Tag Archives: The Martyr\’s Song

Woven Together

Every tear you cried dried in the palm of My hand.
Every lonely hour was by my side.
And every loved one lost, every river crossed—
Every moment, every hour was pointing to This Day…
I’ve been longing for This day!
The Martyr’s Song, Todd Agnew

Do you believe that everything that happens in your life happens for a purpose? Not only the big things, but also the little things. As in why you picked the clothes you wore, why you ate that lunch, why you woke up at this specific time and had to be in this specific place at this time? I’m not saying that everything is predestined and that we being controlled, but simply, God is in control. And no, predestination and God being in control is different.

How do I explain this? When we say predestination, whatever we do, whatever choice we make, we will end up this way. It’s like you’re driving in a straight road and no matter how much you turn your steering wheel, you’re still on the road. That’s predestination. God being in control, however, is like you driving, and there are different roads you can turn to. You may choose whatever direction you want, and on the way, there are different road signs posted for you. They may be good signs, warning signs or even full stop signs, but in the end, you still have the choice if you would continue to drive through or not. All roads in this part lead to one end, which is God’s will for us — if you stay on the road that is. But the last part is for another post, so I won’t elaborate.

Oookay, I think I kind of got lost with the entire predestination thing, but digressing now. There is a purpose for everything. There’s a reason why you’re your parent’s kid, why you study in your school, why you’re working in your job, why you’re friends with your friends and all that. Even the smallest, seemingly insignificant things (why you ate what you ate for breakfast) has a reason. Interesting, eh?

Okay, make it more like amazing. I still find it hard to believe that God actually took the time to put everything in place in my life. It may seem messy to me at times, but the way we think isn’t always is never the same way God thinks. It’s just really amazingly wonderful how someone as great as He is would take the time to notice someone as insignificant as I am.

Why the sudden thought? I realized how much He has ordered the things around me to be like this lately and I’m in awe. Like how Shifting Sands by Caedmon’s Call played in my iPod in shuffle mode during the time I was feeling so down and confused and guilty for displeasing God. Or when I feel down and hopeless about this certain state of my life and then I see something that reminds me of His promise. Or when I feel so unappreciated, and then someone gives me a compliment. Or how He urged me to take the leap, and then help me see my situation differently that I learn to like it. Or how everything fell into place at one project at work. Or when I was feeling annoyed yesterday and a friend posted a comment about how anger affects our faith. Or how the homily for today’s first Friday mass spoke directly to me, about how I must only concentrate on pleasing God. Or how I was made to stay late in the office but in turn, brought home a big Toblerone bar from our boss.

Or like earlier today, on my way home, I was squeezing in the jeep beside this guy when another woman squeezes in between us, stepping on my toe in the process. I was kind of annoyed (again, oops!) at her because I wanted to be nearer the door but I let it go. As we were nearing our village’s gate, the guy beside the lady who squeezed between us stopped the jeep and got down, but his other seatmate grabbed his arm and asked him to return whatever it was he took. Turns out her bag now has a hole, whereas it didn’t have a hole earlier. The man, annoyed, looked at her and said he didn’t do it and then went down the jeep in a huff. Thankfully, nothing was taken from the girl. I got off at our village and when I was about to ride the tricycle, I realized: it could have been me. If the lady hadn’t squeezed between us and stepped on my foot, I would be beside the guy and he could have taken my phones (I had three extra handsets in my bag for a weekend testing) or my iPod. I could’ve gone home with a slashed bag, if that lady hadn’t stepped on my foot.

Wow. I was hit by how God fixed everything. You may say it’s all just a coincidence, but I believe that coincidence is when God chooses to remain anonymous. God winks, as we like to call them.

Amazingly wonderful awesome God. Even in the smallest and seemingly insignificant things, He is there. He’s woven all of these together to bring about a colorful thing we call life. :)

Before I go to bed, here’s a poem I got from this website, for all of us to think about:

My life is but a weaving, between my God and me.
I do not choose the colours, He worketh steadily.
Offtimes he weaves sorrow, and I in foolish pride,
Forget He sees the upper, and I the underside.
Not till the loom is silent and shuttles cease to fly
Will God unroll the canvas and explain the reason why.
The dark threads are as needful in the skilful weaver’s hand
As the threads of gold and silver in the pattern He has planned.

Happy weekend, everyone. :)


As I was on my way home last night, I realized something.

I don’t hate my job. I don’t even dislike it.

Well, that’s good.


I don’t love it either.

Maybe I like it. But it’s not something I really like (see the emphasis). It’s like when you have a friend that you don’t hate or dislike…but you like that person but not like like. You get what I mean?

So why am I still here if I don’t love it?

Like I said, it’s not that I hate it. I’m doing pretty okay here actually, and I’m learning a lot. I’m making friends (I think). I’m being exposed to the industry (somewhat, but it’s kind of a different industry, actually)! I’m learning how to be professional! But…it doesn’t give me a thrill. Whenever people ask me how I’m doing with my job, I always say, “I’m learning a lot,” never “I love it!” Call it limbo. Somewhere in between.

I don’t feel the excitement you get in doing something you know you love. Like the feeling of a photographer when he sees his photos developed/printed, or when a writer gets hit by a new idea or sees his creation published, or heck, even when a shopper learns about an upcoming sale! That feeling, the feeling in your gut that no matter how difficult the task ahead may seem, it’s okay because you know that you’d love every step you’d be taking on the way and the victory is sweet because you know you loved it.

I think the word here is passion.

I think…that my staying here is influenced by the fact that I like the idea of being able to work. I like the idea of earning my own money and being busy. Of being able to do something productive with my time.

But what if that wears off?

I want to do what Anberlin sings in Time & Confusion: It’s not about the money we make / it’s about the passions that we ache for / what makes your heart beat faster? / tell me now what does your body long after? I want to do something I’m passionate about. Something that makes my heart beat faster whenever I think of it. Something that would make me look forward to waking up every Monday because I know I’m going to enjoy my day.

I wonder if maybe I’m not giving my current job a chance. I mean, I’ve only been there for four months…which is obviously very small amount of time. What do I know about the corporate world in four months? What if I’m feeling this only because of all the not-so-good things I heard, or because I find myself unknowingly comparing myself to other people? What if I’m allowing myself to be influenced, when in the first place I shouldn’t even listen to them? I feel like if I do a career move anytime soon, in anytime less than a year or two years, I am a quitter. And I am definitely not that.

But how do you qualify what quitting is? When can you say when one person is a quitter or not? What if you decide to follow your passion, and in following that you had to change careers in a short span of time, is that quitting?

What will I do now? Am You opening up doors of opportunity here, Lord, or am I thinking highly about myself? Should I go or take my time and see how things unfold before I make a move? (Well the answer to this question is obvious.)

Lord, I need help? Am I acting on my own here or is this really You behind everything I’m hearing and seeing?

Hay, why is growing up so complicated? *sigh*

On another note, because I want to be some sort of “Fairy Godmother” today, I’d make someone‘s wish come true. I’d like to plug Riz‘s pet project, Ituloy Angsulong. You go girl!

Off I go to finish reading The Martyr’s Song by Ted Dekker and cry. :P Oh, I’m crying because of the book okay? :)

Good night! :)