The Disappearing Act

Day 16Okay, so I still don’t have the words to continue what I meant about what was changing soon in the post the other day…but I will post about it. Maybe on the 19th or something, when I can breathe from all the things I need to finish doing by this week.

So. Onto not-so-serious topics for the meantime.

Have you ever had one of those days when you just want to disappear? You know, like poof! Not because of depression or whatever, but because you felt extremely antisocial?

I have.

I’m not proud to admit it, but there are times when I get sick of some people. It’s not that I get mad at them or anything, but sometimes, I need a breather. Did that make sense? It’s like…eating food. You can only eat so much of the same food over and over again. Eventually you’ll start looking for some other thing to eat other than that because you’ve gotten sick of it. It’s not that you’ll stop eating the other food, you just need a break.

I have moments like that with people.

No wonder I have some issues with keeping in touch.

There was a time back in college when I was so sick of having to sleep with so many people in a dorm (mind you, not sick with my roommates, but with the idea that I was sharing a room with four more people) that when I got home, I wanted to sleep in the privacy of my room. My mom didn’t have it, and forced me to sleep in their room (where we all sleep).


Sometimes I feel absolutely antisocial with everyone, no matter who you are and where I’ve known you, sometimes I feel antisocial with a certain group only, or even a certain person. There are times when I am antisocial just because I feel like it, and there are times when there’s an actual reason — like being the third/fourth/fifth/insert number here wheel consecutively, or learning of a news that I don’t know how to handle or can’t handle just yet.

Please tell me I’m not the only one like this.

So am I feeling antisocial right now? Sort of. Kind of. It’s no biggie, really. Sometimes I just need a break. Sometimes I just need some alone time, to think things through, to think of myself and to reflect. Sometimes I feel like it’s just my brattiness that’s making me like this. Or, maybe it’s just me calling for, I don’t know, some kind of effort from the people to reach out to me.

Oh wait, that may be classified as brattiness too.

Just give me time. It’s been weird lately, honestly, and I think I need to take this time to figure some things out for myself. Sometimes all I need is some alone time to hear the still small voice inside me, which, honestly, I have been having trouble hearing lately.

Yeah, time. Just give me time.

* * *

Don’t worry, I don’t want to be like the girl in As Told by Ginger’s And She Was Gone. But I just thought I’d post it because it’s kind of related. :)


And She Was Gone
As Told By Ginger

She chose to walk alone.
Though others wondered why.
Refused to look before her,
Kept eyes cast upwards,
Towards the sky.

She didn’t have companions.
No need for earthly things.
Only wanted freedom,
From what she felt were puppet strings.

She longed to be a bird.
That she might fly away.
She pitied every blade of grass
For planted they would stay.

She longed to be a flame.
That brightly danced alone.
Felt jealous of the steam
That made the air its only home.

Some say she wished too hard.
Some say she wished too long.
But we awoke one autumn day
To find that she was gone.

Some say she wished too hard.
Some say she wished too long.
But we awoke one autumn day
To find that she was gone.

The trees, they say, stood witness.
The sky refused to tell.
But someone who had seen it
Said the story played out well.

She spread her arms out wide.
Breathed in the break of dawn.
She just let go of all she held…

And then she was gone.