What do you say to taking chances?

Also known as: The late Valentine’s Post

I meant to post this earlier, but work ate up my time and by the time I get home, I’m too tired to open any of my computers and all I want to do is read and rest. The rest of the week flew by in a blur, too, and honestly, I just wanted to sit and read, which I have been doing all weekend (instead of cleaning my closet, oops!). I apologize.

But before anything else: belated happy Valentine’s day! :)

Thanks, Dodge! :)

Here’s the one most important thing I learned from this year’s Valentine’s day: if you ask, it will come. Or, to use Jesus’ words, ask and it will be given to you.

It’s funny because I realized I never really asked because it sounds desperate. Especially on Valentine’s Day, when I’ve always had some kind of bitter streak going up until I decided not to be bitter (I’ve told the story here). But even so, I never asked. I figured a really good guy should know to get flowers (or something) for girls, particularly his colleagues if he’s a part of a team. It’s just the nice thing to do, right?

Wrong. Expectations, much? While it’s not necessarily bad to want gifts, sometimes people can just be…clueless. Particularly guys who are not really in love with his girl friend. And knowing guys, they probably forgot that it was the 14th.

So I asked. There’s nothing wrong with asking. I think there’s something really humbling about asking. I’m not the type of person who asks much. As much as I don’t ask questions, I also don’t usually ask for help unless I really, really need it. Asking, whether it’s for material things or help, reminds me to be connected to other people, even if it’s  just through a blog or a tweet. Asking reminds me that I can’t make it here in this world alone, and I need other people. And asking also shows that other people need you too, in their way of responding to you, and to see you happy makes them happy, too.

To make the long story short, I got what I asked. Welcoming me at work was a red balloon from Earl the Pearl, and my email inbox received that sunflower image from Dodge. I had a fun lunch date with my teammates (OMG Thai food ♥), got an awesome, awesome gift from one of my favorite authors, got myself flour-less chocolate brownie from Starbucks, and was surprised by my brother and sister-in-law with a balloon bouquet. My brother and sister-in-law dropped me home, too, and that just really topped my day. :) Valentine’s Day almost felt like it was my birthday with all the excitement and surprises. All I could think of at the end of the day was Thank You, Lord.

Because that’s really where it ends, you know? Where it ends and where it begins. At the end of the day, I’d like to believe that God was happy because I was happy. I can’t remember where I read it, but I know that God takes pleasure in answering our prayers. And Valentine’s Day proved that to me, for the umpteenth time in my life. :)

* * *

I was reading my Valentine’s Day entries in the past years and I just had to laugh. I alternate between bitter to jaded to sometimes maybe sickeningly hopeful and optimistic. It’s kind of fun to see how different I was every year, and it’s made me think of what will make this year different than the others.

I was listening to Boundless Podcast # 159 the weekend before Valentine’s Day and I had to laugh at how much I can relate. In the past years, I stuck to the “waiting” and encouraging myself on the waiting because I know I’m not yet ready. I know that as much as I think being in a relationship may be sweet, I don’t really want it just yet. Last year I learned how to be alone and be happy. This year, as Valentine’s Day rolled around, I wondered what could I learn from this year’s Valentine’s Day ((Yes, I am kind of crazy like that — I like making resolutions and realizations from even the most inane “holidays”)).

How about taking chances?

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All I Want for Valentine’s Is…

Also known as: A Valentine’s Wish List …because I can make one.

So it’s Valentine’s Eve. I wish I could say that I’m one of those people who don’t really make a big deal out of Valentine’s Day…but I’m not. I used to make a big deal out of it because I’m so bitter about my lack of a romantic life. Despite my seemingly happy disposition, I realize that most of my teenage angst comes from this part of my life, or the lack of it. Proof, circa 2004:

I’m sorry for being bitter this early already, but I don’t want to be involved in anything like that, unless it’s for me. –; Call me selfish, but my materialistic side is protesting big time and the cup of unsweetened coffee is going to spill all over me (uh, did you get the metaphor there?) before you can say “Valentine’s Day”. I’m sorry, but I just can’t take all the smooching and “making someone else feel special” on Valentine’s Day if I’m not one of them. Yes, this is the bitter side of me.

Gah. I don’t want to complain to them about it or even crack a joke about it, because they’d tell me it’s okay — but it’s not. They have been where I am, but they magically forget the feeling when they’re not in the same situation anymore. Perhaps they’re telling me it’s okay with them, but it’s not okay with me.

See. Bitterness. Let’s all laugh at myself, shall we?

But I’ve long made a decision that I would not be bitter on Valentine’s Day. Being bitter is too emotionally exhausting. Plus I don’t know what point being bitter on February 14 wanted to prove anyway, except maybe that you’re…well, bitter. I’d rather be with the multitudes that wear red that day than wear black and explain why I am wearing that. Besides, it’s more fun to dress up and just enjoy the 14th for what it is instead of going “woe-is-me”, regardless of your relationship status.

Trust me, I’ve been doing that for almost 5 years.

Of course I still feel lonely. I’ve told my friends that the days leading to Valentine’s Day is usually the time when I’m most emotionally vulnerable, and yes, still bitter. I’m just glad that this year, I have less access to TV so I don’t have to watch those Valentine’s specials and I am mostly occupied by work, so I did not have much time to think about it. But why focus on that loneliness? And at the same time, why make the 14th pass by like it’s nothing when you can use it as an excuse to dress up and feel special, give your friends a little token and make other people smile? Yes, you can do that on any other day, but why not capitalize on a commercialized “holiday”, right?

So this year, I’m going to do just that. Being single actually gives me time to do fun things for the 14th and come up with silly lists like this. Because I still can ((And this is my blog so I can post what I want :P)). There’s nothing wrong with coming up with a Valentine’s wish list, right? ;)

All I want for Valentine’s is…

And maybe this list can help you do something nice to your other friends, too. :)

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I want to hold your hand

Also known as: A mushy post on love and hand holding

Whenever I am commuting, I tend to observe people as much as I can as I walk. There comes a time in all this observing that I find myself watching out for couples, watching for how the guy treats the girl or how the girl holds on to her guy. Mostly, though, I look at how they hold each other’s hands. There’s something just so comfortable In seeing couples holding hands. Sometimes with swinging ((In short, HHWWPSSP – Holding hands while walking, pa-sway-sway pa)). An outward declaration of love, if you may, that isn’t as uncomfortable as seeing them kiss in public.

Maybe it’s the influence of that part in Nick and Norah’s Infinite Playlist when one of Nick’s friends tell him that The Beatles got it right about love that makes me observe that. Wait, let me quote it for you instead (pardon the language, though):

You know the reason The Beatles made it so big?…I Wanna Hold Your Hand.‘ First single. F*cking brilliant. Perhaps the most f*cking brilliant song ever written. Because they nailed it. That’s what everyone wants. Not 24/7 hot wet sex. Not a marriage that lasts a hundred years. Not a Porsche…or a million-dollar crib. No. They wanna hold your hand. They have such a feeling that they can’t hide. Every single successful song of the past fifty years can be traced back to ‘I Wanna Hold Your Hand.’ And every single successful love story has those unbearable and unbearably exciting moments of hand-holding.

I have no experience to speak of, of course. Except maybe for that dream I had one time…but that was just a dream. What do I know, right?

There was a time when my family and I were in Hong Kong. It was the first time my now sister-in-law joined us on a trip outside the country. We were walking down one road in the city when my brother took his then-girlfriend’s hand in his and walked ahead of me. I looked behind me and saw my parents doing the same thing. Two couples, lost in their own reveries, and I was there, right smack in the middle of it all.

I remember whenever I would recall this particular anecdote with other friends, I’d end the story with a laugh and tell them I did this:

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