As I was on my way home last night, I realized something.

I don’t hate my job. I don’t even dislike it.

Well, that’s good.


I don’t love it either.

Maybe I like it. But it’s not something I really like (see the emphasis). It’s like when you have a friend that you don’t hate or dislike…but you like that person but not like like. You get what I mean?

So why am I still here if I don’t love it?

Like I said, it’s not that I hate it. I’m doing pretty okay here actually, and I’m learning a lot. I’m making friends (I think). I’m being exposed to the industry (somewhat, but it’s kind of a different industry, actually)! I’m learning how to be professional! But…it doesn’t give me a thrill. Whenever people ask me how I’m doing with my job, I always say, “I’m learning a lot,” never “I love it!” Call it limbo. Somewhere in between.

I don’t feel the excitement you get in doing something you know you love. Like the feeling of a photographer when he sees his photos developed/printed, or when a writer gets hit by a new idea or sees his creation published, or heck, even when a shopper learns about an upcoming sale! That feeling, the feeling in your gut that no matter how difficult the task ahead may seem, it’s okay because you know that you’d love every step you’d be taking on the way and the victory is sweet because you know you loved it.

I think the word here is passion.

I think…that my staying here is influenced by the fact that I like the idea of being able to work. I like the idea of earning my own money and being busy. Of being able to do something productive with my time.

But what if that wears off?

I want to do what Anberlin sings in Time & Confusion: It’s not about the money we make / it’s about the passions that we ache for / what makes your heart beat faster? / tell me now what does your body long after? I want to do something I’m passionate about. Something that makes my heart beat faster whenever I think of it. Something that would make me look forward to waking up every Monday because I know I’m going to enjoy my day.

I wonder if maybe I’m not giving my current job a chance. I mean, I’ve only been there for four months…which is obviously very small amount of time. What do I know about the corporate world in four months? What if I’m feeling this only because of all the not-so-good things I heard, or because I find myself unknowingly comparing myself to other people? What if I’m allowing myself to be influenced, when in the first place I shouldn’t even listen to them? I feel like if I do a career move anytime soon, in anytime less than a year or two years, I am a quitter. And I am definitely not that.

But how do you qualify what quitting is? When can you say when one person is a quitter or not? What if you decide to follow your passion, and in following that you had to change careers in a short span of time, is that quitting?

What will I do now? Am You opening up doors of opportunity here, Lord, or am I thinking highly about myself? Should I go or take my time and see how things unfold before I make a move? (Well the answer to this question is obvious.)

Lord, I need help? Am I acting on my own here or is this really You behind everything I’m hearing and seeing?

Hay, why is growing up so complicated? *sigh*

On another note, because I want to be some sort of “Fairy Godmother” today, I’d make someone‘s wish come true. I’d like to plug Riz‘s pet project, Ituloy Angsulong. You go girl!

Off I go to finish reading The Martyr’s Song by Ted Dekker and cry. :P Oh, I’m crying because of the book okay? :)

Good night! :)

5 thoughts on “Passions”

  1. Hi Tins, seems you are a little bit bored with your office. that is part of corporate life (as you have said) there will be hi and lo! at this stage, even myself i experience the same and there will always be a lot of challenges but that the only way we will become mature whether in corporate world or in personal life. I know you heard a lot of negative rumor about your company as compared to other industry player. As is life, there is also ups and downs in corporate world but that’s how executives(employees) are tested on how they will cope with the problem(s). Just do you work deligently and do your part in contributing to the company on whatever capacity and you find satisfaction. Please pray before you start doing any task.. take care.. i love u.. Papa

  2. Hmmm.. You know naghahanap pa sila ng designers dito samen… Hahaha! Just an option. :P I know how you feel though. I don’t hate my job, but I also don’t love it. So-so lang. haha. Must be because I’m not yet that comfortable here. Bago pa lang kse. I’m having a hard time blending in pa. hehe..

    PS: Ang cute nmn, nagccomment Papa mo. hehe. la lang. :)

  3. TINA!!! THANKYOUUUU!!! :)

    i often feel that–yung “somewhere in between” na you were talking about. 2 years into this corporate world (and 23 years into this life haha), I’ve come to accept the grim reality na you can never really (and you won’t) have it all, yep career wise too. Minsan, the pay is good, pero the job is so-so (as joni said). Minsan naman, you looooove your job so much pero it just doesnt match up the bills. I guess the real challenge is for us to bloom wherever we’re planted. For sure God has a purpose why He’s placed you there. ;) Hintay ka lang jan, I’m sure God’s wrapping up something for you :)

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