Tag Archives: sadness

Dear Diary

Polar Opposites

I’m noticing a pattern in the past few days.

Image from sxc.huLast Monday, I was talking to some friends on chat, and I find out the following:

  • One friend is now happily in a relationship
  • One friend is nursing a broken heart
  • Another friend found out something not so nice about the guy she’s dating

Today, I found out:

  • A friend gave birth to her first baby last weekend
  • A friend’s dad passed away yesterday

Talk about polar opposites. And all during the Christmas season.

Things like this baffle me. Sometimes I wish there was something we can do to stop bad things from happening at this time of the year, because let’s face it: who wants to experience death and broken hearts at this time of the year when people are supposed to celebrate? Can’t it be in any other time of the year?

But who wants to welcome bad things at any other time of the year, though?

And…how can we appreciate the good if it not for the bad?

Life and death. Happiness and sadness. All together in one cycle…does this mean one cannot be there without the other?

Ah well. Thoughts all over the place again. Sometimes I want to contain them all in a metal building, just so they won’t run all over the place in the middle of the work week.

Forgive me for this word vomit. I’ll try to post something more coherent next time.

Dear Diary, In His Steps

Be Strong and Take Heart

The worst time to feel lonely and unwanted and left behind is when a girl has her period. Agree?

I do. Because I’m feeling that right now. :(

I’d rather not divulge any specific details because it’s too personal, but yes, I’m lonely right now. My heart is not still, I’m afraid, and I’m angry at myself for being selfish and discontented and wanting what others have (or are about to have) when I don’t. I want to be a brat and hide in my shell until all these emotions are gone and I’m over it, and I can go back to my normal, smiling self again.

Bah, hormones! I wish chocolates can easily help me with this but it doesn’t anymore. I wish I could just go for a run but it’s too late already. And no, I’m not interested in medicines, not even something like irvingia gabonensis. I’m sorry, I’m just sad.

Sigh.

So in an effort to pick myself up…I listened to some songs. And I Will Lift My Eyes by Bebo Norman hits just the right spot. Lyrics below, emphasis mine:

I Will Lift My Eyes
Bebo Norman
Album: Between the Dreaming and The Coming True

God, my God, I cry out
Your beloved needs You now
God, be near calm my fear and take my doubt
Your kindness is what pulls me up
Your love is all that draws me in

I will lift my eyes to the Maker
of the mountains I can’t climb
I will lift my eyes to the Calmer
of the oceans raging wild
I will lift my eyes to the Healer
of the hurt I hold inside
I will lift my eyes, lift my eyes to You

God, my God, let mercy sing
her melody over me
and God, right here all I bring
is all of me
Your kindness is what pulls me up
Your love is all that draws me in

‘Cause You are and You were and You will be forever
the Lover I need to save me
‘Cause You fashioned the earth and You hold it together, God
so hold me now

God, my God, I cry out
Your beloved needs You now

Lift your eyes, Tina.

I leave you with this image I got from Tumblr, and find comfort in the verse. Be strong and take heart. Your heart is stronger than mine, Lord.

Be strong and take heart, all you who hope in the Lord.

I’ll be okay. :) But if you can spare a prayer, I’d really appreciate it. :)

Dear Diary, Thought-Provoking

Never take friendship personal

3 Comments

Edit (011607, 11:03am): Instead of making a new entry, I’ve decided to just append the second one here. :D Space saver and it’s easier for me to go back. :) I’ll get this entry finished within the day, I promise!

Edit (011607, 7:18pm): Entry finished! :) Oh, and I’d like to warn you that this entry sounds a bit angry, but that’s just me venting. If ever you get offended by whatever I said, please contact me in private. I’d listen to you, but also remember that this is my blog and I am entitled to my own opinions. Thanks. :)

First off, congratulations to my friends Ryan and Arl who are now registered nurses! :) Congratulations to you two! And congrats to all those who passed the nursing board exams too. :)

Tonight, let’s talk about high school for a while. You know how in high school, there’s always this friendship/barkada drama? Like, there’s always some group against one group, one group against one person, one outcast member in the group, one person against one person, backstabbing one another in all its sad glory. Okay, not all high school friendships are like that, but you can’t deny the existence of all these high school drama. I should know, I’ve been part of it.

Most of my high school friendship drama happened during freshmen year, when everyone was trying to fit in. My problem at the start of the school year was that I don’t know who else is in my class. As far as I know, no one I was close with back in Grade 6 was also in the same section as I am in first year high school. Scary, especially when there are a lot of new students who want to fit in too.

Thank God I met some people who were nice, all because we liked to eat hash browns during recess. We eventually formed a group, and one of our favorite past times was to make fun of this other group of girls in class who write letters to each other everyday. As in every single school day.Take note, we are all classmates and we see each other everyday, yet they write to each other! With stationery and such! My friends and I joked that everytime they pass each other letters every morning, a tree gets cut down.

But because we’re such mature people then (yes, that’s sarcasm on mature), my friends and I eventually joined in with them. Weird, huh? But we did. And then they gave their group a name and we did too. We even formalized a membership by voting on the names we want our group to have. And we thought we were teh coolest, yo.

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