single school day.Take note, we are all classmates and we see each other everyday, yet they write to each other! With stationery and such! My friends and I joked that everytime they pass each other letters every morning, a tree gets cut down.

But because we’re such mature people then (yes, that’s sarcasm on mature), my friends and I eventually joined in with them. Weird, huh? But we did. And then they gave their group a name and we did too. We even formalized a membership by voting on the names we want our group to have. And we thought we were teh coolest, yo.

Things were fine and dandy for a few weeks, until I happened to say something offensive about one of friends (Friend A) to another friend (Friend B), and Friend B told Friend A what I said. Friend A called me that night, saying all kinds of things that I couldn’t understand, until I got to school the next day and the tension in the air was so thick, I could slice it with a knife (pardon the cliche). Friend A and Friend B managed to turn my entire group against me, and even if our other friends still talked to me, they all still hung out together, leaving me behind to look for another group (thank God someone “adopted” me then).

But that’s not only it. One of the worst moments in my high school freshman year was when one of them called me at home and cursed me with all kinds of “colorful” words they could think of. It was the first time I heard all those words directed to me…and you know what’s funny? I let them do it. I didn’t hang up on that person; I let her finish what she had to say and she hung up on me. When I put the phone down, I wanted to cry but no tears would come…I just sat beside my dad and pretended nothing happened.

I think maybe that’s why I have friendship issues until now. I was afraid of getting too close to people in terms of friendship because I was afraid of that happening again: people turning their backs on me, cursing me and leaving me to pick myself up. Or drifting too far apart. Don’t get me wrong, I know I was at fault at that situation, and I could’ve avoided all of this if I just kept my mouth shut. But that was still cruel, you know.

Oh just so you know, my friends and I made up. But it didn’t stop there. Friend A and I ganged up on Friend B a few months later, and that was the end of our group. At the end of the year, I got mad at all of them for ditching me just because I have Recognition Day practices. That was the end of our “happy” little group. Sure, we are still friends individually, but we didn’t hang out anymore after that. Not after all those issues.

What is it with these young and (excuse me) immature attitudes in friendship? Why all the backstabbing and the rivalry? Where’s the trust and love and friendship? You know what else was really abundant back then? Open forums. You know, those times when you make your friends cry the one where you and your friends sit together and you tell each one of them what you don’t like about them in front of the others, all in the nature of being honest and making the friendship stronger. Now, that’s just wrong. I know it might develop better friendships, but not when we’re all still emotionally unstable with all the adolescent hormones raging inside! Honor in public, correct in private, not honor and correct in public! I have seen classmates cry after open forums, and I doubt anyone ever finishes it because the first round just makes everyone queasy. Anyone who enjoys open forums like this is just sick, man.

It’s just sad, isn’t it? How some friendships that could be enriching be just thrown down the drain. What’s so hard about it, anyway? If you have something against another, tell the person in private and don’t leave her in the dark because she may be just confused because she didn’t know what she did to make you angry.

My point is…as much as I want to believe that I can be friends with a certain group of people…it turns out that maybe I can’t. You know? Maybe in college, everyone can be friends — at least it was almost like that in mine. But not in all times. There are some people who you just couldn’t please or connect with, no matter how hard you try. No matter how hard I try.

It’s just sad. I just realized how sad and angry this entry sounds…and yeah, in some ways, I am. I just never thought that some people who I thought were people I could keep could turn around just like that without even saying why they did that. Disappointing, but also in some ways I guess it’s better for not to have stuck as much because I might have ended up saying some things that I would regret later.

I like it how Anberlin sang, “Never take friendship personal.” This can be so true. Of course, not all friendships fall in this line; only some that won’t make you grow. That won’t help you as a person. In those cases, it’s better not to be attached to it and just…let it go. Don’t take anything personally because the friendship may not really grow in the first place.

Oooh, so negative. So not me.

I don’t know what’s going to happen in this particular episode of my life, but I’m truly glad for some real friends who I know would never turn their back on me, and who I could count on to tell me if they have a problem with me, not just turn a cold shoulder without any notice.

Okay, enough with the angst and anger. Like what my best friend said: think happy thoughts! :)